【写作小分队】stones4···超越每天的自己····

晨依Jacqueline

谢谢修改，我的问题真是一大堆呢， 前天刚要回复你的时候校园网就断了，好抱歉

-- by 会员 stones4 (2012/4/5 11:36:08)

也谢谢你的建议 真的很棒！

stones4

It's hard to imagine that a policeman makes a relationship with a theif. Generally, those who are justice only make friends with upright people. According to this common phenomenon, it's conceivable to say that one can learn a lot about the person through the friends around him or her. I will try to examine below the specific reasons.

On the one hand, people who have the same interests are easier to become friends for they can have better communications and gain the resonance. My best friends and I, we are all big comic fans. In addtion, we dream the same dream about being animators and establish our own studio. Now let me focus on social website. Most websites offer a function which utilizes to find someone similar to oneself. As long as a person identifies himself with some keywords, he can find another person heads to the same domain through them. In fact, many people build their relationship in a way like this. As a result, the friend type apparently tells plentiful information about a person.

On the other hand, we make friends around us. That is to say, we have friends share the same neighborhood according to which has strongly proven that we are in the same level. Like, people attend the same university, virtually, at the beginning, possess knowledge to an identical degree. And on no account can you have a lot of friends in a better university as to you aren't willing to make friends in a worse college. The reason is that people in a better university look down on you in the way you despise the students in the worse college. This is human nature, trying to find someone in the same position as yours. Think about " gossip girls", except one of the main characters, it's seldom to see any of the ordinary one. The story just happens among the upper class people. an upper class person just has friends who are upper class.  

Finally, one can know people from their friends is due to personalities resemble to each other are more appealing when you select a friend, because people are used to contacting with something they admit and make sure that they can definitely in charge of it. It must  make them feel comfortable.

stones4

匆匆写完，字数不够

prodliu

It's hard to imagine that a policeman makes arelationship with a theif (thief). Generally,those who are justice（这是个名词） only make friends with upright people. Accordingto this common phenomenon, it's(应该分开写it is)conceivable to say that one can learn a lot about the person through thefriends around him or her. I will try to examine below the specific reasons.

On the one hand, people who have the same interests areeasier to become friends for(换成because好一些) they can have bettercommunications（不可数） and gain（receive） theresonance. My best friends and I, we are all big comic fans. (Both my best friend and I are big comic fans.) Inaddtion (addition), we dream the same dream about being animators and establish(establishing) our own studio. Now let me (us,既然是关注一下，应该让大家一起去关注) focus onsocial website. Most websites offer a function，（有逗号有which）which utilizes to（感觉翻译起来有点绕口，直接换成can help us to） findsomeone similar to oneself. As long as a person identifies himself with somekeywords, he can find another person heads to the same domain through them.你看看这样写是不是更好一些（Most social contact websites offer sucha function that a person can easily find someone who have the same or similarpersonalities or interests, as long as he or she identifies some keywords abouthimself or herself.字数差不多，但是更有条理一些） In fact, many people buildtheir relationship in a way like this. （Too often we observed that a majority of peoplebuild up relationship with others through such a kind of method.）As a result, the friend type apparently tells plentifulinformation about a person.

On the other hand, we make friends around us, that is tosay, we have friends who share the sameneighborhood according to which has strongly proven that we are in the samelevel.(没太明白意思，是说用以阶级的人更可能做朋友吗？) Like,people attend the same university, virtually, at the beginning, possessknowledge to an identical degree. And on no account can you have a lot offriends in a better university as to you aren't willing to make friends in aworse college.（有点太绝对了，好学校的学生一定就不会比差一点的学校的学生交朋友吗?尽量不要太绝对，大多数情况下就可以了。） The reason is that people in a better university lookdown on you in the way you despise the students in the worse college. This ishuman nature, trying to find someone in the same position as yours.（这样写会不会好一些，Pretty obviously, students who study insome famous/renowned universities will gain advanced theories and learnprofessional skills because these universities may receive more subsidies fromlocal government. From this point, there is a gap will present when theseworld-class students analyze a situation compared to mid-class students do,that as a result, it seems hard for both of them to be closely related becauseof the difference in depth of thinking.） Thinkabout " gossip girls", except one of the main characters, it's seldomto see any of the ordinary one. The story just happens among the upper classpeople. an upper class person just has friends who are upper class.  

Finally, one can know peoplefrom their friends is due to personalities resemble to each other are moreappealing when you select a friend, because people are used to contacting withsomething they admit and make sure that they can definitely in charge of it. Itmust make them feel comfortable.(结尾也需要再改进一下，)
总结一下，感觉论据不够充分具体，逻辑也需要加强一下，最好是一推论出来，就比如好学校学生和中等学校学生交友的例子。论点是不会成为好朋友，所以一推证出来，首先是好的学校会得到更多的资助，所以理论是最前沿的，技术是最专业的，导致好学校学生看问题的角度与中等学生不一样，所以因为思考深度的问题他们很难走的很近。这一系列推理就很合理。只是个人的鄙见，有不同的意思提出来。

stones4

刚打篮球回来，中午看完你的批改觉得说的太对了。我想的东西和写的完全不一样，不知道用什么逻辑表达自己的思路。

Crystaljoy

Stone加油哦~多多锤炼会进步很快滴~~

Crystaljoy

对了，建议你看《张宏岩 10天搞定托福作文》，大本营首页可下载的。
关于文章结构，行文逻辑那本讲的很不错~

Crystaljoy

最简单的一个小论点的逻辑思路： what---why---for example---conclusion

stones4

谢谢哦。我今天第一次写综合···独立写了几天，速度已然能跟上了，写作小分队好给力

stones4

第一次写综合有种想死的干嚼

The lecturer talks about research conducted by a firm that the group system when attacks a project. He says that the theory stated in the passage was various and somewhat inaccurate when compared to what happened for real.

First, some members got free rides for they didn't work hard but rely on others who make contributions to the group. Once the group won the honor, every member shares this profit, however, it was nothing to do with some of the people. In this case, it's conceivable unfair to those who worked hard on the project, a team as a whole, however, no name. What indicates in the passage called "shine" doesn't exist according to the content told by the lecturer.


Second, the professor advocated it took a long to make an accord agreement while passage says that a group of people have a widely range of knowledge so that it could work at a tremendous speed. The professor concluded that groups were slow in progress for the reason individuals can make a decision on their own, but it wasn't work on the team because of the number of people.


Third, if one or two people become influential, other members will be affected, induces decrease their creativity. This directly contradicts what the passage indicates that individual has a better chance to share as long as team members who have voice maybe influence by others.