『写作小分队』求各位大神轰炸，板砖，不吝赐教～

hjl80959

每天至少一篇，才买的新键盘打字比较慢，同时借鉴hans同学的作文，希望大神看完他的再来指导指导我的，谢谢啦，板砖飞起来，希望25天后，由牛C到牛B。

hjl80959

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement that colleges or university should offer more courses to prepare students for the furture before they start working

DATE: 2012/7/28 18:05:48

In the university campus, the most controversial topic is concern with whether is necessary for the university to offer more courses considering the fierce competition in today' society. In this case, the view always divides into two opposite sides. Allowing for the more promising opportunity in the career, I, after careful contemplation, maintain that this proposal should be approved, here are the reasons.
       Concomitant with the development of the society and increasing standard of the employer, the employees, who are more quickly qualified to the muti-task, are easier to be appreciated and rapidly promoted in the companies. Especially in China, a large amount of the graduates are likely to engage in the careers irrelevant to their major in the university, so comprehensive cognition with the knowledge system is overwhelmingly significant nowadays. Therefore, more courses are conductive to the graduates who desire for the outstanding competitiveness. For example the students combine the majority of mathematics with physics together.
       In addition, in spite of the abundant skills the additive courses bring to the students, in the courses, the professors are able to teach other practical ability. In our common sense, it's undeniable that the courses of the Chinese university are barely imparting the theories and formula, teachers as well as the universities seldom concentrate on the practical and social skills. The additive courses, such as experimental research and Etiquette lesson, can replenish the deficiency to some extent. For example, my major is the computer science, and I am proficient in solving the equations in the final exam in order to earn the excellent grade. However, when I unfortunely encountered with the practical problems my friends consulted me, like the sudden shut of the computer, it's embarrassed for me incapable to work it out. Hence, on no account can we ignore such courses.
       Notwithstanding the enormous advantages of the proposal, demanding and numerous courses will result in some complaints from the students. In our generation, we have to reckon that the courses are helpful for us to adapting to the cruel future society, but we dislike the crowded schedule and require the leisure time to develop the interests or just to relax. Under the current background of the mainstream, passion and pursuit for the freedom is the main topic of the teenagers. At this point, courses can be added appropriately rather than redundantly.
        To sum up, these reasons are just idiosyncratic views of mine, whether the proposal is popular is still requisite to debate.
Throughout history, a large number of mysterious have been explained, whether this insoluble one concerning the issue will be perfectly solved; only time will tell.

hjl80959

7/30
     In the recent society, the controversial topic is concern about whether people are less happy and less satisfied compared with the people in the past. In this case, the questions always smash into two opposite sides. Allowing for the improving living standard and abundant substance material, as well as the sophisticated facilities, I, after careful contemplation, am behalf on disagreement with the view. Here are the reasons.
At the very beginning, coincident with the enormous progress of the technology, the living quality has been typically increased. For the example, decades of years ago, in summer, as the temperature is too high to stand with, people have to go outside of their houses, gathering at the spacious plaza, just to enjoy the sporadic breeze. However, with the innovative invention of air-condition, the human beings never suffer from the intense heat of the summer. We prefer staying at home with relatives appreciating the attracting performance on TV in the cozy air-condition room. In case of this point, the advanced technology not only brings human beings cool, but also the satisfactory and comfort.
In addition, as the world is changing rapidly, the entertainment facility is on the way to the completion. The towering cinema, museum and the urban library are all the landmarks of the modern cities. During the part-time, the inhabitants are eager to appoint with the friends to these place for killing time. For example, the 3d-max film, Avatar, which was broadcast in the our central cinema, was popular among the crazy citizens. Thousands of people crowded in the cinema, and with the appearance of the content rushed out. From this phenomenon, by no means can you deny the happiness the people have show in their face genuinely, so the sprawling construction of the entertainment facilities appeal to the public tastes and offer them more satisfactions.
Yet, someone may point out that people in the hurry society are under more pressure, which exploits the opportunity to relax. Indeed, what the people complain most is that burden of the work, pursuit for the success and the struggling for making a living. It's obvious that these issues occurred in the past. However, just more emphasis do we put on these problems. The saying says: a bad workman quarrels with his tools. The people, purposely, compel themselves to these dilemmas. Actually, if people unload stress, they are likely to feel more satisfied with the colorful modern world.
Hence, these reasons are just idiosyncratic views of mine, whether the proposal is popular is still requisite to debate.
Throughout history, a large number of mysterious have been explained, whether this insoluble one concerning the issue will be perfectly solved; only time will tell.

