不以30分为目标的行为都是耍，流，氓！

Crystaljoy

第二是有否必要最后来一个to sum up，楼主可以斟酌下，因为ets的范文和无老师的满分写作范文都没有最后一段。另外，不知码这三百多字有没有超时，综合写到点子上，连接词和句式有所变化，二百来字就行了（这个是个人观点，综合写作要求是150-225，一般的范文也是220+—）。

第一次改综合，肯定很多不足，咱们共同探讨啊~

-- by 会员 byron777 (2012/2/28 22:27:35)

Byron, 我看的群分享的TPO综合高分文章，有的有结论的。时间允许，觉得写一个结论更加全面呢。
我考试时候综合写了280+ 包括结论，剩5分钟检查，其实我打字不快至今还没有练到盲打英文呢= = 。
最后总体作文得28分，看坛子里面有满分大牛综合都写350+。我猜测字数越多越好因为ETS喜欢细节，并且听力的细节最好多写。

Serena0710

第二是有否必要最后来一个to sum up，楼主可以斟酌下，因为ets的范文和无老师的满分写作范文都没有最后一段。另外，不知码这三百多字有没有超时，综合写到点子上，连接词和句式有所变化，二百来字就行了（这个是个人观点，综合写作要求是150-225，一般的范文也是220+—）。

第一次改综合，肯定很多不足，咱们共同探讨啊~

-- by 会员 byron777 (2012/2/28 22:27:35)

Byron, 我看的群分享的TPO综合高分文章，有的有结论的。时间允许，觉得写一个结论更加全面呢。
我考试时候综合写了280+ 包括结论，剩5分钟检查，其实我打字不快至今还没有练到盲打英文呢= = 。
最后总体作文得28分，看坛子里面有满分大牛综合都写350+。我猜测字数越多越好因为ETS喜欢细节，并且听力的细节最好多写。

-- by 会员 Crystaljoy (2012/2/29 22:04:23)

谢谢鸟儿的tip~

Serena0710

Pope Pius has said that“ Everything is being transformed under the magic influence of science and technology. ”And every day, if we want to live with open eyes, we have problems to study, to resolve." Obvious, from the sentence above, we can conclude that even though the world become small due to the internet and we can fight with a lot of terrible diseases owing to the breakthrough in medicine, we still have problems to address even outside of our lifetime.


Some world problems we are faced will take a long time to work out. We can see people in impoverished regions suffer hungry from the TV news. We can see the fate of rain forests, which are logged and cleared, on the newspapers. We can see a lot of serious issues taken place in every minute in this planet. Even though we take measures to stop those things, they still need years to be solved. This point can also be confirmed by the example of war. People have been fighting for resources and religion etc. for thousands of yeas. It is unlikely to end in few decades.


Besides the long time, the limited technology could also be attributed to the long-stalled problems. For example, it is well-known that disease lies as one of most crucial problems in today’s world, for the reason that everyone has to face the disease. Experts keep making profound breakthrough, but some diseases can not be cured such as AIDS and cancel.


So, can we solve all the problems someday? Yes! Do we have no more problems since that day? No! As we can see from our history, when we figure out one, the other comes up immediately. Additionally, finding problems is a good way for the society to make progress.


With all the evidence provided above, we can have the undoubted conclusion that the problems, especially the most important ones, affect our social like the mentioned above cannot be solved in our daily life. Instead, we are supposed to apply the things we have learnt on the practical to promote the technique development which can bring us a more bright future.

Serena0710

3.1独立People are now easier to become educated than in the past.

In the past several decades, our parents, especially our grandparents hardly have the opportunity to get access to schooling. However, with the development of the society, more and more people can obtain knowledge through different ways. So, it is safe to say that it is more easier for people nowadays to be educated than used to.

Compared with the primary school and middle school twenty years ago, fundamental schooling today in most of the area in the world has become free for all the students. My grandfather always told me the story of him when his was a teenager. At that time, only a few people who did a excellent job at study had the opportunity to get to middle school, and my grandfather was one of those lucky people. This is because the country was poor and couldn't provide free education for children. In addition, most families couldn’t afford more than one children to go to school. Obviously, it is really a big progress the authority ever made for the reason that almost every kid in China, now,  have the opportunity to go to primary school and middle school.

The other compelling evidence is that now we have many kinds of education institutions provided for us. Whatever we want to learn, we can find some where to be taught. When we want to learn French, Korean or Japanese, we can go to the private institutions such as Xindongfang and Topway to have these foreign courses, which is pretty convenient. When I was a kid, it was very difficult to find a piano teacher, while there are a lot of private piano schools for students to choose.

As the internet become more and more prevalent, the emerge of online courses provide us a more efficient to be educated. You needn’t go out and suffer from the bad weather but just at home, you may learn more and better from the online school than traditional schools. All of this can not imagined twenty years ago.

As we see emernous changes happened in the education area, we can safely conclude that we are more easily to be educated than before because of the free fundamental schooling, everywhere education institutions and effective online sources.

boboo

2-28 综合修改

Thereading passage examines the topic whether selling or buy(buying) fossils is a good thing. The professor'sspeech is concerned withthe same topic. However, she contends that the benefits greatly outweigh thedisadvantages brought by fossil trading, which is exactly the opposite og(on) what the reading passage asserts. Andin the presentation, she offers plenty of evidence to buttress her idea. (感觉这句稍微有点多余了)

First, even though the reading passage indicatesthat the public will have no chance（有点太绝对了，reading中说的是harder） to see the fossils if fossils are sold tothe private collectors instead of donating to the museums. The professor arguesin the lecture that low level public schools and institutions have more chanceto see the fossils （Because .This is 这个可以直接删掉） because fossils are traded for purchase anddisplayed more than they used to.

