Manhattan 85页一个句子的问题

lydiaxuxin

Both shocking and enteraining audiences across the nation, George Carlin, who also struggled publicly with drug abuse, influenced and inspired a generation of comedians.

书上说这句话stylisticaly awkward，改成了：
Both shocking and enteraining audiences across the nation，George Carlin influenced and inspired a generation of comedians， even as he struggled publicly with drug abuse.
为什么后一句就比前一句好？求高手解答~

DUKB24

“inspired” creates a contrast with “drug abuse”