T_T急：拜托大家能帮偶看看toefl作文！！（打分，建议）1/21准备机考！！！目标是5分！

Sunday

能不能请大家帮忙看一下，我的作文可以拿几分呢？能否提一些建议呢？如果愿意修改就感之不尽了～～～～～～～···拜托大家走过路过都能留下一点建议～～～～～～～～～谢谢！！！

Some people pay money for the things they want or need.  Other people trade products or goods for what they need.  Compare the advantages of these two ways of obtaining things.  Which way do you prefer?  Explain why.

Before money came into use, people traded goods with each other for what they needed. We know it from our economics book, which also tells us that money appears functioning as a medium of exchange, a unit of measure and storage of value. According to those three main functions of money, I prefer to pay money for what I want.

  The most outstanding feature of money accounts for its status as a medium of exchange. Nowadays, it is daily routine to us that we buy things in stores or eat in restaurants paying by money. Sometimes we hardly can remember that people ages ago got what they need by trading products or goods. I believe it is the convenience of money that keeps us away from the memory of the old way of exchange.

  To some people who find doing maths is a headache, they probably will thank the advantage of money as a unit of measure. For example, we used to do maths every time before trading, like 3 apples for 1pear or 5 lambs for 2 cows. What if we want to purchase a house? How many cows do we need to afford a house? Just forget all about the complicated maths problems and what we need is merely a standard of measure. Using money, we simply know that apples cost $1.99/lb, pears cost $4.99/lb and etc.

  As storage of value, money brings up the conception of savings for us. We rarely could keep cows as "savings" for several decades; however, we enjoy the interest from the savings in bank or the appreciated exchange rate in market, whether in short or long term.

  Nevertheless, we still may keep worrying about thieves or other crimes related to money. Compared to the advantages that money brings to us, those problems are forgivable. We still do appreciate convenience and profits by using money.

[此贴子已经被作者于2005-1-17 1:34:54编辑过]

brace

Before money came into use, people traded goods with each other for what they needed. We know it from our economics book, which also tells us that money appears functioning as a medium of exchange, a unit of measure and storage of value. According to those three main functions of money, I prefer to pay money for what I want.

  The most outstanding feature of money accounts for its status as a medium of exchange. Nowadays, it is daily routine to us that we buy things in stores or eat in restaurants paying by money. Sometimes we hardly can remember that people ages ago got what they need by trading products or goods. I believe it is the convenience of money that keeps us away from the memory of the old way of exchange.

  To some people who find doing maths is a headache, they probably will thank the advantage of money as a unit of measure. For example, we used to do maths every time before trading, like 3 apples for 1pear or 5 lambs for 2 cows. What if we want to purchase a house? How many cows do we need to afford a house? Just forget all about the complicated maths problems and what we need is merely a standard of measure. Using money, we simply know that apples cost $1.99/lb, pears cost $4.99/lb and etc.

  As storage of value, money brings up the conception of savings for us. We rarely could keep cows as "savings" for several decades; however, we enjoy the interest from the savings in bank or the appreciated exchange rate in market, whether in short or long term.

  Nevertheless, we still may keep worrying about thieves or other crimes related to money. Compared to the advantages that money brings to us, those problems are forgivable. We still do appreciate convenience and profits by using money.

卡时间写的么？

Sunday

对的～半小时～

Sunday

请指教～～～～～～～

iceboy

Before money came into use, people traded goods with each other for what they needed. We know it from our economics book, which also tells us that money appears functioning as a medium of exchange, a unit of measure and storage of value. According to those three main functions of money, I prefer to pay money for what I want.

  The most outstanding feature of money accounts for its status as a medium of exchange. Nowadays, it is daily routine to us that we buy things in stores or eat in restaurants paying by money. Sometimes we hardly can remember that people ages ago got what they need by trading products or goods. I believe it is the convenience of money that keeps us away from the memory of the old way of exchange.

  To some people who find doing maths is a headache, they probably will thank the advantage of money as a unit of measure. For example, we used to do maths every time before trading, like 3 apples for 1pear or 5 lambs for 2 cows. What if we want to purchase a house? How many cows do we need to afford a house? Just forget all about the complicated maths problems and what we need is merely a standard of measure. Using money, we simply know that apples cost $1.99/lb, pears cost $4.99/lb and etc.

  As storage of value, money brings up the conception of savings for us. We rarely could keep cows as "savings" for several decades; however, we enjoy the interest from the savings in bank or the appreciated exchange rate in market, whether in short or long term.

  Nevertheless, we still may keep worrying about thieves or other crimes related to money. Compared to the advantages that money brings to us, those problems are forgivable. We still do appreciate convenience and profits by using money.

理由不是特别充分， 能不能再展开点？

最后那段怎么来了个转折？不明白什么意思

Sunday

谢谢~~ 那么我应该怎么做到理由充分啊？你的意思是举例子？？？

最后一段。。。我来不及了。。。就酱紫草草结束了。。。唉。。。

偶酱紫能拿几分呢？

[此贴子已经被作者于2005-1-17 8:55:51编辑过]

brace

5楼师兄说的清楚。个人觉得，分数不敢说。。。。。。等高手来说。 还有5天， 每天写1－2篇， 写完修改， 再修改， 弄一个自己的套路出来。

Sunday

很难打分吗？？表吓偶哦。。。我其实考过２次ｔｏｅｆｌ了，每次都是作文不合格，都是４分。。。很气人的。。。所以我想知道自己有没有进步。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。

iceboy

没错， 这个作文也难过4.5分：（说实话就是容易挨扁。。。。。

Sunday

没关系～　但是我看不出自己的问题，真的～　就是理由不充分吗？还有别的缺点吗？？