First, students are becoming increasingly
rebellious to teachers（应删除to teacher。因为rebellious这个形容词不是这么用的，就像我们不会说“we are beautiful to”样）. From rural to metropolitan areas, it is not uncommon to find
rebellious adolescents in our communities to teachers（主干的有问题。删除修饰的的词，后半部分的主干为adolescents to teachers）. They hate to be restricted by teachers. More worse is that their behaviors
have (此处应用are) tending to affect other good-behavior students
change （缺少句子成分。应该为to change to, 或者changing to）to the bad side, because some teenagers
recognize(建议在此处用maintain/believe之类表达主观“认为”之含义的词。因为recognize一般接客观现实，而此处“humiliating teachers is cool”完全是主观臆断。) the action of challenging and humiliating teachers is cool. Thus, students are becoming less respect to teachers.
Second, teachers, nowadays,exhibit some disrespectful actions（exhibit action的搭配很怪啊。英语专业的室友也找了找，说没有这个搭配。要不用make actions吧？虽然没文采，但应该至少不会错。） weakening students' admiring（admiring是动词的ing形式或形容词，此处应当用名词admiration。） for them. In the past, the educational-related jobs, especially the teacher, are recognized as a high status which bear the huge mission of cultivating the offspring. Individuals considered（此处的时态为过去完成时，用had considered） teachers as a model from （改from为for）people to learn behavior principles. Thus, in the old time teachers are extremely strict about their behavior and havehigh moral standards（此处想表达老师践行高道德标准吗？如果是，用have standard没有践行的意思啊。建议改为“behave with high moral standards”）. However, currently, more than thirty percent of teacher group is consisted of young teachers. A limited part of them have realized the standards such as honest,(词性，应为honesty) patience and toleration. What most disappointing individuals is（表述怪怪的。disappointing在这里只能理解为形容词，因为disappoint sb.是不会加is的。此处就像说“What most happy people is”。建议把整句改为：Frequently exposed news about teachers who abuse students disappoint young people most. ） the frequently exposed news about teachers who abuse primary students. There are times that their inappropriate behaviors ignite upsetting（用词不当） or even contempt（ignite contempt 的搭配。“点燃轻蔑”？窃以为“点燃轻蔑之火”比较合理。搭配不当会让读者觉得怪怪，比如国文中出现“一只房子”的搭配就怪怪的。） among students and general public, which give rise to the disrespectful situation in society. In hence, I believe that in order to rise the respect to teachers among whole societies, the teachers, first, should pay more attention to their behavior to win common folks’ respect.
（段落小问题：这段的重心在论证“教师的恶劣行为致使年轻人不再那么尊重教师了”，因此我觉得这段的尾句画蛇添足了。因为本段一点都不需要去论证“改变教师地位的有效方式是”。这是一篇议论文，不是散文，不应随意更换论证重心。）
Last but not least, never can we ignore the influence of parents. It is universally acknowledged that present parents are always preoccupied by tight schedule and thus have less time to accompany children and teach them good manners. This is the reason why some kids are not only disrespecting teacher but also others they get along with. Without the parenting education, they barely know how to respect people. One of my neighbors named John who （此处应当删除who）has been seeing his parents once a year from his young age. As teenager, he always rebel teachers in school and disrespect his grand parents in home（固定搭配：at home）. What a pity it is to see similar situations happened in the case of many other kids. Parents, to some extent, contribute to the increasingly prevalent situation of disrespecting teachers.
To sum up, I strong propose the society as whole to attach importance to this problem and improve it, because respecting teachers is a blessing for the promotion of harmonious society.（最后这段说是sum up，但是没有回归任何前提、论据、结论，而去展望未来。）
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发表于 2013-10-15 22:26:29
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