煎熬,写了一篇...德克快来!

charmant

Watching movies has been one of the most critical relaxations in people’s life for ages. Since the competition in current society has becoming more and more severe, amusing movies are more widely to be accepted (more widely accepted 就OK我觉得) by people.

To my perspective, the main purpose to watch movies is mostly (main和mostly重复吧，去掉mostly就可以) to entertain oneself and throw away the worries, stress in life temporarily. To give a demonstration, when talking about cartoon characters, say, Tom and Jerry, Micky (Mickey) Mouse, not only children but adults are familiar with them. (这句话是不是主语不明确？talking的主语如果说是后面的children and adults有点牵强吧。When we talk about……, not only but also….好点不？) What makes them so impressive? I think the reason is that they bring people much fun and enjoyment in life. (别用I think了吧，你的文章都是你think的. What makes them so impressive is the fun and enjoyment that they bring us.) Most people tend to watch a good comedy or entertaining film twice rather than a new serious one after work.

Certainly(不正式，undoubtedly，或者更好用admittedly，因为毕竟是反面论点), there are some excellent films that are serious such as 911, The Day after Tomorrow. (There are such excellent but serious  films as…) Despite the fact that they are all thought-provoking and gain a deep insight into the society, most of them are cruel and tragic simultaneously(这个词强调的是时间上的同时，这里用起来似乎有些不很恰当。Also就行了吧). It sometimes makes people feel uncomfortable and gloomy after watching (watching them，前面的it也改成them，上下文一致). There is no doubt that we need to pay attention to something which happened in the past like The World War, or some disaster might be happen in the future. However, we much more need a positive attitude and energy towards our lives. When it comes to this, entertaining films can play a better role transparently. (这句when it comes to this有些不太正式，特别，transparently不恰当。)

Another must be added, not only serious movie can help people thinking, Comedy can also do it. (has the same function) Chaplin, a prestigious comedian as well as a director and producer, performed many well-known comedies which criticize Hitler and his policy ironically. He has influenced many generations so far.

In conclusion, I think movies that amuse and entertain people can relieve many mental pressures and offer a good opportunity to adjust high pace in our daily life. 没说到点上，点下题，therefore, I prefer comedy to serious movies之类的。

 

 

我个人的见解。毕竟水平有限。必然有不当之处。感觉楼主的文章有些刻意追求句子，词汇上的复杂。是不是有些词直接从词典里查出来就用了个看起来最复杂的？毕竟，意思上的完整和语言的准确也是评分的重要部分。似乎各个论证部分立场不是很强。论证反面论点的第三段篇幅几乎赶上了剩下的两个正面论点。而且，两个正面论点应该连起来写，别把反面的夹在中间为好。欢迎高手指正我的意见。