hjl80959

7/29
  In the recent society, the controversial topic for the people to discuss with is where to reside in, big cities or the small town. Indeed, coincident with the increasing quality of the public living standard, the most concerned questions is environment, the constructing degree of the infrastructions, and the medical condition. In this case, the view always smashes into opposite sides. Allowing for the factors above, I, after careful contemplation, am on the behalf of living in the big cities.  
   At the very beginning, the big cites, especially, the metropolises such as the Beijing, Shanghai, are the economic, political and the cultural centers of the nationality. The international corporations always locate their national headquarters in these areas, so the graduates have more opportunities to find the pleasant jobs there. However, compared to the big cities, the jobs that the small town can offer are limited to some fields, therefore, the ambition of the aggressive graduates are rapidly to be extinguished. Considering the problems of the employment, the graduates as well as their parents prefer to the big cities.
   In addition, it's undeniable that living in the big cites is more accessible to the large quantities of advanced products. For example, the latest the digital product-----iphone4s, in China, it has been the most popular mobile phone in the country. When it enters the market of China, it sells so quickly that people need to order it in advance. Person literally seems to enjoy a sense of honor to hurry down the street with iphone4s in one hand. Nevertheless, if you inhabit in the small town, unfortunely, it's unlikely for you to get these products as soon as possible, these developments should speed a lot of year spreading and proliferating in the small towns.
   Yet, for the elder ones, the small town means a harmony place to live in after retirement. Fresh air, tranquil environment and chirping of the birds are attracting elements for them. However, on no account can we ignore the medical condition. Just as the wings are the indispensable parts of the birds, so are the advanced medical centers to the elder ones. The rural clinics cannot guarantee the quality of the treatment when your relatives are hospitalized, it is incontrovertible that urban medical center enables to provide the secure service for them.
    To sum, these reasons are just idiosyncratic views of mine, where to live is still heated questions to debate.
     Throughout history, a large number of mysteries have been explained, whether this insoluble one concerning this will be perfectly solved; only time will tell.

Vance1991

蓝色为意见或建议高亮为精彩绿色为总结红色为错误 In the recent society(In recent society), the controversial topic for the people to discuss with is where to reside in, big cities or the small town. Indeed, coincident with the increasing quality of the public living standard, the most concerned questions is(are) environment, the constructing degree of the infrastructions(你是想说infrastructure吧,ps:不可数名词), and the medical condition. In this case, the view always smashes into opposite sides. Allowing for the factors above, I, after careful contemplation, am on the behalf of living in the big cities.  
  At the very beginning, the big cites, especially, the metropolises such as the(delete the) Beijing, Shanghai, are the economic, political and the cultural centers of the nationality.(我已经被你的逗号给弄疯了...) The international corporations always locate their national headquarters in these areas, so the graduates have more opportunities to find the(delete the) pleasant jobs there. However, compared to the big cities, the jobs(the job/jobs) that the small town can offer are limited to some fields, therefore, the ambition of the aggressive graduates(the aggressive graduate/aggressive graduates) are rapidly to be extinguished(is extinguished rapidly). Considering the problems of the employment, the graduates as well as their parents prefer to the big cities.

  In addition, it's undeniable that living in the big cites is more accessible to the large quantities of advanced products. For example, the latest the digital product-----iphone4s, in China, it has been the most popular mobile phone in the country. When it enters the market of China, it sells so quickly that people need to order(book/reserve) it in advance. Person literally seems to enjoy a sense of honor to hurry down the street with iphone4s in one hand. Nevertheless, if you inhabit(这个词...) in the small town, unfortunely, it's unlikely for you to get these products as soon as possible, these developments should speed a lot of year spreading and proliferating in the small towns.

  Yet, for the elder ones, the small town means a harmony place to live in after retirement. Fresh air, tranquil environment and chirping of the birds are attracting elements for them. However, on no account can we ignore the medical condition. Just as the wings are the indispensable parts of the birds, so are the advanced medical centers to the elder ones. The rural clinics cannot guarantee the quality of the treatment when your relatives are hospitalized, it is incontrovertible that urban medical center enables to provide the secure service for them.

   To sum, these reasons are just idiosyncratic views of mine, where to live is still heated questions to debate.
    Throughout history, a large number of mysteries have been explained, whether this insoluble one concerning this will be perfectly solved; only time will tell.(这个句子是什么意思?)



次奥,改错一篇了...
你很注重用高级词汇.但是,不是越多越好,越高级越好.最重要的是贴切!

