【求CD大神帮改一篇】在这里跪谢了

mrnarcissus

作文题目是：which kind of universities do you prefer,the universities whose graduates can find a good job or the universities where there are famous professors.

  As is often the case, the issue of choosing the university is much concerned to a point where a wide discussion has been aroused. Some people prefer the university whose graduates can find a good job rather than the university where there are famous professors. In taking various factors into consideration, I am on the opposite side of this claim.

  To begin with, I have to concede that receiving a good job after we graduate is attractive. For one thing, a good job, which could supply us the money and make us afford to basic items in daily life, is the foundation of one’s secure development. When we graduate from school, assuming that there is no support from our parents, how could we rent a house, pay the utility fees, and even treat ourselves a meal? At that time a beautiful payment from a good job, such as a bank clerk, a financial analyst, or a management consulting, would be shining and valuable.

  Nevertheless, I believe that university is aiming at teaching us knowledge and introduce us the approach to research and the logic to thinking. Thus, I indicate that having famous professors is more meaningful for students to go to university. For instance, I am major on Accounting, a major that need us to do a great deal data analysis and investigate scores of cooperation’s financial position. What impress me the most is in an Auditing class, an authoritative professor introduce us to use statistic method, for example the multiple linear regression, to analyze the complex circumstance. I could conclude that without famous professors, the university would lose it main purpose and be less beneficial for students.

  What’s more, in a long run, the famous professors could also broaden our horizons and provide us diverse opportunities. As a result, we could get a brighter future to blossom. Famous professors always have great numbers of valuable experiences and relationship with other outstanding people in various fields, which would not only help students a lot with their academic research but would also be priceless in their career and future development. The sincere advice, constructive suggestion, or even the frank criticism from famous professors would encourage you to be a better and wiser individual in your life –long time.

  To sum up, after taking the aspects above into account, I insist that universities with famous professors overwhelm the universities whose graduates can find a nice job. Although, at certain degree, the later one has its advantages.

mrnarcissus

14号考试了。。。可是作文写出来没人改。。。真心给跪了

jerry1610

As is often the case, the issue of choosing the university is much concerned to a point where a wide discussion has been aroused. Some people prefer the university whose graduates can find a good job rather than(prefer sth to sth…..prefer to do rather than do我记得高中是这么背的。。) the university where there are famous professors. In（你对这个in有把握么？我印象中直接taking就行了） taking various factors into consideration, I am on the opposite side of this claim.
  To begin with, I have to concede that receiving a good job after we graduate is attractive. For one thing, a good job, which could supply us （supply sb with…）the money and make us afford(觉得这句有点怪。。。语法上倒是没问题) to basic items in daily life, is the foundation of one’s secure（安全发展？） development. When we graduate from school, assuming that there is（that there is可以省略） no support from our parents, how could we rent a house, pay the utility fees, and even treat ourselves a meal? At that time a beautiful payment from a good job, such as a bank clerk, a financial analyst, or a management consulting, would be shining and valuable.
  Nevertheless, I believe that university is aiming at（为什么用进行时？） teaching us knowledge and introduce（ing） us the approach to research and the logic to（of） thinking. Thus, I indicate that having famous professors is more meaningful for students to go to university（有点中式英语了吧。。更有意义）. For instance, I am major on（这基本词组不能错啊） Accounting, a major that need（单三） us to do a great deal data analysis and investigate scores（这个是啥意思？数字？） of cooperation’s financial position. What impress me the most is（一个动词） in an Auditing class, an authoritative professor introduce（两个动词，还没单三） us to use statistic method, for example the multiple linear regression, to analyze the complex circumstance. I could conclude that without famous professors, the university would lose it main purpose and be less beneficial for（to。。。） students.
  What’s more, in a long run, the famous professors could also broaden our horizons and provide us （with  词组啊。。）diverse opportunities. As a result, we could get a brighter future to blossom（这个词有这个用法么？直接到future那就好）. Famous professors always have great numbers（很多数量？rich experiences，。） of valuable experiences and relationship with other outstanding people in various fields, which would not only help students a lot with their academic research but would（并列错了，去掉would） also be priceless in their career and future development. The sincere advice, constructive suggestion, or even the frank criticism from famous professors would encourage you to be a better and wiser individual in your life –long time（这又是神马用法。。in long term/run）.
  To sum up, after taking the aspects above into account, I insist that universities with famous professors overwhelm the universities whose graduates can find a nice job. Although（这只是个从句啊。。。怎么就单独成句了呢。。）, at certain degree, the later one has its advantages.