【写作小分队】daiC for 7.22

gre呀gre

综合 TPO11 改正Both the reading passage and the lecturefocus on the issue of the declining public interest on literature. The readingsuggests that this problem will have detrimental impacts on many aspects.However, the professor rebuts the reading's assertion and states that thedeclining public interest on literature will have no effects.


To begin with, the reading asserts that thepublic will not be able to enjoy the cultural benefits if they read lessliterature. On the contrary, the professor rebuts by providing the fact thatthe public can enjoy the cultural influence that reading brings in other ways.For instance, many science journals and political reviews are of high quality.Undoubtedly, such materials can take the place of novels to cultivatecreativity and stimulate intellect.

In addition, the reading argues that thelevel of culture in our society will decline for the phenomenon that peoplespend most of their spare time for entertainment rather than for literature.But the professor claims that the fact that people change to have moreentertainment does not mean that they are less educated. The professor thenputs forward that some entertaining forms, such as brilliant songs and movies,can also cultivate and teach us. （这一段主要讲说文化的形式已经改变了，这个主题句要写出来哈~ And some of these forms speak more directly tocontemporary concerns than literature does. 这个点可加可不加，你自己看哈~）

Last but not least, the reading worriesthat the decline in literature reading will strike its future, because the lowstandard and poor taste of the public will contribute to less investment bypublishers on literature. However, the professor refutes the reading'sstatement by saying that the authors should be responsible for the decline,since they currently make literatures much more difficult to understand thanbefore. The readers have reason to choose books that express themselves moreclearly。

写的挺好的，听的也很全！不过字数稍稍有点多了，这一篇有278个字，超出要求了，就怕到时候写不完，或者因此扣分了，还是稍微精简一点哈~~~ 很棒了已经！！！

daisyの小夢想

4.17 TPO13 综合

Both the reading passage and the lecture discuss the outcome of commercial selling of fossils. The reading claims that both scientists and the general public will suffer if fossils are sold commercially. However, the professor gives evidence to prove that the benefits of selling fossils openly outweigh the disadvantages.

To begin with, the reading worries that if the fossils are owned by private collectors, the general public may not have opportunity to see them in museums and may lose interest on them. On the contrary, the professor argues that the public is able to observe more fossils, for the fact that larger market of fossils can bring greater exposure of fossils to the public, and that museums can buy more fossils and display them to the public.

In addition, the reading asserts that the rare fossils may not be available to scientists, limiting their chances to have significant discoveries about extinct life forms. But the professor rebuts the reading's assertion by putting forward that every fossils need to be examined and tested by scientists before they enter into the market. Thus, rare fossils will not pass through the hands of scientists.

Last but not least, the reading suggests that commercial fossil collectors are likely to pay less attention to discover and embody the scientific values of fossils. However, the professor refutes the reading's saying by claiming that if it were not for commercializing the fossils, many fossils will remain undiscovered. The professor argue additionally that although the collectors may not be able to reveal the important clues of extinct life forms from fossils, unearthing the fossils are undoubtedly better than completely not discovering them.

bechasing

4.15 独立

The most important characteristic for politics is to accept responsibility for mistake.

The activities of politics, which are one of the indispensible public issues, influence the heart beats of many fields in our society. Some people strongly opined that to accept responsibility for mistake is undoubtedly the most significant characteristic for politics. As far as I'm concerned, it's hard for me to have a definite attitude towards the most imporatnat characteristic for politics, since politics is a broad concept and has many other essential responsibilities.

To begin with, it's undisputed that politics should attach high importance to take up the responsibility for mistake. There are a lot of problems that distract the right track of society every day. If politics do not accept their responsibilities of such problems, no one except for the victims involved in these issues will be concerned about them and solve all the problems. Politics should try its best to act as the protective layer for the safety and development of a society. Thus, when problems and mistakes of the society aroused, politics should take actions.  For instance, in many fields, such as public infrastrures, social welfare, traffic operation and emergency, the governments should extablish an outstanding plan to defend itself from making detrimental public image.

However, politics should not just remedy the mistakes, but more importantly,  need to prevent problems from happening and protect the society.
Politics should not watch with folded arms on some issues when problems have already existed and wait until mistakes become difficult to bear and control.  The reason why so many citizens hold a negative attitude towards politics is that they just remedy mistakes but never try any precautions against problems. The 2008 Sichuan Earthquake in China is a heartbreaking lesson. If the Sichuan government was aware of the problems houses that had been constructed in low quality might bring, it could have conducted higher standards for houses which can make them more resistant to disasters, and consequently many victims who sufferred from the weakness of houses could have been alive. Thus, we should take note that the primary task for the polics is not taking up responsibility for mistake, but preventing social problems from happening.

