[写作小分队] 8月26号考试啦

whom123

mk314400 发表于 2013-8-18 16:53
Aug. 18
Independent Writing：
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?

The professor gave us his opinions about the authenticity of the portrait for sale mentioned in the reading passage. According to the professor, even though the passage did provide us with some connections between the portrait and Jane Austen, he disagreed with the argument raised in the passage that the subject in the portrait was Jane Austen herself.

First, he mentioned that at the time of the publication of Austen's letters, she had been dead for more than 70 years. In that case, the Austen's family never saw Jane themselves and could not identify the subject in the portrait, which contradicts the opinion in the passage that Austen's family clearly recognized the painting as the portrait of Jane Austen.

Second, according to the professor, there was a possibility that the subject in the portrait was one of Austen's relatives, since Jane had a large family and many of her relatives were teenagers at the same time（此处感觉用age更恰当） with Jane. What is more, this possibility was mentioned in some studies. This idea given by the professor opposes the assumption made in the passage that Cassandra's sketch depicted Jane Austen and made that assumption not sound or persuasive.
这段感觉有些细节有遗漏，比如奥斯汀家族中有个另外一个女孩和画中女孩更为相似。

Third, the professor found the evidence proving the portrait was of Jane problematic, by stating that the evidence only looked at the style of the painting. In fact, the professor said that the canvas used by the painting was sold by a businessman who started selling canvases when Jane Austen was no longer a teenager. This fact lay  a solid foundation to oppose the idea in the passage.

总体来说，只是有些小问题，一些小错误；然后有少数细节没有听的很全，其次就是希望结构的用词上是不是稍微和passage不同一点？同样的first，second，third总觉得有点雷同的感觉。

mk314400

21 Aug
Independent Writing：
父母應該多陪孩子玩遊戲或體育運動，還是陪孩子做和學校學習有關的事情？

I can’t help worrying about the fact that nowadays,people are too obsessed with the performance of their children in school. Eventhough the education is a serious issue in a family with children, even in thewhole society, I'm still in favor of the idea that parents should spend moretime with their children doing sports or game, rather than assisting with theirschool work. From my perspective, it's beneficial for both children and parents.

Perhaps the most direct reason comes from the sadtruth that children today do not know how to play. They do know how to playcomputer games, but what about all these classic games their parents playedwhen they were young. In fact, most of these games, such as run-and-hide,twisted, etc. involve the actions of running and the need of creativity, whichdo far more good to children's physical and mental health than computer gamesdo. If parents can spend more time with their children doing sports or games, theproblems of teenager's short-sightedness and obesity may no longer exist.

Moreover, exercising with their children helpsbuild better relationship than doing schoolwork together. It is not unfair tosay that most children do not like school work. They spend eight hours inschool and from my point of view, it is enough. And playing with parents canabsolutely help children to relax. When I was in my primary school, forinstance, I hated writing. Once I got a C on my writing assignment and it mademe so upset. After realizing what was going on, my dad took me out to fly kite.I remember all the running, thread adjusting on the grass with my dad, which really cheered me up.

In addition, apart from all the benefits forchildren, doing sports or games with children is good for parents' health, aswell. Parents are usually under a lot of pressure: they have the whole familyto support and want their children to be successful in the future. They mayhave no time to exercise, and all they do to relax is watching television.Playing with children, however, can release their stress and build up theirbodies.

In a word, playing games or sports with children helpsboth the parents and children maintain health and release stress and is more rewardingthan doing school work together.

Integrated Writing：
TPO15

The professor disapproves the opinionslisted in the reading passage related to preventing the spread of the toads inAustralia and mentions the unsuccessful and unwanted ecological damage theseapproaches may bring about.

The idea of building a national fence maybe effective for matured toads but won't stop the reproduction of young speciesaccording to the professor, which contradicts the idea listed in thepassage.  The reason lies in the factthat young species and eggs may be carried by waterways, such as rivers orstreams, to the other side of the national fence.

Moreover, untrained volunteers are likelyto destroy the endangered native frogs in Australia. The professor mentionsthat it is not easy to tell the difference between toads and native frogs,especially when they are young.

In addition, apart from the benefits maycome along with the utilization of the specially-designed virus, such as theability to prevent toads from maturing and reproducing, the virus may harmtoads in their original habitats in America. The reason is that the virusaffecting toads may be transported to other countries with its host and attacknative toads there. The suffering of the local ecosystem is one likely andserious consequence.

laneesherry

迟来的批改请不要介意！
顺带楼主不要忘了帮我改哦

===========================

蓝色是个人意见及建议
黄色高亮是好词好句

Integrated Writing：
TPO15

The professor disapproves the opinions listed in the reading passage related to preventing the spread of the toads in Australia and mentions the unsuccessful and unwanted ecological damage these approaches may bring about.(这一段只有一句话，句间用and链接，建议改用更加有逻辑的连接，或直接断成两句话。）

The idea of building a national fence maybe effective for matured toads but won't stop the reproduction of young species according to the professor, which contradicts the idea listed in the passage.  The reason lies in the fact that young species and eggs may be carried by waterways, such as rivers orstreams, to the other side of the national fence. （本段的点基本上已经全部抓住）

Moreover, untrained volunteers are likely to destroy the endangered native frogs in Australia. The professor mentions that it is not easy to tell the difference between toads and native frogs,especially when they are young.（本段对阅读部分毫无提及，虽然说阅读部分相对来说没那么重要，但是提及一下还是非常有必要的。）

In addition, apart from the benefits may come along with the utilization of the specially-designed virus, such as the ability to prevent toads from maturing and reproducing, the virus may harm toads in their original habitats in America. The reason is that the virus affecting toads may be transported to other countries with its host and attack native toads there. The suffering of the local ecosystem is one likely andserious consequence.（同样，本段没有对阅读部分有任何的提及。另外，本段也没有指出这些观点来自阅读还是听力。）

整体印象：
听力中该有的点意见全部找到，用词多样，富于变化。
不过感觉楼主有些重听力轻阅读啊……建议去看一下相关分析和范文。


============================

下面附上来自无老师的满分范文：

Thelecturer argues against the three measures mentioned in the reading passage toreduce the population of the cane toad, a species introduced to the Australiancontinent.  

Thelecturer argues that the first measure, a national fence, would not prevent theflow of streams or rivers and, therefore, would allow young toads or toad eggsto travel to the other side of the fence. The reading passage, however, arguesthat such a fence would effectively cut off the Route that animals use toestablish colonies and expand in population.

Regardingthe second measure, recruiting a large group of volunteers, the lecturerexplains that volunteers often have difficulty distinguishing between canetoads and native frogs, an endangered species. Therefore, volunteers might killmembers of both species. The Reading passage gives the opposite view.Organizing a large group of volunteers to join an extermination campaign would speedthe destruction of cane toads.

Finallythe lecturer objects to the third measure—using an infectious virus. She pointsout that a virus intended to eliminate Australia's cane toad population couldbe transmitted through animal transportation to other continents where canetoads are an essential part of the ecosystem. This is indirect contradictionwith the claim in the reading passage that an infectious virus could be developedto stop the reproduction of cane toads without harming other species.