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iammuse

薄荷妹纸 发表于 2013-8-31 19:55
831 独立 Do you agree or disagree? It is better to work with your own computer and telephone at your ...

831 独立 Do you agree or disagree? It is better to work with your own computer and telephone at your home than work in your company's office.

With the development of science and technology, it is worldly acknowledged that an increasing number of individuals work at their homes, rather than work at company’s 这里需要复数offices, in recent days感觉用recently更直接点. But the issue that whether it is better to work at own homes than work at offices 应该加一个to，不对称 is, indeed, controversial. The viewpoints vary from person to person. However, in my opinion, I think work at home is much better for several reasons.

Admittedly, working at office is a better choice for individuals who do not have self control for the reason that 直接用because会更好office definitely can provide a much denser working atmosphere for its staff. This atmosphere helps to improve the work efficiencies of staff.

However, working at home has its incomparable advantages. First, it can save a lot of time of the individuals who spend valuable time on the way to workplace. For example, there are two people do the same work, but one could work at his own home and another have to work at the company’s office. Comparing with the individual who have to work at their office, we can see that the person who work at home do not need to get up early to the company and also do not need to get home extremely late after finish his work. At least two hours would be saved if it takes about one hour for the person to go to work at company’s office. Individuals have the chance to use the saved time to do numerous meaningful things instead of setting on the bus or the private car. If individual uses the time to sleep ensure, at the large extent, the rest time of staff which can improve the efficiency. So working at home is much more convenient and time-saving for individuals. 这一节和上面是一个对比，各自说优点是OK的。可是这一节太罗索了。大概可以减掉一半的字来讲清楚这个问题。

Moreover, working at home does better to our environment. It is worldly known that pollution, especially the exhaust gas of cars, has been one of the most severe questions for human being. Working at home do not need people to use any of transportation to go to the company, they definitely can work at home and finish the work as well. It can easily imagine that if people do not need to go to office, there will be much less vehicles 拼写错误 vehicles running on the road. The less the vehicles, the less the waste gas they emit. The less the waste gas they emit, the better the environment of the Earth. So it is better for our environment to work at home than work at office of company.

In sum, form what have been discussed above, working at home has much more incomparable advantages that working at office do not have. So working at home is definitely much better.
不是很赞同你的论证过程。在开头的一节并没有讲清楚倒底是哪种方式更好。会让人以为你是要说两种方式各有千秋。然后 第二节和第三节也确实是说各有千秋了。但第四节很confusing，又回去说work at home的优点。最后转到说还是work at home比较好。层次不清楚，建议第一节就表达清楚自己的观点。倒底哪种好，还是两种都好。然后 一步步的论证。最后总结。另外，在长句的应用上有点过多，建议不要用太多长句，会有chiglish的感觉

薄荷妹纸

iammuse 发表于 2013-9-1 20:50
831 独立 Do you agree or disagree? It is better to work with your own computer and telephone at yo ...

额 我第一段最后一句就表明我认为 在家里工作更好了啊..

然后第二段是让步 讲一下在公司工作的好处。

然后重点是让步之后..however之后的两段是论述在家工作的好处.. 最后总结

就是虽然在公司有好处 但是没有在家好出多  所以在家更好..大概是这个框架

iammuse

薄荷妹纸 发表于 2013-9-1 21:50
额 我第一段最后一句就表明我认为 在家里工作更好了啊..

然后第二段是让步 讲一下在公司工作的好处。

我知道你的意思，中国人是看的懂的。可是米国人不是这个思维。
他们是上来先想观点非常明确，然后再讲support的论点。
如果你上来就先讲的观点是都各有千秋，最后就说在家工作好会感觉很混乱的。

薄荷妹纸

iammuse 发表于 2013-9-1 22:20
我知道你的意思，中国人是看的懂的。可是米国人不是这个思维。
他们是上来先想观点非常明确，然后再讲sup ...

额..我的框架是标准的让步段+分论点1+分论点2结构
这个是T作文中最常见的结构之一啊...有什么问题吗..
我没有说各有千秋啊..同学你觉得我哪里在说各有千秋..
你是更倾向于一边倒的结构是吗..

不好意思..没太明白你的意思 问题有点多 见谅

iammuse

薄荷妹纸 发表于 2013-9-1 22:33
额..我的框架是标准的让步段+分论点1+分论点2结构
这个是T作文中最常见的结构之一啊...有什么问题吗..
我 ...

刚又看了一遍,不好意思,第一节最后一句没看到.脑补成你第一节是说各有千秋了.sorry。。。
我没有倾向于一边倒啦，只是觉得如果提出论点，就直接论证会非常简单明了，而且不容易出错。

薄荷妹纸

iammuse 发表于 2013-9-1 22:36
刚又看了一遍,不好意思,第一节最后一句没看到.脑补成你第一节是说各有千秋了.sorry。。。
我没有倾向于一 ...