Vance1991

蓝色为意见或建议高亮为精彩绿色为总结红色为错误     In the(delete the) recent society, the controversial topic is concern about whether people are less happy and less satisfied compared with the people in the past. In this case, the questions always smash into two opposite sides. Allowing for the improving living standard and abundant substance material, as well as the sophisticated facilities, I, after careful contemplation, am behalf on disagreement with the view. Here are the reasons.
At the very beginning, coincident with the enormous progress of the technology, the living quality has been typically increased. For the example, decades of years ago(既然是这个时间点,那么后面要用过去时!), in summer, as the temperature is too high to stand with, people have to go outside of their houses, gathering at the spacious plaza, just to enjoy the sporadic breeze. However, with the innovative invention of air-condition, the human beings never suffer from the intense heat of the summer. We prefer staying at home with relatives appreciating the attracting performance on TV in the cozy air-condition room. In case of this point, the advanced technology not only brings human beings cool, but also the satisfactory and comfort.

In addition, as the world is(delete is) changing rapidly, the entertainment facility is on the way to the completion. The towering cinema, museum and the urban library are all the landmarks of the modern cities. During the part-time, the inhabitants are eager to appoint with the friends to these place(s) for killing time. For example, the 3d-max film, Avatar, which was broadcast in the our(delete the or our) central cinema, was popular among the crazy citizens. Thousands of people crowded in the cinema, and with the appearance of the content rushed out. From this phenomenon, by no means can you deny the happiness the people have show in their face genuinely, so the sprawling construction of the entertainment facilities appeal to the public tastes and offer them more satisfactions.

Yet, someone may point out that people in the hurry society are under more pressure, which exploits the opportunity to relax. Indeed, what the people complain most is that burden of the work, pursuit for the success and the struggling for making a living. It's obvious that these issues occurred in the past. However, just more emphasis do we put on these problems. The saying says: a bad workman quarrels with his tools. The people, purposely, compel themselves to these dilemmas. Actually, if people unload stress, they are likely to feel more satisfied with the colorful modern world.

Hence, these reasons are just idiosyncratic views of mine, whether the proposal is popular is still requisite to debate.
Throughout history, a large number of mysterious have been explained, whether this insoluble one concerning the issue will be perfectly solved; only time will tell.



弱弱的问句,你的模板从哪里看来的?尤其是结尾段...建议换一个...
个人认为如果你要100+的话还是自己写,不要依赖模板了...

hjl80959

7.31
In the campus of the university, the controversial topic, recently, is concern with the honesty between the friends-whether the complete allegiance between the friends enhances the relationship to the higher extent. It' obvious that when it comes to this topic, people are inclined to divide into two opposite sides--agreement or disagreement. Although the theme of the honesty has been promoted year by year, everything has its boundary and degrees. It's hard to justify whether complete honesty is helpful to the friendship? From the prospective of mine, it's at least not a wise choice that sharing the confidential secrets with the friendly completely. The reasons are following:
At the very beginning, as the old saying says: gold pure and no man is perfect, the world does not exist without the shortcomings of the people. It's undeniable that everyone desires to present more excellent aspects to their friends by concealing some bad habits and awful performance. It's just an evident indication that your friends care about your opinion and evaluation fairly. Moreover, in order to avoid the unnecessary anxiety, holding back the secret is the better option. For instance, yesterday I just broke up with my girlfriends. The inevitable sadness and depression is now exceptionally filled in my mind. The whole world of mine seems to turn upside down, however ,I, after careful contemplation, decide not to participate the terrible things to my confidential friends because what he is capable to do is comforting me, which only reminds me of the breaking up again and again. My gloomy mood is likely to infect his mind resulting in the depressed atmosphere around us. Therefore, it's better to retain some of your secrets.
In additions, It's unlikely for your to be honest with all your friends. As we are living in the net of the society like the food chain, we have to communication with many relations. For instance: if the relationship between your two friends deteriorates rapidly, both of them underestimate with each other fiercely. What's worse, one of them wants to hear about several embarrassing experience of the opposite from you so as to humiliate the other in public, whatwill youdo? Obviously, either choice violates the principle of the honesty between friends. Considering this condition, unless we are isolated from the sophisticated world, you are unable to pay attention to your own moral uplift without thought of others.
Finally, the common senses white lies are crowed in the modern society, it's asocial artistry. When some of your friends eagerly beg you to appreciate and evaluate his finished artifact, it's cruel for you to hurt his ambitious confidence by criticizing even though the artifact is really bad. However, the encouragement is about to accelerate the speed of his growth, so for this point of view, white lies can stimulate them typically to realize the success aggressively.
In sum, it's true that honesty is the basic orientation of human beings, but granted the issues above it's inappropriate to confide all things to your friends. How can the dilemmas be perfectly solved; only time will tell.

