写吐血了的作文，求各种狠批

abbyseven

   Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
你同不同意that 學生參加學校的organization 和activities club is as important as their academic class.

When asked the question of "Doorganization activities have the same effect on the development of students asacademic classes do ", i would like to transform that question into anotherone,"what are the key factors contribute to students' future achievement". Interpersonal communication skills, organization skills and the abilityto learn new things are concluded, i suppose.

Under vast pressure of competition, if weare disired to get our dream job, we should make ourself impressed by theemployers at the first glance. At that time, a excellent interpersonalcommunication skill is a useful method to close the distance between theemployers and us, then help us obtain the job. How to master that skill? Iguess all of you would ask me. The best way to build and exercise ourinterpersonal communication skills is to attend organization and school club asmuch as possible. Take myself for example, when i am a freshman in my college,I couldn't able to chat with various students. Everytime when i stood in frontof other students, i always felt intense. I was so admire these kind of peoplewho can make friends easily. I asked my advisor for assitance. She told me thatthe more organizations i attended, the better interpersonal communicationswould be.  I did what she said, then amirace occurred. I make lots of friends. They enjoy talking with me.

Everyday, plentiful activities from smallto large are held, like from the national meetings to class gathering. As awell- rounded student, the inevitable ability is organization skills. An oldproverb is saying that “Every French soldier carries a marshal's baton in hisknapsack'', which means, the soldie who doesn't want to be a general is not outstandingone. This proverb tells us that to be a leader is not only require us to havethe encouragement, but it also demands organization skills. Owning the abilityto creat a club and organize the students to attend it means a feat for us.Lily, a friend of mine, who organizes a music club at our college. And she runit so well, even the CCTV invite her and her music team to perform. This is abig new for her, our school, even our whole province.

In my assessment of a preeminent people, itmust be one who is capable of accepting new knowledge with effect.  Undoubtedly, we cann't be experts in allacademic field, but the attitude to be willing to study fresh subjects doescount.  My mom always tells me a storyabout her. When she was gradute from high school, she got a position in acommercial bank. She had no idea how to operate the computer because it was herfirst time to use the computer. In order to solve the problem, she decided totake a night school to learn the computer. 2 months later, she became a masterin usage of the computer. And she got promotion by that. The story of my mominspires me a lot. Take academic classes at colloge is the direct way to showour ability to learn new stuff. If we did well in these class, obviously, weshould be able to learn new skills when working.

From the paragraphs above, it's easy tofind the answer, attending organizations or academic classes impact studentsequally. They do the same when metion of future performence of students.

求狠批，我都不知道我在写什么，完全无逻辑！！！

sherlock1992

你同不同意that 學生參加學校的organization 和activities club is as important as their academic class.
红色修改 蓝色建议 高亮表赞

When asked the question of "Doorganization activities have the same effect on the development of students asacademic classes do ",(赶脚of之后的这部分并不是一个question吧？用if或whether来带起赶脚更好） i would like to transform that question into anotherone,"what are the key factors contribute（contributing) to students' future achievement". Interpersonal communication skills, organization skills and the abilityto learn new things are concluded, i suppose.(赶脚楼主应该少用 I 来带起句子, 这样的话说服力不是太强，当然，个人意见）

Under vast pressure of competition, if weare disired(desired) to get our dream job, we should make ourself impressed by theemployers at the first glance. At that time, a excellent interpersonalcommunication skill is a useful method to close the distance between theemployers and us, then helps us obtain the job.(句子与句子之间要加连词，这里用but不错） How to master that skill? Iguess all of you would ask me. The best way to build and exercise ourinterpersonal communication skills is to attend organization and school club asmuch as possible. Take myself for example, when i am a freshman in my college,I couldn't able to chat with various students（赶脚这句话不是特恰当，楼主如果表示成不太喜欢或不太容易与他人相处会更恰当）.Everytime when i stood in frontof other students, i always felt intense（我查了一下牛津，intense没有这样的用法，还是nervous吧）. I was so admire these kind of peoplewho can make friends easily. I asked my advisor for assitance. She told me thatthe more organizations i attended, the better interpersonal communicationswould be.  I did what she said, then amirace occurred. I make（made) lots of friends.(同上，句间缺乏连词） They enjoy(enjoyed) talking with me.(赶脚楼主在段中进行一些对比会更好）

Everyday, plentiful activities from smallto large are held, like from the national meetings to class gatherings. As awell- rounded student, the inevitable ability is（are) organization skills. An oldproverb is saying that “Every French soldier carries a marshal's baton in hisknapsack'', which means, the soldie(soldier) who doesn't want to be a general is not a outstandingone. This proverb tells us that to be a leader is not only require(requiring) us to havethe encouragement, but it also demands organization skills. Owning the abilityto creat a club and organize(organizing) the students to attend it means a feat for us.Lily, a friend of mine, who organizes a music club at our college. And she runit so well, even the CCTV invite(has ever invited) her and her music team to perform. This is abig new for her, our school, even our whole province.(怎么赶脚有点偏了呢？）

In my assessment of a preeminent people, itmust be one who is capable of accepting new knowledge with effect.  Undoubtedly, we cann't be experts in allacademic field, but the attitude （to be）（感觉to be省略比较好） willing to study fresh subjects doescount.  My mom always tells me a storyabout her. When she was graduted from high school, she got a position in acommercial bank. She had no idea how to operate the computer because it was herfirst time to use the computer. In order to solve the problem, she decided totake a night school to learn the computer. 2 months later, she became a masterin usage of the computer. And she got promotion by that. The story of my mominspires me a lot. Take academic classes at colloge is the direct way to showour ability to learn new stuff. If we did well in these class, obviously, weshould be able to learn new skills when working.

From the paragraphs above, it's easy tofind the answer, attending organizations or academic classes impacts studentsequally. They do the same when metion of future performence of students.

1.楼主整体结构还是比较不错的，当然前提是不跑题。。。
2.一定一定要注意一些简单但容易犯错的语法点（经常出错的人似乎没资格说。。。）
3.加油！
P.S. 对了，，，为什么没有看到您的综合作文呢？