不以30分为目标的行为都是耍，流，氓！

A360

WoooooW!!!!太感谢了

boboo

写得很好！自愧如不~~~
学到了很多表达，我觉得这不是批改，而是学习的过程。
没发现太多问题，有疑问的都用蓝色的给出了，高亮是精彩~~


InChina, there is an adage that says, “‘Thepoor man’ child shares the household chores,”(猛地反应过来是穷人家的孩子早当家)the implication being that child who lives in rural areas has taken the responsibilityto take care of the family since his or her childhood（用复数会不会更好点，后面只用一个their）.As a result, people living in country indeed do a better job in looking after their familymembers than people living in cities. As far as I’m concerned, I support this statement forfinancial, emotional and educational reasons.（观点鲜明，列出三方面原因，赞）


People grow up in the ruralareas not only have the ability to use money in a more proper way to make theirfamily live better, but also have learnt how to take care of youngsters sincethey are teenagers. In Chinese country, a family usuallyhas more than one child even though the one-child polity（policy） has been implemented for years.Obviously, more children means heavier financial burden .Therefore, when parents are busy with(be busy doing是可以的)making money, elder children have to look after the baby ones, buy some dailynecessities and（even更好点，应该有递进关系）cook meals for the family. And in this process, teenagers develop the customsto save every penny to sustain and（可以去掉？） forthe kids’ schooling. （个人觉得还可以从说因为生活艰苦，他们会意识到钱的重要性，不会乱花，会用更合适的方式来花）


Aside from the financial burdens, emotional reason is equallyimportant. In order to save electricity charge, people live in rural areasrarely watch TV for many hours（觉得有点奇怪，可以去掉）.Consequently, they（their） family members have more time tocommunicate with each other and thus have a deeper affection. Additionally, because of more children limitedresources, people are prone to be considerate to others and forgive others’ faults.This kind of home deserves a harmonious environment. In city, however, because of the family plan, most kidsdo not know how to get on well with others even family members, nor do theyknow it after growing up(推得好像有点太绝对了，另外可以说下城市计划生育审查严格，不然和首段有点矛盾).


And let’s not forget that education from different parents leadsto the discrepancy. On theone hand, parents live in rural areas set themselves as examples to work hardto support the family. On the other hand, they always choose to make the childrendoing some or even all the household chores. Unlike the country parents,many city parents spoil their children so much that the majority of the kidscan’t do any housework, letalone take care of their family after getting married.


For these reasons, we can safely conclude that people living inpoorer areas have more chance to cultivate the ability for life and foster a sense of responsibility than those livingin a more comfortable environment.

Serena0710

嘿嘿，谢谢boboo 的修改！！你的长处就是逻辑很好，能把事情将清楚，而这就是我的弱项，我已经很努力的自圆其说了，但是我怎么看都觉得论证方面都差一大截子。。。咱俩互补啦~

Serena0710

We may all hear the adage that “Knowledge is power,” implying knowledge breeds success, for hundred times from our grandparents.   But who have ever though that may being misleading? It’s not knowledge that’s power; it’s the application of knowledge that provided   the power which contributes to success. And as far as I’m concerned, the advice from our grandparents is useless and never suitable for nowadays society.



As I mentioned just now, suggestion from the elders may mislead us for the reason that they have a relatively limited perspective to        recognize the new world. For example, in 1970s, when my aunt was thinking about which subject to major, my aunt, with her best friend, wanted to choose computer science and technology. However, my grandmother forced my aunt to major in accounting, which was the hottest at that period. After a couple years, it was proved that my aunt’s best friend, who majored in computer, have a right choice. Because undergraduates from computer were really scarce at that time and she got a really high-paid job. In sharp contrast, my aunt only did some basic job in the accounting department in a common factory.



Besides, taking advice from our grandparents will make us inefficient. On the one hand, the way they collect information is out of date. Considering the advent of communication technology, we learn about things at one click of a button on our computers or cell phones. The information provided is up-to-date, easy to access and widely available to the public. On the other hand, they got success by their own effort, but today, team spirit is one of the most important work ethic that we value. As a result, it is not wise to take advice from people whose experience for success stays in fifty years ago.