喔 这样..~~ 好吧 我看了好多遍也没看出来各有千秋..并且我有标志词语啊  第一段的admittly 第二段的however 第三段的moreover 包括篇幅长短都可以体现论点的重要成都的

我其实之前也是第一段提出观点之后就开始三个分论点开始support。 然后XDF的某个老师给我说这样的话考场容易不好想到分论点. 三个比较多嘛 让步的话就好想很多..所以开始用这个结构.~

谢谢批改哦 我也觉得我第二段好啰嗦 一起进步！~

薄荷妹纸

91 Children should only play sports for fun, or play sports in competition or contests?

With the development of society and the change of people’s perception, it is worldly acknowledged that sport is playing a much more significant role in our daily life. But the issue that whether children should play sports just for fun or should play in competition is, indeed, controversial. The viewpoints vary form person to person. However, in my opinion, I think play sports in competition or contests is better for several reasons.

Admittedly, play sports just for pleasure is better way to release the pressure than competition because children do not need to concern about the results. There is definitely no pressure when you just play sports for fun rather than fight for win.

However, play in competition has its incomparable advantages. First, the main reason is that play sports in competition offers children a delightful way to establish their spirits of team work. Learning how to cooperate with other individuals is one of the most important lessons that children have to understand during their growth. As we know, most sports are needed to work as a group, such as basketball, football. A recent survey, conducted by Institute of Youngster, shows that the children who played sports in contests are better at cooperation and team work than children who played sports just for fun.

Moreover, competition assists children to form good personalities, such as perseverance and never surrender. Victory, to some extents, is the most importantly ultimate goal in the competition. The winners survive in the competitions and contests are always a kind of individuals who have the ability to insist to the last minute. Football is the most popular sports in the whole world, and it is worldly known that many key reversions occur in the last fewer minutes. It is the result that whole team fight with all strength during the 90 minutes. During the game time, they run, they defend, they attack, and maybe they get hurt, but no one gives up. Fight till die, that is the sprit. Play sports in competition, therefore, can affect children in a good way to form their personalities.

In sum, form what has been discussed above, play sports in competition gives much more good influences on children during their growth. So it is a definitely better than play sports just for fun.

薄荷妹纸

93 TPO28 综合写作

The lecture is mainly discussing that there are no solid evidences to support Peary did reach the North Pole, changing what are stated in the reading passage that this individual did come to the North Pole.

First of all, the speaker thinks that the committee which concluded a thorough investigation of Peary’s records and equipment is not reliable.  Because this committee just spend two days, instead of checking carefully and closely, to investigate the records. Besides, there are some member of the committee are close friends of Peary and subsidize this expedition, which leads to an objective conclusion. In reading passage, the lecture totally believes that the conclusion of investigation can prove that Peary did reach the North Pole. So, the lecture is totally disagrees with the view made in the reading.

Second, the lecture insists that the speed of Tom cannot prove that Peary reached the North Pole in only 37 days, contradicting what is stated in the reading passage that Peary’s claims are possible according to the situation of Tom. Because the speaker thinks that the two situations are totally different at two aspects: first, tom took fewer things on his sled and second Tom is lucky to encounter the favorable weather.

Finally, the speaker raises the issue that the faded and blur photograph of Peary cannot prove anything. In the lecture, the speaker thinks this is an old photograph took a hundred year ago, it blurs and fade. So this photograph cannot be used to calculate the position and then fails to prove the man did reach the North Pole. This point disagrees that the shadow of this photographs illustrate he reached North demonstrated in the reading.

Therefore, the contents in the reading passage are totally jeopardized by the speaker and the speaker has totally different ideas on the topics made in the reading passage.

19911006

薄荷妹纸 发表于 2013-9-3 10:45
91 Children should only play sports for fun, or play sports in competition or contests?

With the de ...

不好意思，来晚了

薄荷妹纸

97 TPO2 综合

The lecture is mainly talking about that having a team of people is definitely not the best way to attack a project, changing what are stated in the reading passage that assemble a group of people into a team is the best method to approach new projects.

First of all, the speaker thinks that the members of the group do not fell any rewarding in the group. Because the lecture believes that there are always some works who have free rides. The group is working together and no one knows the people who do work very hard and make huge contribution to the group. The individuals who make huge contributions often have a little chance to be recognized, not to mention recognized as highly significant. In contrast, the reading believes that it is vary rewarding for members of the team. So the lecture totally disagrees with the view made in the reading passage.

Second, the lecture discusses that working as a group does not mean it can work quickly. Because as a group, the viewpoints of member vary form one to another. It costs lots of time for the group to reach consensus about how to move projects. This point is contradicting what is stated in the reading passage that group can improve the speed of progress o the project.

Finally, the speakers think that it is impossible for group members to make creative solutions. There are definitely some influential individuals in group, who have large influence on making the decision. When this person thinks an idea is terrible, this idea is often dropped and no more discussion. This point disagree with that lots of creative solutions come up in the group.

Therefore, the contents in the reading passage are totally jeopardized by the lecture and the lecture has totally different ideas on the topic made in the reading.