To sum up, when social problems come to exitence, politics have responsibility to accept them and solve them. But politics should also take actions to lower govermental and public mistakes that may do harm to citizens.

-- by 会员 daisyの小夢想 (2012/4/16 23:02:03)

蓝色-词汇句子  红色-语言逻辑 Good
The activityiesof politics, which is are one of the indispensible public issues, influencesthe heart beats of many fields in our society. Some people strongly opined that to accept responsibility for mistake is undoubtedlythe most significant characteristic for politics. As far as I'm am(最好别缩写)concerned, it's ishard for me to have adefinite attitude towards the most important imporatnatcharacteristic for politics, since politics is a broad concept and has manyother essential responsibilities.

To begin with, it's isundisputed that politics should attach high importance to take up theresponsibility for mistake. There are a lot of problems that distract the righttrack of society every day. If politics do not accept their responsibilities ofsuch problems, no one except for the victims involved in these issues will beconcerned about them and solve all the problems. Politics should try their its best to act as the protective layer for thesafety and development of a society. Thus, when problems and mistakes of thesociety aroused, politics should take actions. For instance, in manyfields, such as public infrastructures infrastrures, social welfare, traffic operation and emergency, thegovernments should establish extablishan outstanding plan to defend itself from making detrimental public image.

However, politics should not just remedy themistakes, but more importantly, need to prevent problems from happeningand protect the society.

Politics should not watch(/standby) with folded arms on some issues when problems have alreadyexisted and wait until mistakes become difficult to bear and control.  Thereason why so many citizens hold a negative attitude towards politics is thatthey just remedy mistakes but never try any precautions against problems. The 2008 SichuanEarthquake in China is a heartbreaking lesson. If the Sichuan government wasaware of the problems (houses that had been constructed in low quality) that poor-quality houses might bring, it could have constructed conducted (conduct为实施引导之意，亲你是要表达建造的意思吧) higher-quality standards for houses which can makethem more resistant to disasters, and consequently many victims who sufferred hurt/harm from the weakness of houses(逻辑上应该是遭受house weakness带来的伤害)could have been alive. Thus, we should take note that the primary task for thepolics is not taking up responsibility for mistake, but preventing socialproblems from happening.

To sum up, when social problems come to existence exitence, politics have responsibilityto accept them and solve them. But politics should also take actions to reduce even prevent lower govermental and public mistakesthat may do harm to citizens.
Suggestions:
1/有很多小词用的很好，值得学习啦，有一点就是不要缩写啊
2/句子读起来流畅性较佳，但需要克服一些中式英语的表达，像质量差、防范错误等
3/关于politics，daisy在作文里一直使用了politics而不是politician，这个好像不是很恰当啊。Politics的具体含义是“政治事务”，Politics （见维基）(from Greek politikos "of, for, or relating to citizens") asa term is generally applied to the art or science of running governmental orstate affairs, including behavior within civil governments, but also applies to institutions, fields, andspecial interest groups such as the corporate, academic, and religious segments of society. It consists of "socialrelations involving authority or power" and to the methods and tactics used toformulate and apply policy。 我没有对作文中的politics做修改。

daisyの小夢想

4.22 3天没写沉底了><


The main role of the university professor is to educate students rather than to do research.

As more and more professors pay more attention to do research rather than to educate students, some people begin to hold skeptical attitude towards the educational quality of the professors on classes. However, as far as I'm concerned, I would like to put forward that if the main mission of universtiy(university) proffessors(professors) is to provide stimulating and professional education, doing reaserch(research) is a better way to achieve this goal.

To begin with, it's undisputed that professors should do their utmost to educate students with their knowledges and capacities. The time in unversity(university) is the most precious time for students to absorb as much knowledge as they can, so professors have responsibility to help students to expand their views and broaden their horizons. It's not saying that professors are the ones who need to take up complete responsibility, but they should not take for granted that students should grasp knowledge merely by themselves. Professor should act as an instuctor(instructor), guiding students to the right track when they have encountered any problems in the process of learning. Thus, professors should devote themselves to educating students well.

However, professors should highlight the importance of doing research the most. For one thing, doing research enables professors to be familiar with the cutting-edge development of the fields they study. It's doing research that helps professor enrich their understanding of particular knowledges and ensure the high quality of their lectures. Take the professor that I respect the most as an example, Professor Zhang persists in doing research and non-profit programs that benefits farmers in the villages of Yunnan Province. He often brings the events and his understanding and feelings about such events to the classes, which are inspiring to us. His sharing of the research helps us to get to know the social issues and problems happening in the real world. I think it's essential for us sociology majors to understand the social trends and concerns, so I appreaciate(appreciate) Professor Zhang's devotion to research. For another thing, professors can provide students with opportunities to be engaged in research. Doing research plays an significant roles on chanllenging(challenging) students and cultivating their abilities, such as team-work spirits, leadership and researching skills. Participating in research is a better way to stimulate students' enthusiasm and creativity than just sitting in the classroom and listening to professors without much personal thinking.