Most importantly, suggestions from the old will restrict us to foster the sense of innovation, which is kind of risky. Generally, as age grows, people will become more and more traditional and cautious. And thus they hope that they children’s life can be stable rather than taking risk. My grandpa used to be a director of a factory. He often refused the reform proposal which was provided buy young talented persons. He always told me that “the more stability the better”. Finally, the factory gradually lost its competitive advantage and had a lower profit.



There is nothing wrong with being modest and eager to learn, but we’d better have the ability to tell which advice is the one we really need. And this is what makes differences between nobody and somebody.

Crystaljoy

Serena 有木有写24号的呢？

Serena0710

Serena 有木有写24号的呢？

-- by 会员 Crystaljoy (2012/2/25 17:22:13)

木有啊鸟儿，昨晚洗了澡头发没干出去转了一圈，回来之后还在寒风中接了一小时的电话，早上起来就牺牲了。。。卧床到4点才起来，刚把八戒哥的作文改好~~~我直接写25的文章吧~~然后等会把你的改一下~~

Crystaljoy

虽然春天来了乖要继续穿厚哦，咱们这里近日持续降温中。我来改改你23号的，帮八戒个老猪补作业。

We may all hear the adage that “Knowledge is power,” implying knowledge breeds success, for hundred （hundreds of,要不就a hundred也成吧~）times from our grandparents.   But who have（has） ever though(thought) that may being(be) misleading?（+in some way） It’s not knowledge that’s power; it’s the application of knowledge that provided  the power which contributes to success. And as far as I’m concerned, the advice from our grandparents is useless and never(seldom避免绝对)suitable for nowadays society.

As I （have 尽量用现在时态）mentioned just now, suggestion from the elders may mislead us for the reason that they have a relatively limited perspective to recognize the new world（认识世界，这样表达地道不？understand the world?）. For example, in 1970s, when my aunt was thinking about which subject to major, my aunt, with her best friend, wanted to choose computer science and technology. However, my grandmother forced my aunt to major in accounting, which was the hottest at that period. After a couple（a couple of 几） years, it was proved that my aunt’s best friend, who majored in computer, have a right choice（had made the wise decision）. Because undergraduates from computer (major)were really scarce at that time and(thus 前后句是因果关系吧) she got a really high-paid job. In sharp contrast, my aunt only did some basic job(acquired an ordinary position) in the accounting department in a common factory.

Besides, taking advice from our grandparents will make us inefficient. On the one hand, the way they collect information is out of date. Considering the advent of communication technology, we learn about things(the latest news and knowledge 具体些好，少用thing) at one click of a button on our computers or cell phones. The(Such 更前后承接，显得连贯) information provided is up-to-date, easy to access and widely available to the public. On the other hand, they got success by(through) their own effort, but today, team spirit is one of the most important work ethic that we value. As a result, it is not wise to take advice from people whose experience for success stays(appicable) in fifty years ago.

Most importantly, suggestions from the old will restrict us to foster the sense of innovation, which is kind of risky. Generally, as age grows, people will become more and more traditional and cautious. And thus they hope that they(their) children’s life can be stable rather than taking risk(risky 显得对称点儿). My grandpa used to be a director of a factory. He often refused the reform proposal which was provided buy(by) young talented persons. He always told me that “the more stability the better”. Finally, the factory gradually lost its competitive advantage and had(generated 哈哈，个人不太喜欢多have) a lower profit.

There is nothing wrong with being modest and eager to learn, but we’d better have the ability to tell which advice is the one we really need. And this is what makes differences between nobody and somebody.

Serena写的真不错噢！用词很棒！就是打字的错误检查时候要细心哟~

Serena0710

谢谢鸟儿细致的修改，我就是太不细心啊！！！而且，用词的话把，还一边写着一边翻着参考书和词典。。。今儿起，我决定不再这样做，争取自己写45分钟完成！
PS. 鸟儿的爱心天气提醒哟~~

jiaosisisisi

225是不是我们互相改呢。。。。

Serena0710

225是不是我们互相改呢。。。。

-- by 会员 jiaosisisisi (2012/2/26 9:32:42)

是呀是呀~~我225的作文题目在前几天写过啦~~music翻一下我前面的作文吧~~