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[作文] GRE作文求批改~

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发表于 2014-7-29 21:36:44 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
As people rely more and more ontechnology to solve problems, the ability of humans to think for themselveswill surely deteriorate.
Write a response in which youdiscuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement andexplain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supportingyour position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or mightnot hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.
It’s reasonable to say that the enhancement of technology inour life has already affected our ability to think, to create, or to imagine sincewe can see students will feel awkward when calculate by themselves withoutcalculators. My math teacher once let us do the exam without the help of calculator,as you can imagine, we students got quite upset and we were worried if we wouldmake mistakes. It also took us a bit longer to get the right answer to everyquestion. It’s true that we can say now people just rely too much on machines.
People can be awkward without the help of technology becausewe are already used to live with electronic devices. For example we use Iphoneto call; we use Kindle to read; we use Internet to collect information. Foryears and years, we depend on these machines to continue our daily life and wenever think about why we have to live with them, but we do know we will feel atloss if one day we don’t have the access to these marvelous creations and livelike in the old times as our grandparents did.
Also, because we count on technology too much, we aregetting numb and we are like machines. People take it for granted thattechnology will always help us without thinking about what will happen ifmachine dominates human beings. When watching the movie <the moderntimes>, the audience will definitely laugh out because they see the workersin the film getting so stupid like being controlled by the machines after theykeep working for a long period. Also in the movie <walle>, people get sofat that they cannot even move by themselves and they simply are carried bytransportations. It’s a pity that people are becoming lazier and they don’teven bother trying to think by themselves.
However, even I admit all the fact discussed above, I stillcannot use the word “surely” in the conclusion that made by the author. Theremust be some exceptions which can be pointed out that scientists are not justdepending on technology, but also utilize them, base on them to make our lifebetter.
First, what we have to admit is that all the devices aremade by we human beings and we never stop exploring for more possibilities toimprove our lives. Just like in the film <Iron Man>, we can see that theimprovement of technology can help us to do some tedious and basic tasks, likecalculating or typing. So we can use our brain to focus on other tougher works,which will save our time. Another example is about Hawking who is one of the mostfamous scientists in the world. We all know that his thought is so deep thatit’s beyond his physical handicap. It’s been said that his eye and one of hisfinger are the only two things that can move on his body. But he used hisfinger to finish the masterpiece <The brief history of time>. How? Theanswer is by using the technology. Technology not only doesn’t limit Hawking’sthoughts, but also facilitates his way to make his ideas be understood by theworld.
Furthermore, the improvements of technology allow us to dosome tasks we never imagine before. These days in Shanghai, surgeons arestarting to use 3D glasses when they operate on patients. By using thistechnology, they can see more clearly about the tissues inside the body and thechances that they make mistakes can be reduced. We can see people are stillmaking efforts on creating new things to make our life better.
The debate about whether technology is more beneficial ormore harmful to human beings never stops. I think we should balance betweenusing technology and using our brain. Technology is treasure to us definitelybut we surely mustn’t let technology be beyond our control since some troublesresult from it like pollution, global warming already exists. Technology cannotfix everything for us and in the end we always should count on our deepthoughts to solve problems.

发表于 2014-7-31 11:50:32 | 显示全部楼层
比较保守,正反均衡,这样不会拿高分 。
 楼主| 发表于 2014-7-31 12:22:46 | 显示全部楼层
普渡哥 发表于 2014-7-31 11:50
比较保守,正反均衡,这样不会拿高分 。

老师~所以说写的时候要侧重一个方面最后只要提到另一面,这样比较好嘛?
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