In conclusion, professors' doing research kills two birds with one stone, providing students with better knowledge and enhancing their abilities.

daisyの小夢想

4.23 独立


Nowadays, parents are paying much more attention to their education on children. When it comes to parental education, a question has been raised on whether parents should let their children to make mistakes and then learn a lesson from the mistakes. Some parents hold that making mistakes is not beneficial to children's health and development, since some mistakes can cause harmful outcome. Others insists that only if children make mistakes can they aware the mistakes and never retake is next time. In my opinion, this question does not have a fixed answer, and it depends on various situation(s).

On one hand, some mistakes can teach children a valuable lesson. Through making mistakes, children can not only be aware of the things that their parents have told them, but also learn from the mistakes. Since children are easy to forget what their parents have taught them, making mistakes can make them realize that what their parents told them before is indeed reasonable and needed to be reminded. For instance, in my childhood, my mom always told me that I should be nice to others. But I was just not aware of such things and fight on other kids when they annoyed me. Such a big mistake had I made that my teacher punished me and did not let me to come into class unless I apologized to the classmates. Through such mistakes, I finally realized that I should be kind to others, otherwise others would not like me and make friends with me. Also, after their children have made mistakes, the parents should analyze the mistakes seriously with the kids and let the kids have reflection on the problems. Only through deep reflection can the kids have a unforgetable(an unforgettable) lesson from mistakes.

On the other hand, other mistakes may not be able to make children grow but even cause harmful outcomes. Parents should not indulge their children, let them do whatever they want, and make many mistakes as possible. Some mistakes should be prohibitted prohibited. For one thing, kids should not be permitted to make the mistakes that do harm to the society, such as stealing things and trying drugs. For another thing, kids should be well protected from the mistakes that may damage their health and safety. For example, parents should guide their little kids along the stairs. If they do not watch their kids, the kids may have the danger of hurting themselves. Parents ought to understand that not every mistakes can teach children some good lessons.

In conclusion, children can learn from mistakes and grow faster through some mistakes, but not all mistakes can have such beneficial impacts. Parents should permit children to make mistakes and learn from mistakes only under the circumstance that the mistakes will not threaten their safety or do harm to society.

acrophobiahy

【新手请教】：你好，请问楼主的写作使用什么材料呢？是TPO上的，还是TWE的185篇？

daisyの小夢想

【新手请教】：你好，请问楼主的写作使用什么材料呢？是TPO上的，还是TWE的185篇？

-- by 会员 acrophobiahy (2012/4/24 12:07:06)

hi，我们是写作小分队的，独立作文的题目一般都是最新的机经，综合用的是TPO。

探险者

4.23

红色为修改建议，黄色为精彩

Nowadays, parents are paying much more attention to their education on children. When it comes to parental education, a question has been raised on whether parents should let their children to（let sb. Do sth.,删去这个to） make mistakes and then learn a lesson from the mistakes. Some parents hold that making mistakes is not beneficial to children's health and development, since some mistakes can cause harmful outcome. Others insists that only if children make mistakes can they aware the mistakes and never retake is（them） next time. In my opinion, this question does not have a fixed answer, and it depends on various situation(s).

On （the）one hand, some mistakes can teach children a valuable lesson. Through making mistakes, children can not only be aware of the things that their parents have told them, but also learn from the mistakes. Since children are easy to forget what their parents have taught them, making mistakes can make（用help更好） them realize that what their parents told them before is indeed reasonable and needed to be reminded（觉得这点说learn by heart，更能体现出父母的教育对孩子的重要性）. For instance, in my childhood, my mom always told me that I should be nice to others. But I was just not aware of（用过好多次了，可以说focus attention on such thing，表示对此关注） such things and fight on（这点用with更好吧，因为fight on表示继续战斗，战斗下去） other kids when they annoyed me. Such a big mistake had I made（这点不太理解，可以改成如下： Unfortunately, because of such a big mistake, my teacher didn’t allow me coming into class until I apologized to my classmates.） that my teacher punished me and did not let me to come into class unless I apologized to the （my） classmates. Through such mistakes, I finally realized that I should be kind to others, otherwise others would not like me and make friends with me. Also, after their children have made mistakes, the parents should analyze the mistakes seriously with the kids and let the kids have reflection on(反思，好词) the problems. Only through deep reflection can the kids have a unforgetable(an unforgettable) lesson from mistakes.（前面用过一次倒装句了，觉得不要用的太多。可以改用强调句： Clearly, it is the deep reflection that gives their kids an unforgettable less from mistakes.）

