1228就要战，现在才写出第一篇完整作文来，求狠批！

兔子走路

Title:

All school teachers should be required to take courses every five years to update their knowledge.(From 1201 TOEFL)


To agree or disagree with the title statement that all school teachers should be required to take courses every five years to update their knowledge is actually a matter of balancing its pros and cons. However, if you consider the following reasons I'll elaborate, you may disagree with the title statement as I do.


What is the most important function as a teacher? No one can doubt that it is teaching. And most of the teachers are so busy in teaching, they cannot leave their students to take knowledge updating course for even one day. Take this example into your mind, in China, the grade three year of high school can be the most essential and critical year for a student in his or her education background. Every single day for them is urgent. So at this moment, how can you imgine that one of their main subject teachers, like English teacher or Physical teacher is going to leave them to take a course. This is crucial for both of them.


What is more, I'm not denying that the current knowledge is changing so rapid. However, I tend to believe that this situation only happen in the Hi-Tech edge field, which means the very basic knowledge primary school and milldle school teachers are teaching stays the same as before. For instance, the Law of Force found by Newton is still correct, and it seems that it will maintain correct in the next 50 or 500 years. So You just don't have to let the teachers attend such knowledge updating course every five years compulsively.


Admittedly, updating knowledge is very helpful and useful for both teachers and students. And I believe there must be a better way to accomplish such requirement than the title statement required.


In sum, from the reasons I mentioned above, you can comprehend that teachers are busy, they have no time to attend such knowledge updating course. And it appears that they may not have to attend it. So I disagree with the title statement.

啦啦噜啦啦

求共同进步~同一天考试 下午帮你改

兔子走路

啦啦噜啦啦 发表于 2013-12-10 10:22
求共同进步~同一天考试 下午帮你改

先谢过！

啦啦噜啦啦

帮你看了下，忘记说了一点儿，你貌似是卡着时间做的，第四段就写了一点点是吧？

兔子走路

啦啦噜啦啦 发表于 2013-12-10 19:22
帮你看了下，忘记说了一点儿，你貌似是卡着时间做的，第四段就写了一点点是吧？ ...

太感谢！
确实是卡着时间写的，没多少时间了，得赶紧找点考试感觉。
然后第二人称这点受教了，确实看185里面不会这样写。
我数了下字数，320个这样，刚刚达到要求，确实应该加一点。
看你的点评，我的结构似乎有问题？我这次写的是2+1的形式，就是两点不同意加一点同意，不知道是不是写成一边倒的形式，就是三点不同意或者同意这样的形式好？
再次非常感谢！

啦啦噜啦啦

兔子走路 发表于 2013-12-10 21:41
太感谢！
确实是卡着时间写的，没多少时间了，得赶紧找点考试感觉。
然后第二人称这点受教了，确实看185 ...

不是啦~我说的不是你的2+1的结构的问题，我们学校的外教教我们像国外这种essay的写法就是我在word里写的那种，我感觉你的整体思路是没有问题的。虽然第一点弱了一点点。

兔子走路

啦啦噜啦啦 发表于 2013-12-10 23:34
不是啦~我说的不是你的2+1的结构的问题，我们学校的外教教我们像国外这种essay的写法就是我在word里写的 ...

恩恩，要加强~

兔子走路

啦啦噜啦啦 发表于 2013-12-10 19:22
帮你看了下，忘记说了一点儿，你貌似是卡着时间做的，第四段就写了一点点是吧？ ...

我终于反应过来我想写的“残酷”一词是cruel不是crucial。。。 难怪你看不懂。。。

啦啦噜啦啦

兔子走路 发表于 2013-12-12 10:08
我终于反应过来我想写的“残酷”一词是cruel不是crucial。。。 难怪你看不懂。。。 ...

你快写呀~写完帮你改！等下我拿我的那两篇给我们外教看看，希望有些收获！