kchszy061ban

我来改你的吧，正好我的也没分。

kchszy061ban

蓝色为意见或建议高亮为精彩绿色为总结红色为错误
In the campus of the university, the controversial topic, recently, is concern with the honesty between the（这里没必要加the的） friends-whether the complete allegiance between the friends enhances the relationship to the higher extent. It' obvious that when it comes to this topic, people are inclined to divide into two opposite sides--agreement or disagreement. Although the theme of the honesty has been promoted year by year, everything has its boundary and degrees. It's hard to justify whether complete honesty is helpful to the friendship? From the prospective of mine, it's at least not a wise choice that sharing the confidential secrets with the friendly completely. The reasons are following:

At the very beginning, as the old saying says: gold pure and no man is perfect, the world does not exist without the shortcomings of the people. It's undeniable that everyone desires to present more excellent aspects to their friends by concealing some bad habits and awful performance. It's just an evident indication that your friends care about your opinion and evaluation fairly. Moreover, in order to avoid the unnecessary anxiety, holding back the secret is the better option. For instance, yesterday I just broke up with my girlfriends（楼主高富帅额，）. The inevitable sadness and depression is now exceptionally filled in my mind. The whole world of mine seems to turn upside down, however ,I, after careful contemplation, decide not to participate the terrible things to my confidential friends because what he is capable to do is comforting me, which only reminds me of the breaking up again and again. My gloomy mood is likely to infect his mind resulting in the depressed atmosphere around us. Therefore, it's better to retain some of your secrets.

In additions, It's unlikely for your to be honest with all （of）your friends. As we are living in the net of the society like the food chain, we have to communication（用动词）with many relations（communicate with relation？）. For instance: if the relationship between your two friends deteriorates rapidly, both of them underestimate with each other fiercely. What's worse, one of them wants to hear about several embarrassing experience of the opposite from you so as to humiliate the other in public, what will you do? Obviously, either choice violates the principle of the honesty between friends. Considering this condition, unless we are isolated from the sophisticated world, you are unable to pay attention to your own moral uplift without thought of others.

Finally, the common senses white lies are crowed in the modern society, it's a social artistry. When some of your friends eagerly beg you to appreciate and evaluate his finished artifact, it's cruel for you to hurt his ambitious confidence by criticizing even though the artifact is really bad. However, the encouragement is about to accelerate the speed of his growth, so for this point of view, white lies can stimulate them typically to realize the success aggressively.

In sum, it's true that honesty is the basic orientation of human beings, but granted the issues above it's inappropriate to confide all things to your friends. How can the dilemmas be perfectly solved; only time will tell.
楼主写的很好，小处注意就好额。

hjl80959

8.1独立
In the campus of the university, the most controversial topic, recently, is concern with the way to discuss upsetting problems with others. There are four options included in the debate-email, text messaging, telephone and voice-messaging. When it comes to such unproblematic questions, people are inclined to divide to several diverse parts by supporting the view of theirs. From the prospective of mine, I, after the careful contemplation, am behalf on the voice-messaging. The reasons are followings:
At the very beginning, compared to the text messaging and e-mail, the latter two approaches are more efficient and better. The common sense tells us that our emotion is playing an essential role in the communication with others. Especially when taking about the controversial with others. It's undeniable that if two people are complaining with the same problem fiercely and both of them insist on the validity of their reasons exceptionally. Consequence, it's more likely for the person who is more emotional to win the debate. Moreover, people prefer to give way to the person that is willing to present the weakness. From this point, the conveyance of the emotion between two complaints is typically significant. By justifying the attitude of others and condition of themselves, people can rapidly work out the way to end the debate.
In addition, thanks to the development of the advanced technology, the advent of the voice-messaging is absolutely a fantastic sign to the human beings. However, the telephone has been widely used for decades of years and this technology fails to update to the new level ever since the end of the last century. In contrast, the enormous advantages displayed by the voice-messaging are exciting to us. It's not necessary for us to assure whether others have time to answer the telephone or whether they are at the side of the telephone, what we need to is just send out our recorded voice, then waiting for the reply. Admittedly, it is more convenient for us connect with others by this tool; what's more, we are able to calm down and tease out the key of the conflict during the intervals between two messages.
Finally, despite of the definitive convenience, among the expense of four options, the voice-messaging is about to be the lowest. In modern society, human beings grapes various accesses to transmit the voice-message, such as the widespread internet and wireless mobile net .For example, a software called micro-message, which has the capacity to send voice-message, even videos, has been installed in my mobile. Nonetheless, compared with the normal standard expense --10 cents a message or a minute, it only costs you one cent to deliver a voice-message within a minute.
Hence, granted the considerable advantages in presentation above, the voice-message stands in a superior status than other three tools in the place of discussing controversial problems.