On the other hand, other mistakes may not be able to make（make在想不到合适的动词时是很好的替换，但用的多了就不好了，这里可以说promote their children’s growth） children grow but even cause(用lead to是不是更好) harmful outcomes. Parents should not indulge their children, let them do whatever they want, and make (as) many mistakes as possible. Some mistakes should be prohibited. For one thing, kids should not be permitted to make the mistakes that do harm to(可以换成have negative impact on the society) the society, such as stealing things and trying drugs. For another thing(For one thing, for another 后面的thing可以省略), kids should be well protected from the mistakes that may damage their health and safety. For example, parents should guide their little kids along the stairs. If they do not watch their kids, the kids may have（用face或者suffer from怎么样） the danger of hurting themselves. Parents ought to understand that not every mistakes（mistake） can teach children some（这个some多余，可以省去） good lessons.

In conclusion, children can learn from mistakes and grow faster through some mistakes, but not all mistakes can have such beneficial impacts. Parents should permit children to make mistakes and learn from mistakes only under the circumstance that the mistakes will not threaten their safety or do harm to society.

总的来说，楼主的作文思路很清晰，包括全文的论述和每个观点的展开，都有着很好的逻辑层次。但是，楼主的文章中在用词、句子的多样化方面不足，当然也有很好的用词，在文中已经标出。部分可以替换的用法在文中用红色标了出来，建议增加词汇的多样，比如learn from mistakes，这个learn from可以换成acquire， enhance oneself， consolidate oneself等等，而mistakes则可以换为wrongdoing等等。还有就是连接词，不是所有的转折都是but，尝试一下however，nonetheless甚至是表示对比的in contrast都是很好的。在句子方面，倒装句用的很棒，但也可以用些其他方式，比如少量的状语前置（Clearly，。。。）、强调句、定语从句等等。

总之，保持好思路的清晰，给文章适当增色，就会更精彩。

stefaniewyh

不好意思给你改作文晚了，专业课的事情比较多，前两天都没时间看英语。。。
你写的很好，继续努力

stefaniewyh

4月22日 小雪改daisy独立
The main role of the university professor is to educate students rather than to do research.


As more and more professors pay more attention to do research rather than to educate students, some people begin to hold skeptical attitude towards the educational quality of the professors on classes. However, as far as I'm concerned, I would like to put forward that if the main mission of universtiy(university) proffessors(professors) is to provide stimulating and professional education, doing reaserch(research) is a better way to achieve this goal.(最后这句提出观点的说法很好！)

To begin with, it's undisputed that professors should do their utmost to educate students with their knowledges（knowledge一般不可数） and capacities. The time in unversity(university) is the most precious time for students to absorb as much knowledge as they can, so professors have responsibility to help students to expand their views and broaden their horizons（很喜欢这种结构相同的句子~）. It's not saying that professors are the ones who need to take up complete responsibility, but they should not take for granted that students should grasp knowledge merely by themselves. Professor should act as an instuctor(instructor), guiding students to the right track when they have encountered any problems in the process of learning. Thus, professors should devote themselves to educating students well.



个人习惯是在同意一方观点的是后对于另一方观点进行让步论证，用太大篇幅说education的话可能跟你的观点联系不紧密，不过托福考试应该不会在乎你的观点而在乎你的论证方式吧。

However, professors should highlight the importance of doing research the most. For one thing, doing research enables professors to be familiar with the cutting-edge development of the fields they study. It's doing research that helps professor enrich their understanding of particular knowledges and ensure the high quality of their lectures. Take the professor that I respect the most as an example, Professor Zhang persists in doing research and non-profit programs that benefits farmers in the villages of Yunnan Province. He often brings the events and his understanding (understandings) and feelings about such events to the classes, which are inspiring to us. His sharing of the research helps us to get to know the social issues and problems happening in the real world. I think it's essential for us sociology majors to understand the social trends and concerns, so I appreaciate(appreciate) Professor Zhang's devotion to research. For another thing, professors can provide students with opportunities to be engaged in research. Doing research plays an significant roles (role) on chanllenging(challenging) students and cultivating their abilities, such as team-work spirits, leadership and researching skills. Participating in research is a better way to stimulate students' enthusiasm and creativity than just sitting in the classroom and listening to professors without much personal thinking. (最后两句话主语换换吧，都是动名词做主语，读下来的时候感觉有点平淡。)



文章结构很清晰，论证也很全面，句子写的很好！！很值得学习啊！！！很多平时经常见到的词都能很地道的用在作文中。

文章中错的比较多的是单复数的问题，下次写的时候注意点吧~