晨依小超人的写作贴，欢迎拍砖！

Serena0710

Treating people politely is an essential element in the process of creating a harmonious society and we are often taught never to be rude to others since our childhood. Although politeness is a key piont(point) in our daily communications, I believe there are still a few reasons accounting for being impolite to another preson(person).
For one reason, there are some emotions, like anger, annoy and eager, sometimes leading to impoliteness during a conversation. In addition, people may have a tendency to be rude to others when they are in an emergency situation（because of an emergency situation可以让上下文在逻辑上更好一些，呵呵，只是我的个人感觉，晨依你再读读看？）. However, this kind of impoliteness or rudeness is understandable and acceptable after a proper explaination(explanation). For example, once my best friend and I hold totally different ideas on an issue and consequently we had a firm quarrel. She got so angery(angry) that she shouted at me with some dirty words as well（这里的as well 和谁并列呢？）, which made me extremely depressed and upset for quite a long time. At the moment I thought that I would lose my best friend ever since, she came to me with her sincere apology, which broke the coldness between us. So, in my point of view, a comtemperoray(temporary) impoliteness caused by some special emotions is not an evil in people's communication.
For another reason, as politeness is important to both the speaker and the listener in a conversation, their（there） is no necessary for one person to keep being gentle and graceful if the other one shows no respect at all. Furthermore, a friendly talk is based on joint efforts from both sides. If the person we are talking with is really aggressive and attacktive, we are of no need to endure his insult with an elegant smile because he does not deserve our politeness. There is an ancient Chinese story about an intelligent embassender(ambassador) visiting another country but was treated in a rude and insultant way by the emperor there. It was unfriendly and unbearable for him because he was on behalf of his country. In order not to watch his country insulted, he managed to trick the emperor in very sharp words and defend the dignity of his own country. We can draw a conclusion from this story that being rude to others is acceptable and needed under the circumstance when we are attacked by others first.（例子给的很好！）
It is known to all that treating other people in a kind and polite way is a virtue in Chinese culture. However, politeness does not mean we have to perform like a graceful lady or a gentleman all the time. As for me, whether being polite or not to another person depends on different situations. Since people all have their own mood, they have the ability to justify on which condition is the rudeness accountable and understandable.（whether rudeness is accountable and understandable or not in the certain condition.这样写有木有好一点呢？）
To conclude, I disagree with the statement that there is never a reason to be rude or impolite to others though respect is dispensable in our daily communications because there exists reluctant rudeness caused by emotions which are not well controled(controlled) and the defensive impoliteness is reasonable sometimes.(最后一句太长了，读起来比较不明朗，个人认为从because前断开比较好~~嘻嘻，晨依自己斟酌吧~~我水平太次鸟。。。)


总的来说，我觉得晨依写的作文还是非常非常不错的，字数也够够的，继续加油进步吧~~~

晨依Jacqueline

谢谢Serena姐姐的修改~(*^__^*) 嘻嘻……
每次早上打开电脑看到大家帮我修改的作文都好开心呢
贴上晨依的修改稿~自己又找了两个小错误。。。。
【晨依修改稿】

Treating people politely is an essential element in the process of creating a harmonious society and we are often taught never to be rude to others since our childhood. Although politeness is a key piont(point) in our daily communications, I believe there are still a few reasons accounting for being impolite to another preson(person).

For one reason, there are some emotions, like anger, annoy and eager, sometimes leading to impoliteness during a conversation. In addition, people may have a tendency to be rude to others because of an emergency situation. However, this kind of impoliteness or rudeness is understandable and acceptable after a proper explaination(explanation). For example, once my best friend and I hold(held)totally different ideas on an issue and consequently we had a firm quarrel. She got so angery(angry) that she shouted at me with some dirty words as well（这里的as well 和谁并列呢？——这个地方我其实想写的是“她对我大喊大叫还说了一些脏话”，读着好像as well有点多余，去掉好了）, which made me extremely depressed and upset for quite a long time. At the moment I thought that I would lose my best friend ever since, she came to me with her sincere apology, which broke the coldness between us. So, in my point of view, a comtemperoray(temporary) impoliteness caused by some special emotions is not an evil in people's communication.

For another reason, as politeness is important to both the speaker and the listener in a conversation, their（there） is no necessary for one person to keep being gentle and graceful if the other one shows no respect at all. Furthermore, a friendly talk is based on joint efforts from both sides. If the person we are talking with is really aggressive and attacktive, we are of no need to endure his insult with an elegant smile because he does not deserve our politeness. There is an ancient Chinese story about an intelligent embassender(ambassador) visiting another country but was treated in a rude and insultant way by the emperor there. It was unfriendly and unbearable for him because he was on behalf of his country. In order not to watch his country insulted, he managed to trick the emperor in very sharp words and defended the dignity of his own country. We can draw a conclusion from this story that being rude to others is acceptable and needed under the circumstance when we are attacked by others first.

