【写作小分队】stones4···超越每天的自己····

stones4

憋出来的一篇。请狠拍

stones4

When I was a fresh, going to the library is my daily work. Invariably, I chose to select the books which connect with my majors for I wanted to make the full use of my time to study my academic subject and became professional. Practically I tried to bring up hobbies that similar to my work. Unfortunately, there is no efficiency when I read. It's easy to imagine that after the entire day's work, how nausea for me to do the same things in my spare time. So personally I strongly maintain that it's better to do something that totally different with your work.



Owning to the giant leap to the social development, when it comes to work, the first word reveal to my mind is pressure. Toil, funk and sentiment are all the elements are all follow the pressure, the existence of pressure essentially has bad influence to our work. So how to release these pressure for the sake of superior efficiency work. There is no denying that if we try something new which nothing to do with our jobs would be a good way to relax ourselves. According to the survey, those who fond of hiking and outside activities, most of them are white collar workers that generally stay away from the nature. They just type and type everyday, handle with document and 24 hours free for their bosses. Wise as they are to participate in these sorts of activities.



Matthew Emmons, the world championship of gunnery meeting. He was downright brilliant in the past few years, and famous for the two-time runner-up in the 2004 and 2008 Olympics. Nevertheless, his major is accounting. This is ample to prove that cultivate a hobby which distinct from your day job sometimes can be an astonishment. Other people like Bill Gates who majored in law and Mark Elliot Zuckerburg who majored in psychology both of them continue their hobbies computer programme and magnify this bent. Now, the world is enjoying their achievement.



Accounting is also my major so I deal with number all the time. Exerting all my efforts to assort the accounts seems to be the only stuff I have to worry. Notwithstanding I spend a lot of time reading comics and producing animations. In fact, the basis ofknowledge is the same, and no matter what you've learned you can earn the worth experience and widen your vision. Taking some time to relax with hobbies virtually makes you equipped with a certain amount of basic knowledge, which resembles a map, you will definitely steer clear the obstacles barring on your journey. More over you arm with yourself some insightful views over the whole subject and much rewarding experience in overcoming difficulties of the subject.



In short, try something different to enjoy does not bother your work. On the contrary, it brings more evangel to pursue the the worthiest goals, goals that contribute to the betterment of your life, and goals that suit your personal satisfaction.

stones4

哦，这是4.2 的NA

晨依Jacqueline

欢迎新成员stones4~~一起加油

夏雨霏霏

When I was a fresh, going to the library is(was) my daily work. Invariably, I chose to select（重复了，selected）the books which connected with my majors for I wanted to make the full use of my time to study my academic subject and became professional. Practically I tried to bring up hobbies that were similar to my work. Unfortunately, there is（如果还是大一的事，那就还是was） no efficiency when I read. It's easy to imagine that after the entire day's work, how nausea for me to do the same things in my spare time. So personally I strongly maintain that it's better to do something that totally different with your work.



Owning to the giant leap to the social development, when it comes to work, the first word reveal to my mind is pressure. Toil, funk and sentiment are all the elements are all follow the pressure,(that follow the pressure,elements 改feeling 吧) the existence of pressure essentially has bad influence to（on） our work（这句不顺啊，以上三个情感随压力而来，压力对工作有不好影响。。。。）. So how to release these pressure for the sake of superior efficiency work. There is no denying that if we try something new which nothing to do with our jobs would be a good way to relax ourselves. According to the survey, those who fond of hiking and outside activities, most of them (重复了删吧，在those 前加一个most of those)are white collar workers that(人一般都是who)generally stay away from the nature. They just type and type(keep typing我觉得更好) everyday, handle with document and （are）24 hours free for their bosses. Wise as they are to participate in these sorts of activities.



Matthew Emmons, the world championship of gunnery meeting. He was downright brilliant in the past few years, and famous for the two-time runner-up in the 2004 and 2008 Olympics. Nevertheless, his major is accounting. This is ample to prove that cultivate a hobby which distinct from your day job sometimes can be an astonishment. Other people like Bill Gates who majored in law and Mark Elliot Zuckerburg who majored in psychology both of them continue their hobbies computer programme and magnify this bent(这句明显两个主语). Now, the world is enjoying their achievement.



Accounting is also my major so I deal with number all the time. Exerting all my efforts to assort the accounts seems to be the only stuff I have to worry. Notwithstanding I spend a lot of time reading comics and producing animations. In fact, the basis ofknowledge is the same, and no matter what you've learned you can earn the worth experience and widen your vision. Taking some time to relax with hobbies virtually makes you equipped with a certain amount of basic knowledge, which resembles a map, you will definitely steer clear the obstacles barring on your journey. More over you arm with yourself some insightful views over the whole subject and much rewarding experience in overcoming difficulties of the subject.



