德克兄!!8 11考 多谢

chennaian

首先谢谢你这么快的回答了我口语的问题多谢

请教德克

下面是我写的文章
                    请问2,3段论述,是不是铺垫做的太多,导致各段关于 home stay 的描述太少了
                    因为只有几句,是不是喧宾夺主
                    甚至跑题了.还有像这样的论述如何结尾,请给点实质的建议   8.11考  多谢!!!

 

题目:home stay good or not?

 

The peculiar fascination deriving from a home-stay program has never failed to appeal to me.Why some college students are prepared to tolerate the constant high ballble of voices in dormitory ,the poor-quality food on student service, for the dibious priviliage of living on campus ,such as the so-called convenince, is totally beyond me. See? It is as clear as the daylight that i hold the first point ,that is , it is better for students to participate in the home-stay programe.

  There are some reasons that would lend credence to my opinion.

  One of the most overlooked resons why students should take this plan is that ,in terms of culture ,it is living with native speakers that could offer the genuine cultural background. It is far from enough for a foreign student to acquire konwledge merely from the courses required by his/her university . For instance, every year countless stuents from various countries enter into US universities, although they possess quite different backgrounds ,religious beliefs,and life-styles, what invariably happens is that there is nothing to prevent one from understanding the contents of couse,however ,they always encounter difficulties when they communicate with their fellows after class .That imight be the problem related to culture.No-native students tend to be non-proficient in application of idiom ,which is the indispensable communicating tool in daily life. In view that , one should take part in the home stay programe in order to contact the indigenous American culture.

  Hundreds of years after the industrial revolution ,while a variety of advanced study tools ,such as pc computer,online courses,emerge so frequently that everyone has got quite used to their emergence, the ingredient in one’s study ,no denying,is just one’s health. Aiming to achieve astonishing feats in whatever study or carrer,one can not afford a failure in gaining a strong constitution.

德克的猪

字数太少了

考试的时候是不计算标点符号的

也就是说，虽然你的文章在word里边计算字数有302，但实际上只有270左右

是不符合要求的

chennaian

多谢提醒会注意, 还有,请问2,3段论述,是不是铺垫做的太多,导致各段关于 home stay 的描述太少了
        因为只有几句,是不是喧宾夺主
        甚至跑题了.还有像这样的论述如何结尾,请就此给点的建议 

德克的猪

以下是引用chennaian在2007-7-29 18:46:00的发言：

多谢提醒会注意, 还有,请问2,3段论述,是不是铺垫做的太多,导致各段关于 home stay 的描述太少了
  因为只有几句,是不是喧宾夺主
  甚至跑题了.还有像这样的论述如何结尾,请就此给点的建议 

还有就是，你的打字错误太多，多到可以影响到你的分数

同样，格式错误也不少：在所有的逗号和句号后面都应该打上空格

德克的猪

The peculiar fascination deriving from a home-stay program has never failed to appeal to me(Home-stay never fails to exert a peculiar fascination on me.这样简洁点.). Why some college students are prepared to tolerate the constant high ballble(这个单词什么意思?) of voices in dormitory, the poor-quality food on student service, for the dibious priviliage of living on campus ,such as the so-called convenince, is totally beyond me. See? It is as clear as the daylight that i hold the first point, that is, it is better for students to participate in the home-stay programe.(我觉得这里的理由太牵强了.home-stay和college life没有直接的联系.所以这样的开头我不提倡.这里如果你实在写不出,还是写general到specific的开头,比如:The vogue for people, especially the youth, to go abroad for a better education is now becoming more and more obvious in our country. In the light of the trend of this sort, a multitude of students choose to have a home-stay in foreign countries, say, America, England, Australia, etc. via which they can obtain experiences of living abroad and prepare for their abroad study. And from my perspective, home-stay can benefit students a great deal in many ways.这个开头比较的平淡,但是绝对符合要求.考试的时候如果写不出东西,就需要参照这样的开头.这样的从general到specific的开头你务必要学会)

 

  There are some reasons that would lend credence to my opinion.(这句话不用单独分出来,直接接在第一段的后面就是了)

 

  One of the most overlooked resons(reasons) why students should take this plan(这个不应该叫做plan,而应该是program) is that, in terms of culture, it is living with native speakers that could offer the genuine cultural background(As a matter of fact, living with native speakers, to a certain extent, is the optimal way to experience genuine cultural background.或者One of the crucial but frequently overlooked reasons is that, in terms of culture/in culture sense, living with native speaker is the optimal avenue to experience genuine cultural background). It is far from enough for a foreign student to acquire knowledge merely from the courses required by his/her university. For instance, every year countless stuents(students) from various(various好像不用来形容国家,你最好还是用different) countries enter into US universities, although they possess quite different backgrounds, religious beliefs, and life-styles, what invariably happens is that there is nothing to prevent one from understanding the contents of couse, however(However是一个副词,不可以用来连接两个句子),they always encounter difficulties when they communicate with their fellows after class .That imight be the problem related to culture. No-native students tend to be non-proficient in application of idiom, which is the indispensable communicating tool in daily life. In view that, one should take part in the home stay programe in order to contact the indigenous American culture.(我个人觉得这里例子和你的论点不紧密,而且太宽泛)

德克的猪

我希望你可以有1到2个点可以well develop

所谓的well developed 就是，比如： 你支持A,你用X这个理由来支持A 很多人写完X这个理由，就觉得这个点结束了，其实这是不对的。 你还需要写A如何产生X这个优势，而且还应该写X这个优势如何服务我们（这里就可以举例了） 如：电视和报纸哪个好 我支持电视好。因为电视有速率（很多人就只把这里理由陈述出来，然后就结束了） 我还应该说：电视如何快－通过卫星可以进行直播，电视台的记者遍布全球，最新的消息可以以最快的速度被公布。而报纸不能，因为报纸每天只有一版，消息更新得慢。所以，电视更快。然后接例子：比如，篮球比赛结果。如果看报纸，我们永远只能活在昨天，但是如果看电视，不仅可以很快知道结果，而且还可以看到画面，体验到比赛的刺激。结论：电视是多么好