Twe 147-hncsxj恳请修改

hncsxj

It has been a controversy in our school over the issue of how to spend the money that the board received recently. On the one side stands the traditional position that the capital should be invested in the school's infrastructure. On the other side there is a progressive view that the school should purchase more computers due to the shortage of these facilities. From my point of view, I strongly support the latter. In the following paragraph, I would elaborate reasons with examples.

To begin with, accompanied with the accelerating increasing intelligence is the appreciation to the importance of computers. These advanced machines cannot only serve to help the teachers communicate with their students efficiently and effectively, but also act as a vehicle of collecting, analyzing and compiling data in the modern society. For example, the teachers can employ multimedia software to help the students understand the abstract academic theories more deeply. On the other hand, more and more students take advantage of computers to finish their assignments by acquiring the information from Internet.

In addition, as to the management level, computers facilitate the deans in different departments to handle all kinds of issues. For instances, the tedious events, schedules and budgets can be well documented by computer. These documents become the significant guides or standards against which the work can be measured. Further, the board of the school can evaluate the performance of the school according to these established systems and make further plans or adjustments. As a result, computers have already been an indispensable part of the school life.

However, dissenters may attack that the computers are so expensive that the fiscal budget cannot meet the demands of other facilities. Obviously, the advantages computers carry more weight than that of other facilities. If we have to wait until all the money problems are perfectly solved, we will have no computers forever. Therefore, any short-term plan is not favored.

To sum up, given the reasons discussed above, purchasing computers is a wise decision to our school. In fact, I prefer to buy the valuable machines as many as possible to ensure our school and students thrive in the competitive society.

Veronica_Melody

It has been a controversy in our school over the issue of how to spend the money that the board received recently. On the one side (One sides) stands the traditional position that the capital should be invested in the school's infrastructure. On the other side there is a progressive view that the school should purchase more computers due to the shortage of these facilities. From my point of view, I strongly support the latter (?? I strongly support to buy more computers, in order to…..latter??) . In the following paragraph (paragraphs) , I would elaborate (I would elaborate a bit more with some examples) reasons with examples.

To begin with, accompanied with the accelerating increasing intelligence is the appreciation to the importance of computers.(unclear)  These advanced machines cannot only serve to help the teachers communicate with their students efficiently and effectively, but also act as a vehicle of collecting, analyzing and compiling data in the modern society. For example, the teachers can employ multimedia software to help the students understand the abstract academic theories more deeply (understand the academic theories in depth) . On the other hand,(meanwhile) more and more students take advantage of computers to finish their assignments by acquiring the information from Internet.

In addition, as to the management level, computers facilitate the deans in different departments to handle all kinds of issues. For instances, the tedious events, schedules and budgets can be well documented by computer (on the computer). These documents become the significant guides or standards against (??) which the work can be measured. Further, the board of the school can evaluate the performance of the school according to these established systems and make further plans or adjustments. As a result, computers have already been an indispensable part of the school life.

However, dissenters may attack that the computers are so expensive that the fiscal budget cannot meet the demands of other facilities. ( this sentence is protracted long) Obviously, the advantages computers carry more weight than that of other facilities. If we have to wait until all the money problems are perfectly solved, we will (would never) have no computers forever. Therefore, any short-term plan is not favored.

To sum up, given the reasons discussed above, purchasing computers is a wise decision to our school. In fact, I prefer to buy the valuable machines as many as possible (to buy as many valuable machines as possible) to ensure our school and students thrive in the competitive society.

The forth paragraph is awkward. the conclusion is a bit short, since it's only two sentences.