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第一篇作文,欢迎大家指教!

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楼主
发表于 2006-10-31 21:19:00 | 只看该作者

第一篇作文,欢迎大家指教!

1Why people attend college?

Nowdays, more and more students graduated from high school choose to enter a college instead of entering the work force just like their parents did, why? Because the job market is becoming much more competitive, and after they graduate from college, they can obtain more choices, higher salaries, more opportunities for advancement and so on.

In high school, students learn nearly everything, but very superficial, they do not have any special aptitude in a specific field. These are not enough for them to deal with the problem in their work, especially in some high-tech works. But after they finish their college course, the situation will be totally different. For instance, a student with a Computer Science degree can not only be qualified for jobs in high-tech companies, but also be well suitable for any kind of job asking for computer skills as a prerequisite.

Additionally, highly qualified applicants worth more money to the employers, and, of course they can get more money than the others. to the employers, they believe that the highly qualified worker can do the same job with a much less time or within the same time do more work comparing with a worker without a college degree, and their result will always be better.Obviously, thanks to their college life, the high qualified workers can get more money than the others because a college degree is accepted by employers as proof of competence in a given field.

Finally, besides more choices and higher salaries, people with a college degree will have more chance to advance. For example, a student with a B.S. in material, can get a good position in a famous lab, and may be discover some materials with special use, and become famous. Or may be he can find a job in a big company, and does not need to worry about the rest of his life, what is more, he can even found a company of himself, who knows?

Anyway, after the four years study in college, people will become more knowledgeable,maturer,and more suitable to enter  work force.this period of study will become the most important property in his life.

大家打分、拍砖啊!谢谢!

沙发
发表于 2006-10-31 21:41:00 | 只看该作者
大概只能3分或3.5分吧。

字数不够,好像才300左右,最好400。

句子比较简单,好像but用的比较多,其实表示转折的词还有很多,比如however。建议多收集各种表程度的副词和词组。句子也最好再弄的复杂些,多写几个长句,用用倒装,从句,强调句什么的。

但话说回来,第一篇作文能写这样也不容易了。加油吧,伙计!
板凳
发表于 2006-10-31 23:30:00 | 只看该作者
楼主要不参与一下这两位作文的拍砖,然后也写写他们写的题目,再互相评论,修改,相信会有不少收获。

http://forum.chasedream.com/dispbbs.asp?boardID=19&ID=202818&star=2&page=

http://forum.chasedream.com/dispbbs.asp?boardID=19&ID=203577
地板
 楼主| 发表于 2006-11-1 10:26:00 | 只看该作者
谢谢!
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