It is known to all that treating other people in a kind and polite way is a virtue in Chinese culture. However, politeness does not mean we have to perform like a graceful lady or a gentleman all the time. As for me, whether being polite or not to another person depends on different situations. Since people all have their own mood, they have the ability to justify whether rudeness is accountable and understandable or not in the certain condition.（我自己也觉得我那个倒装用的很别扭，读起来不舒服。改！）

To conclude, I disagree with the statement that there is never a reason to be rude or impolite to others though respect is dispensable in our daily communications. That is because there exists reluctant rudeness caused by emotions which are not well controled(controlled) and the defensive impoliteness is reasonable sometimes.(确实我之前写的句子太长了，还是分成两句更好。)

Crystaljoy

晨依，2.11的作文我可能要2.12晚上才能给你改咯~ 明天要出门啦~
你提前安排下明天上午的事情吧。
Really Sorry~

晨依Jacqueline

2月21日 2010.8.28NA
题目：Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Since people care public recognition more than money, they will work harder to obtain public recognition even though there is no more money given. Use specific reasons to support your answer.

作文：
With the constant enrichment of people's cultural and spiritual life, there is an increasing number of people regarding their public recognition as a more outstand point in their lives, even superior to wealth.  As for as I'm concerned, people tend to attach great importance to obtaining their public recognition and they may work harder in order to win recognition from others in spite that a larger amount of money is given. Reasons are as follows.

In the first place, a pride from others brings people much more satisfactories(satisfaction) than earning lots of money. As we can see from the Maslow's theory(Maslow's hierarchy of needs) of people's requirement, all kinds of needs are divided into five levels, including the basic needs of material and the requirement of recognition from others. According to Maslow's theory, the requirement of recognition, which involves both internal recognition and public recognition, is on a higher level than the substantial needs. That is to say, when people's basic needs are satisfied, they usually have the tendency to chase a higher level of requirement-a satisfaction and recognition from the public. Since public recognition brings people great enjoyment and sense of achievement, no wonder there are a large group of successful businessmen willing to donate their money to the contribution of our society.

Furthermore, people now are concentrating much on their reputation and recognition because a sounded fame is dispensable in their interpersonal relationships and their career. Unlike people in the past, they considered the amount of money as the criteria to success. However, in the modern society, a high recognition from others is an essential symble of one's achievement. More and more concentration is paid on reputation for its powerful influence on forming people's own social networks and accelerating trades among various enterprises. Even though a greater deal of wealth people are possessing, they are still unreluctant to do the best of their abilities to make themselves highly recognized by others.

Last but not the least, public recognition is sometimes seen as a motivation to people's further development. One famous motivation theory discribes(describes) an equality of "M=V*E" , which indicates that values(V) and expectations(E) people receive from others have a strong promotion to their motivation(V) on their work. Now that obtaining public recognition may stimulate people's ambition and desire for work, in return, they feel like working deligently(diligently) to keep themselves with a sense of honor and achievement, which beyond their desire for money.

In conclusion, people are shifting their eyesights to a requirement of a higher level-public recognition. In my opinion, public recognition brings greater satisfaction and achievement than money does, not only to their further development, but also in their social relationships and work.

Crystaljoy

2.21  今晚就能改好啦，开心~

With the constant enrichment of people's cultural and spiritual life, there is an increasing number of people regarding their public recognition as a more outstand point（ outstand是动词，outstanding杰出的。建议改为significant part played） in their lives, even superior to wealth.  As for （far）as I'm concerned, people tend to attach great importance to obtaining their public recognition and they may work harder in order to win recognition from others in spite that a larger amount of money is given.(尽管给他们更多的钱？题目是尽管不给钱)Reasons are as follows.

In the first place, a pride from others （来自他人的骄傲？建议用recognition gained from others）brings people much more satisfactories(satisfaction) than earning lots of money( a great amount of money earned. 语法上说money不可数，尽管生活中钞票是可数的~ 句式上than前后保持一致). As we can see from the Maslow's theory(Maslow's hierarchy of needs) of people's requirement, all kinds of needs are divided into five levels, including the basic needs of material and the requirement of recognition from others.（前面提到五种level，后面and列举之后最好加个etc./and so on） According to Maslow's theory, the requirement of recognition, which involves both internal recognition and public recognition, is on a higher level than the substantial needs. That is to say, when people's basic needs are satisfied, they usually have the tendency to chase a higher level of requirement-a satisfaction and recognition from the public. Since public recognition brings people great enjoyment and （a）sense of achievement, no wonder there are (is)a large group of successful businessmen willing to donate their money to the contribution of our society. (感觉“社会贡献”这样表述不妥，建议改为to make a contribution to/ to the progress of )