In short, try something different to enjoy does not bother your work. On the contrary, it brings more evangel to pursue the the worthiest goals, goals that contribute to the betterment of your life and that suit your personal satisfaction.



Stone同学，作文里经常忘动词啊，有的句子有两个主语的现象啊，注意语法啊，建议句子衔接，句意写的再顺一点

同为accounting ,加油啦

stones4

4月3日
110617NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People can achieve happiness if they make others happy.






The smiles of my parents' and my girlfriend's are the most precious gifts that I have ever had in my life. I love them so much, the more glad they are, the happier I am. The origin of happiness can depict as a feeling transport. We spread our love and care to make others happy, in return, via others' emotions we receive the happiness. That is to say, we can earn happiness if we make others happy.



There are many super heroes, like Superman, batman and spider man. They tackle with the crimes everyday and all the issues are matters of life and death. Then, why do they do that? It's conceivable that they can't get any reward, so on no account should they do that. In the first place, personally I maintain, there's no denying that it's crucial to fulfill oneself. The question is how? Practically, the basis of self-fuifill-ment is to be joy and tranquil. Extraordinary as our heroes are, the innermost part of the souls is as equal as the commons'. As a result, they save people. Finally, when the survivors escape from death the emotions of peace and rejoice produce which play as a reward that transport to the heroes. Heroes obtain these rewards, so they would be happy and peaceful.



Apart from the super heroes in the comic, we all take roles as donators too. Whether you are student or teacher, a banker or cleaner, nabob or beggar, we share the things everyday. Student helps the teacher do assistant work and teacher impair knowledge to the student. Both of them are happy for they exchange the positive emotion from each other that make themselves joyful. The simplest example is that, if someone smiles at you, without doubt, you will smile back. However, what if someone shouts at you? Think about are we react to the different emotions. Generally, the sentiment of others' profoundly impact on us enable to make our mood fluctuation fiercely. It's easy to imagine the awful feeling after you quarrel with your girlfriend or boyfriend. Those are who closely related to you, so you are compelled to accept their moods even worst one. In the same way, you are contented if they go into rapture. As I concerned, emotion can transport thus no happiness can you gain unless you make others happy.



My favorite hobby is preparing surprises. That is the reason why I have more passion for my friends' birthdays compared with mine. Even if there's a startle, I still want to bring it to others and let they feel the day is different. Since I had pocket money, I have seldom spent for myself. For me, the most interesting thing is to see how different phiz will people have when I create the astonishment. In fact, nothing is more attractive than this can make me happy. A few months ago, a telecontrol helicopter was chosen as a gift for my girl's birthday. On that big day, I told her the signal was so bad that I couldn't listen, so she came to the living room and opened the windows. Suddenly, a toy helicopter revealed in front of her, with a ring beneath it attached by a string. I can never forget her shriek, and the next sweet kiss.



An investigation demonstrates that 80% of people fully notice the attitude from others. I cannot emphasize the vitality of the emotion transport and reception too much. Meanwhile, I strongly advocate that it's a splendid idea to get into the habit of giving others happiness. If we do utmost to do that, consequently, the happier we are.

晨依Jacqueline

4月3日独立修改
红色为错误，蓝色为疑惑or建议，高亮为精彩，最后的conclusion是个人观点请斟酌。
The smiles of my parents' and my girlfriend's are the most precious gifts that I have ever had in my life. I love them so much, the more glad（gladder？） they are, the happier I am. The origin of happiness can depict as a feeling transport. We spread our love and care to make others happy, in return, via others' emotions we receive the happiness. That is to say, we can earn happiness if we make others happy.

(建议加一个topic sentence~)There are many super heroes, like Superman, batman and spider man. They tackle with the crimes everyday and all the issues are matters of life and death. Then, why do they do that? It's conceivable that they can't get any reward, so on no account should they do that. In the first place, personally I maintain, there's no denying that it's crucial to fulfill oneself. The question is how? Practically, the basis of self-fulfillment is to be joy and tranquil. Extraordinary as our heroes are, the innermost part of the souls is as equal as the commons'. As a result, they save people. Finally, when the survivors escape from death the emotions of peace and rejoice produce which play as a reward that transport to the heroes. Heroes obtain these rewards, so they would be happy and peaceful.