Second, the statement in the reading thatscientist will miss a lot of important discoveries about the evolution of life.Because it seems that researchers have less opportunities to do research on thefossils. However, the professor states that no fossils will be putvalue（这个有点奇怪） until they are confirmed by the experts. Then, she strengthens this ideaby pointing out the fact that every fossil will be passed through experts andno one will be missed out because of the confirmation.

Finally, the professor believes that without thecommercial collectors, many fossils will be undiscovered while the readingpassage claims that commercial collectors will pose lots of damages on thefossils. The professor verifies that this claim is very weak by pointing outthat finding more fossils is better than taking pains to locate them by the expertsthemselves.


点听得很全，我第三点就完全没听清楚。没发现太多问题，倒是学到了很多表达。赞一个！

noarkid

Pope Pius has said that“ Everything is being transformed under the magic influence of science and technology. ”And every day, if we want to live with open eyes, we have problems to study, to resolve." Obvious, from the sentence above, we can conclude that even though the world become small due to the internet and we can fight with a lot of terrible diseases owing to the breakthrough in medicine, we still have problems to address even outside of our lifetime.

Some world problems we are faced will take a long time to work out. We can see people in impoverished regions suffer hungry from the TV news.(We can see from the TV news people in impoverished regions suffer hungry感觉原先那么写有点头重脚轻) We can see the fate of rain forests, which are logged and cleared, on the newspapers. We can see a lot of serious issues taken place in every minute in this planet. Even though we take measures to stop those things, they still need years to be solved. This point can also be confirmed by the example of war. People have been fighting for resources and religion etc. for thousands of yeas. It is unlikely to end in few decades.

Besides the long time, the limited technology could also be attributed to the long-stalled problems. For example, it is well-known that disease lies as one of most crucial problems in today’s world, for the reason that everyone has to face the disease. Experts keep making profound breakthrough, but some diseases can not be cured such as AIDS and cancel. （感觉这句话结构很好，个人感觉用though更好）

So,（感觉这里应该是转折了BUT） can we solve all the problems someday? Yes! Do we have no more problems since that day? No! As we can see from our history, when we figure out one, the other comes up immediately. Additionally, finding problems is a good way for the society to make progress.

With all the evidence provided above, we can have the undoubted conclusion that the problems, especially the most important ones, affect our social like the mentioned above cannot be solved in our daily life. Instead, we are supposed to apply the things we have learnt on the practical to promote the technique development which can bring us a more bright future.


觉得很赞啦。。。。

Serena0710

Work-holics regard career almost as the whole world of their life for the reason that earning a great deal of money is the key to happiness and can give them ennough (enough) security. As far as I am concerned, however, social life plays a more important role than work does no matter your career is successful or not.


A perfect job can only fulfill a person’s ambition while friends are the real origin of happiness. The majority of people (people) who work hard for most time of their life hold the opinion that making enough money make them happy. However, if a person devote (devotes) all the energy to work, then how could he has time to enjoy his life? On the opposite, hanging out with firend (friend) to watch foot matches and go traveling to meet new friends can help you approach true happiness. Here is a true story can illustrate my points. Working in the investment bank is admired by a lot of business school students even though they have to work more than 100 hours week to get promotion. My older sister is work in investment bank in Hongkong and she has told me a story of her junior colleague Mike. Mike's girlfriend came from Canada to hold a birthday party for him on a weekend, but Mike even didn’t have one minute to meet with his girlfriend. At the beginning (beginning), the girl could understand Mike, but after no more than three month, she finally broke up with Mike for being separated (separated) for too long and mike felt very head-broken about this ending. Mike may learn a lesson that if you don't have any time for your social life, millions of salary will have no matter with happiness.


People may feel frustrated when faced with failure on their work. At this time, social life can give them comfort and even make them happy again. After I graduated from my university, I don't spend as much time as used to having fun with my friends. I am busy with my work. One day, when I failed to compete with my colleague and didn't get the promotion from an assistant to a manager, I felt very depressed and thus I went to find my one of my best friends. He encouraged me and took me to a beautiful place to have relaxation. As a result, I forgot about the frustration on career and became happy as usual.


Adimittedly (admittedly), people can't just abondan (abandon) their job and soly (solely) indulge in the social life. After all, basic needs of life necessitate money and people will feel empty when they do not do any work. A better way for us to have a happier life may be finding a balance between work and social life.

chasedreamabc

你作文贴啥时叫了这个名字，太霸气了

Serena0710

你作文贴啥时叫了这个名字，太霸气了

-- by 会员 chasedreamabc (2012/8/21 21:11:55)

啊哈哈~作为小分队的老人儿，希望我最终不是流氓行为。。。。

chasedreamabc

你作文贴啥时叫了这个名字，太霸气了

-- by 会员 chasedreamabc (2012/8/21 21:11:55)

啊哈哈~作为小分队的老人儿，希望我最终不是流氓行为。。。。

-- by 会员 Serena0710 (2012/8/21 22:54:40)

你作为老人儿，只要30分太没追求了，不到31就是耍流氓=。。=