Furthermore, people now are concentrating much on their reputation and recognition because a sounded fame is dispensable in（to） their interpersonal relationships and their career (development 为了前后看起来协调，我真的吹毛求疵了嘿嘿). Unlike people in the past, they considered the amount of money as the criteria to success. However, in the modern society, a high recognition from others is an essential symble（symbol） of one's achievement. More and more concentration is paid on reputation for its powerful influence on forming people's own social networks and accelerating trades among various enterprises. Even though a greater deal of wealth people are possessing, they are still unreluctant (我怎么没查到这个词) to do the best of their abilities（make the best use of their abilities? 建议do their best to更简洁 ） to make themselves highly recognized by others.

Last but not theleast, public recognition is sometimes seen as a motivation to people's further development. One famous motivation theory discribes(describes) an equality of "M=V*E" , which indicates that values(V) and expectations(E) people receive from others have a strong promotion to their motivation(V) on their work. Now that obtaining public recognition may stimulate people's ambition and desire for work, in return, they feel like working deligently(diligently) to keep themselves with a sense of honor and achievement, which （is）beyond their desire for money. (这个句子感觉有点拖沓了，但是我暂时没想到更好的表达)

In conclusion, people are shifting their eyesights（谷歌学术没看到这个词组呢，不知道地道不？ shifting attention） to a requirement of a higher level-public recognition. In my opinion, public recognition brings greater satisfaction and achievement than money does, not only to their further development, but also in their social relationships and work.（个人感觉这样分类不太合适呀，如果能总结上文几个方面好一些）

晨依进步真大啊~我大半夜改的好激动~很努力滴挑了挑，明天再探讨吧~

晨依Jacqueline

啦啦啦啦啦~~~夜猫子还没有睡觉呢！
谢谢鸟儿姐姐给我改作文，今天这篇写的异常吃力，我真的要好好看一看！
我发现了一个大问题！我看成了even more money is given！

晨依Jacqueline

贴上晨依今天的修改稿，O(∩_∩)O谢谢鸟儿姐姐的批改~
PS：不是吹毛求疵哦，是画龙点睛喔~~~~假设我的作文是龙嘿嘿
GREAT~！今天又稍微改了几个句子。。。
【晨依修改稿】
With the constant enrichment of people's cultural and spiritual life, there is an increasing number of people regarding their public recognition as a moresignificant part played(这个地方改了以后比我自己之前想表达的意思好多了) in their lives, even superior to wealth.  As faras I'm concerned, people tend to attach great importance to obtaining their public recognition and they may work harder in order to win recognition from others in spite thatno more money is given.(晨依审题过程中自动忽略了no,该打!)Reasons are as follows.

In the first place, recognition gained from othersbrings people much more satisfactories(satisfaction) than money.As we can see from the Maslow's hierarchy of needs, many stages of growth in human motivations generally move through, including the Physiological, Safety, Belongingness and Love, Esteem, and Self-Actualization needs, and so on. According to Maslow's theories, Esteem, which involves both self-esteem and respect by others, is on a higher level than needs for property.(马斯洛这里我又修改了一下，想写的专业一点呢，大家再帮我看一看吧~)That is to say, when people's basic needs are satisfied, they usually have the tendency to chase a higher level of requirement-a satisfaction and recognition from the public. Since public recognition brings people great enjoyment and asense of achievement, no wonder there is a large group of successful businessmen willing to donate their money to make contributions toour society.

Furthermore, people now are concentrating much on their reputation and recognition because a sounded fame is dispensable to their interpersonal relationships and their careerdevelopment(我之前也是觉得这里读着不舒服，加上development好多啦).Unlike people in the past, they considered the amount of money as the criteria to success. However, in the modern society, a high recognition from others is an essentialsymbol of one's achievement. More and more concentration is paid on reputation for its powerful influence on forming people's own social networks and accelerating trades among various enterprises. Even though a greater deal of wealth people are possessing, they are still unreluctant (=willing情愿的，愿意的)to do their best to make themselves highly recognized by others.