Apart from the super heroes in the comic, we all take roles as donators(根据你后面的内容我认为说giver更为合适) too. Whether you are (+a)student or teacher, a banker or cleaner, nabob or beggar, we share the things(这里特指什么？) everyday. Student helps the teacher do assistant work(建议Students assist teachers with their work) and teacher impair(注意单复数和动词的变化呀,impair是削减的意思吧、) knowledge to the students. Both of them are happy for they exchange(for exchanging) the positive emotion from each other that make themselves joyful. The simplest example is that, if someone smiles at(我记得我们老师说过at给人的感觉好像不是太好，这里smile at多少有点一笑置之的意味，还是用to好了) you, without doubt, you will smile back. However, what if someone shouts at you? Think about are we(?) react to the different emotions. Generally, the sentiment of others' profoundly impact on us enable to make our mood fluctuation fiercely(应该用fierce就可以吧，adj.). It's easy to imagine the awful feeling after you quarrel with your girlfriend or boyfriend. Those are who closely related to you, so you are compelled to accept their moods even worst one. In the same way, you are contented if they go into rapture. As I concerned(不要简写啊), emotion can transport(transport what?) thus no happiness can you gain unless you make others happy.(这句稍微感觉有点chinglish~~)

My favorite hobby is preparing surprises.(段首最好点明一下要点，而且我觉得preparing surprises有点奇怪的表述，说hobby也不太合适吧？可以说我最喜欢或者最擅长为他人制造惊喜吧、、、) That is the reason why I have more passion for my friends' birthdays compared with mine. Even if there's a startle(这里我想提醒你一下这样写会削弱你的论点的因为你的surprise没有make others happy), I still want to bring it to others and let they feel the day is different. Since I had pocket money, I have seldom spent for(on) myself. For me, the most interesting thing is to see how different phiz will people have when I create the astonishment. In fact, nothing is more attractive than this can make me happy. A few months ago, a telecontrol helicopter was chosen as a gift for my girl's birthday. On that big day, I told her the signal was so bad that I couldn't listen, so she came to the living room and opened the windows. Suddenly, a toy helicopter revealed in front of her, with a ring beneath it attached by a string. I can never forget her shriek, and the next sweet kiss.(Wow, how romantic~!)(这里我还是想说一点就是最好能在结尾写个小总结句让读者在你写完这些例子之后能再回归到你的主题，这样会更有力！)




An investigation demonstrates that 80% of people fully notice the attitude from others. I cannot emphasize the vitality of the emotion transport and reception too much. Meanwhile, I strongly advocate that it's a splendid idea to get into the habit of giving others happiness. If we do utmost to do that, consequently, the happier we are.

【conclusion】stone的文章在举例和用词上很出彩，字数也够够的！



以我之见，说说几个小问题，你斟酌~1、the不要乱用，有很多地方不需要特指的加上the感觉很奇怪；2、每一段最好都能有一个主题句，这样会让结构更清晰。比如第一段你上来写parents和gf的smile，虽然也很好，但是读的时候感觉要比较深入一点才能明白你的point~后面三个论证段亦是如此，要让读者看完例子读完文章才能明白你的论点。3、stone在文章里面写了不少的问句，虽然可以引着读者深入到next point，但是感觉用的多了反而怪怪的，我认为这里和咱们写语文作文里面的设问是有区别的。4、制造惊喜的那一段确实和make other people happy有点冲突了，或者是可以强化一下你的surprise是怎么把startle变成happy的，感觉解释的不到位。

stones4

谢谢修改，我的问题真是一大堆呢， 前天刚要回复你的时候校园网就断了，好抱歉

stones4

嗯，我知道了，总感觉自己的句子和连接写的是超级不连贯·····

stones4

Government takes the responsibility to administrate the society which puts the citizen in the first place. It should consider both substantial and mental sides of the establishment of the city. Nevertheless, I think apart from the construction of infrastructure, according to the fact that more and more estates have been built by the companies. Thus, as the government has already arranged the elementary program at the same time the free-market is normally operating. Without doubt, it's time to sidely emphasize on the preserving old historic building.



Old historic building is the spirit of a city and the spirit is worth to be protected.Every period leaves distinct issues, as time goes by the clues of the issues remain in these housing. Such as vestiges made by bullets or the natural weathering. All these marks symbolize as the spirit of the city as long as they tell what have happened to the city. I live nearby a war relic, whenever I see those broken pillars, it remains me not only a historical issue but also a strong will that I acquire from my city, requiring the spirit of my city called strength.



Another reason to preserve old historic building is that it makes a city a far cry from others. Owning to the rapid development of urbanization, every city seems to be the same. Government and estate companydo utmost as they can to build financial centers, sumptuous flats, and CBDs. Open our eyes, skyscrapers fulfill the city. In this way, historic housing becomes more valuble for they are the only characteristics of a city. If I go to England, I will never miss the Big Ben. When talk about US, the statue of liberty could be the first image reveals in my mind. So I cannot emphasize the vitality of the preserve of the old one too much.



Finally, focus on the historic housing can also slow down the speed of urbanization. Construction of new buildings poses great threat to the environment because of the fuel emissions and the human activities. Deforestation, the annihilation of animals and water pollution are all induced by the over speed of urbanization. This is a matter of life and death--a matter no government can afford to ignore. Instead, draw more attention to the establishment of the old housing is more wise.



Last but not the least I wish to say that the choices between erecting the new building and preserving the historic one is equal to the question about the comparison with future and history. Though crucial as future is, the attention to the history is far more vital for history repeats itself.