二月备考，请大家帮修改作文，多谢了--TWE143

kittywolf

143. Some people believe that students should be given one long vacation each year. Others believe that students should have several short vacations throughout the year. Which viewpoint do you agree with? Use specific reasons and examples to support your choice.

Some people hold the opinion that students should have several short vacations is superior to give one long vacation each year. Others, however, contradict students should have several short vacations throughout the year. Personally, I would prefer the short vacations because I think it has more advantages.

The main reason is that short vacations give our great relaxation after busy final exams. For example, students can do other things besides classes. We can go to visit friends, to watch some sports contests, to be with family, and so on. So students can enjoy any thing they wanted in a short period time, and also they can easily go back to school with their good mode, which the long vacation may let students hardly concentrate on the class.

Another reason why I advocate the attitude of the several short vacations is that it can let us schedule vacations much easier. Take the case of a thing that students can plan to travel some places, such as in different season we can go diverse views. In spring, we go climb mountains. We go to beach in summer. And in winter, skiing is also good for relaxing.

One very strong argument for the short vacation is that it can be seemed as every start of our new goals. In fact, I love to mark every period as my life’s stage. No matter how end of the last stage, I would like to give a great welcome to the next stage. I encourage myself at the beginning of every period. So several short vacations are really important to me which I can plan my future and also I can watch my every step carefully.

In conclusion, the point I am trying to make is that students should have several short vacations throughout the year. Not only relax their bodies, and also encourage their souls.  

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please paste the TWE IN TWE ZONE.

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以下是引用kittywolf在2005-2-10 23:20:00的发言：

143. Some people believe that students should be given one long vacation each year. Others believe that students should have several short vacations throughout the year. Which viewpoint do you agree with? Use specific reasons and examples to support your choice.

Some people hold the opinion that students should have several short vacations is superior to give one long vacation each year.[I think this sentence is not correct] Others, however, contradict [this usage is not correct] students should have several short vacations throughout the year. Personally, I would prefer [you can just say"I prefer". The word "would " is not necessary] the short vacations because I think it has more advantages.

The main reason is that short vacations give our [us?]great relaxation after busy final exams. For example, students can do other things besides classes. We can go to visit friends, to watch some sports contests, to be with family, and so on. So students can enjoy any thing they wanted in a short period time, and also they can easily go back to school with their good mode, which the long vacation may let students hardly concentrate on the class.

[you change from "we " and "students" very often. Personally I do not recommend to use "we " in TWE articles. Because the opinion expressed by "we" is not objective.]

Another reason why I advocate the attitude of the several short vacations [it is very awkard here] is that it can let us schedule vacations much easier. Take the case of a thing that students can plan to travel some places, such as in different season we can go diverse views. In spring, we go climb mountains. We go to beach in summer. And in winter, skiing is also good for relaxing.

[Your wording is not like ENGLISH sometimes. And you use too many GO, MAKE, this kind of general word. Have a look at the TWE MANNUAL and memorize some different words of the same meaning. ]

One very strong argument for the short vacation is that it can be seemed as every start of our new goals. In fact, I love to mark every period as my life’s stage. No matter how end of the last stage, I would like to give a great welcome to the next stage. I encourage myself at the beginning of every period. So several short vacations are really important to me which I can plan my future and also I can watch my every step carefully.

In conclusion, the point I am trying to make is that students should have several short vacations throughout the year. Not only relax their bodies, and also encourage their souls.  

Generally speaking, I think you need to practice a lot more if you want a 5 score.

Good luck

[此贴子已经被作者于2005-2-11 0:16:54编辑过]

kittywolf

o thanks la.  i know my words... ... kind of a disaster

learning

kittywolf

secend draft

Some people hold the opinion that having several short vacations is superior to give one long vacation each year. Others, however, fight against that students should have several short vacations throughout the year. Personally, I prefer the short vacations because I think it has more advantages.

The main reason is that short vacations give students great relaxation after busy final exams. For example, students can do other things besides classes. They can go to visit friends, to watch some sports contests, to be with family, and so on. So students can enjoy any thing they wanted in a short period time, and also they can easily go back to school with their good mode, which the long vacation may let students hardly concentrate on the class.

Another reason why I advocate that students should have several short vacations is that it can let them schedule vacations much easier. Take the case of a thing that students can plan to travel some places, such as in different season we can appreciate diverse views. For instance, in spring, they may go climb mountains or go to beach in summer, and in winter, skiing is also good for relaxing.

One very strong argument for the short vacation is that it can be seemed as every start of our new goals. In fact, I love to mark every period as my life’s stage. No matter how end of the last stage, I would like to give a great welcome to the next stage. I encourage myself at the beginning of every period. So several short vacations are really important to me which I can plan my future and also I can watch my every step carefully.

In conclusion, the point I am trying to make is that students should have several short vacations throughout the year. Not only relax their bodies, and also encourage their souls.  

thanks again

kittywolf

second draft

Some people hold the opinion that having several short vacations is superior to give one long vacation each year. Others, however, fight against that students should have several short vacations throughout the year. Personally, I prefer the short vacations because I think it has more advantages.

The main reason is that short vacations give students great relaxation after busy final exams. For example, students can do other things besides classes. They can go to visit friends, to watch some sports contests, to be with family, and so on. So students can enjoy any thing they wanted in a short period time, and also they can easily go back to school with their good mode, which the long vacation may let students hardly concentrate on the class.

Another reason why I advocate that students should have several short vacations is that it can let them schedule vacations much easier. Take the case of a thing that students can plan to travel some places, such as in different season we can appreciate diverse views. For instance, in spring, they may go climb mountains or go to beach in summer, and in winter, skiing is also good for relaxing.

One very strong argument for the short vacation is that it can be seemed as every start of our new goals. In fact, I love to mark every period as my life’s stage. No matter how end of the last stage, I would like to give a great welcome to the next stage. I encourage myself at the beginning of every period. So several short vacations are really important to me which I can plan my future and also I can watch my every step carefully.

In conclusion, the point I am trying to make is that students should have several short vacations throughout the year. Not only relax their bodies, and also encourage their souls.  

thx again