Last but not theleast, public recognition is sometimes seen as a motivation to people's further development. One famous motivation theory discribes(describes) an equality of "M=V*E" , which indicates that values(V) and expectations(E) people receive from others have a strong promotion to their motivation(M) on their work.Namely, obtaining public recognition may stimulate people's ambition and desire for work. In return, peoplefeel like working deligently(diligently) to keep themselves with a sense of honor and achievement, which isbeyond their desire for money.(晨依把之前的一个句子拆开了，看看这样效果肿么样~)

In conclusion, people are shifting their attention(实不相瞒，之前的shift eyesight是晨依自己编的……囧)to a requirement of a higher level-public recognition. In my point, public recognition brings people so much satisfaction and achievement that it motives people make effort to persue respect from others regardless of money. (最后一句重新写的，算是复述了一下题目观点吧)

PS：我发现这篇很难举出什么例子啊，第二个论证段直接就没有例子。而且另外两段只写了个小理论，不是很充分呀，我需要积累！

晨依Jacqueline

今天总算是控制自己在一个半小时内写完了……呼
其实我想写三段来着，可是感觉实在写不出来了，字数也不多，憋作文真是件痛苦的事情呢~~~
麻烦猫猫使劲帮我修改修改喔~晨依小超人在这里谢过了~~~
2月22日 独立写作

题目2010.10.9NA

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Compared with people who live in cities, people who live in rural areas can take better care of their families. Use specific reasons to support your answer.

Many people believe that people living in rural areas can care more about their families than those living in cities. However, I don't think their point hold water. We cannot draw such hasty conclusion that living in rural areas is more beneficial for people to take good care of their family members.

For one thing, it is known to all that rapid expansion of cities and the skyrocketing prices of houses have forced a number of people to live in the suburbs instead of living in cities. Unlike people who settle down in rural areas, the highly developed public transportation provide people living in cities an access to saving time on the way. In fact, it only takes them little time getting home, which gives them a longer time sharing joys with their families. On the contray(contrary), take Lucy, a colleague of my mother as an example. It cost her nearly two hours driving to work everyday because she cannot afford to buy an apartment in the city. It is her busy work and too much time wasted on the road that make her feel very sorry for not looking well after her 3-year-old daughter. So, it cannot be concluded that all people living in the country would take better care of their families.

For another reason, family members of people who live in urban areas have access to a better material life. For example, they have more connections with hospitals of higher qualities and aboundant(abundant) supplies which satisfy their daily needs. Even though many people are exposed to heavy workload, there are lots of experienced baby-sitters for them to hire to look after there babies. A friend of mine once got an extremely serious pain in his leg but the doctor in a local hospital was restricted to operate him because of their old equipments. When his anxious father took him to a city hospital with good reputation, he accepted a careful treatement(treatment) and recovered very soon. From that we can see a better living standard in cities is another key component leading to a happy family life.

As far as I'm concerned, the best way to take care of our family members is to provide them frequent companion and a high qualified living standard. I argue for people who live in urban areas because they meet the both needs better than those who live in the country or suburbs.

挑食的猫

总体：观点清晰，例举充分，词汇丰富！
建议个别用词改进，长句过多

ps:猫猫首次考托，经验有限，多多指导多多包涵哈：）


修订： 蓝色错误或疑惑，紫色可删除，高亮为精彩！
Many peoplebelieve that people living in rural areas can care more about their familiesthan those living in cities. However, I don't think their point hold water. Wecannot draw such hasty conclusion that living in rural areas is more beneficialfor people to take good care of their family members.

For one thing, it is known to all that rapid expansion of cities and theskyrocketing prices of houses have forced a number of people to live in thesuburbs instead of living in cities. Unlike people who settle down in ruralareas, the highly developed public transportation provide people living incities an access to saving time on the way(traffic).In fact, it only takes them little time getting home(workand home), which gives them a longer time sharing joyswith their families. On the contray(contrary),take Lucy, a colleague of my mother (who lives in rural areas)asan example. It cost her nearly two hours driving to work everyday(everyday) because shecannot afford to buy(buying) an apartment in the city. It is herbusy work and too much time wasted on the road  thatmake(makes) herfeel(feeling) very sorry for not looking well(well looking) after her3-year-old daughter. So, it cannot be concluded that all people living in thecountry would(could)take better care of their families.

For another reason, family members of people who live in urban areas have (an) access to abetter material life. For example, they have more connections with hospitals ofhigher qualities and aboundant(abundant)supplieswhich satisfy their daily needs. Even though many people are exposed(exhausted) toheavy workload, there are lots of experienced baby-sitters for them to hire tolook after there(their) babies.A friend of mine once got an extremely serious pain in his leg but the doctorin a local hospital was restricted to operate ( on) him becauseof their old equipments. When(Then) his anxiousfather took him to a city hospital with good reputation, he accepted a carefultreatement(treatment) andrecovered very soon. From that we can see a better living standard in cities isanother key component leading to a happy family life.

As far as I'm(I) concerned,the best way to take care of our family membersis(are) to provide(providing) them frequent(adequate) companion and a high(highly) qualified living standard. I arguefor people who live in urban areas because they meet the both needs better thanthose who live in the country or suburbs.

铁板神猴

perfect！加油~ 小分队真是无所不在，哈哈！