Betsy的写作贴

cquzyr

TPO15 综合写作

In the lecture ,the professor questions the reading's 3 ways to control  the spread of cane toad which effect native animals.
The lecture puts forth the idea that the 3 ways will not effective and may cause enviromental change.
Firstly,the reading suggest to build a national defence to avoid  toad move to other regions.But the  professr mention that because the young toad and eggs were easily carry by rivers and streams ,building national defence will not be effective.
Secondly,in the reading,the capture and destroy of toad by volunteer also be a  good method to control spread.However,the professor said the untrained volunteers may destroyed native frogs then hurt native enviroment.
Thirdly,the reading cites researching a  disease-causing virus which may cause malady of toad .The professor reput this by saying that the virus will be harmful to other frogs and may carry by reseachers or others to America then causing a ecological disaster.

anafkn

cquzyr 发表于 2013-6-7 10:31
TPO15 综合写作

In the lecture ,the professor questions the reading's 3 ways to control  the spread  ...

TPO15 综合写作

In the lecture ,the professor questions the reading's 3 ways to control  the spread of cane toad which effect native animals.
The lecture puts forth the idea that the 3 ways will not effective and may cause enviromental change.

Firstly,the reading suggest to build a national defence(……我真的不知道是defenceh还是fence……) to avoid  toad move（木有见过avoid sb do, 只见过avoid doing或者forbid sb to do） to other regions. But the  professr mentions that because the young toad and eggs were easily carried by rivers and streams ,building national defence will not be effective.

Secondly,in the reading,the capture and destroy(destruction) of toad by volunteer also be(is also ) a  good method to control the spread. However, the professor said the untrained volunteers may destroyed native frogs and then hurt native enviroment.

Thirdly,the reading cites(引用？不知道合不合适) researching a  disease-causing virus which may cause malady（查字典的，不知道在这里用合不合适，不过因为没见过,给个高亮） of toad .The professor reput？ this by saying that the virus will be harmful to other frogs and may carry by（be carried by） reseachers or others to America then causing a ecological disaster.


Conclusion:
A few words may be not bad

cquzyr

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?In order to succeed, you should be more like others than be different from everyone else.


We all told to be successful when we grown up.But no one could tell us how to succeed.Someone said that we can follow the steps of the people who had been successful,take their experience.Actually, in my opinion,I think why the successful person separate with unsuccessful people just because of unique.They can’t be replaced by any other person.
Following others’ step are doomed to failure.Why I said this because when you copy a person(assume he is a man) ,you finally become another him.Let us suppose that you are totally same as him. He now take his position,enjoy his fame and life.You,however,want all things he had.You want to replace him,but you don’t have any more advantages than he has because you are absolutely same as him.So why could you replace him as you want?If you want to do successful things beyond what he does,just show your own characters ,advantages and wisdom to others to show that you are unique and you won’t be replaced.
Now we have another question.If we don’t want to be same as others,how do we be characteristic?Let us take Steven Jobs as example.When people talk about Steven,they always said that he is a genius, he is creative,and so on.Well,I think it is the creativity of Steve made him unusual.The creativity let Steve lead the Apple’s group developed the IOS system which undeniable created a new world of mobile phone.Being creativity means that you could think different with others.These different opinions you hold could compose your own characteristics.That is ,when you have own unique character,you will be obvious in crowd and can be recognized rapidly,which could lead to succeed.
In a conclusion,we need to be creative that makes us different from others.Unique is always distinct with common people,which makes him or her have more opportunities to achieve goal.There are so many guys for us to learn from,such as Steven Jobs,Bill Gates,etc.The common things they had is unique.It seems to be contradictory,but it is the truth,the truth to be success.Let us stand out and chase our dreams.
  

yzwdan818

cquzyr 发表于 2013-6-8 16:11
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?In order to succeed, you should be more like o ...

不好意思，我忘了自己今天上午下午都有课，待会马上又要去上课了，晚上回来给你改作文啊，不好意思

yzwdan818

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Inorder to succeed, you should be more like others than be different fromeveryone else.


We all told to be successful when we grown （grow）up. But noone could tell us how to succeed. Someone said that we can follow the steps ofthe people who had been successful, take their experience. Actually, in myopinion, I think why thesuccessful person separate with unsuccessful people just because of unique.(why和because 不能这样放在同一句话中，改成the reason of … is …   Unique是形容词，也不能放在because of 后面)They can’t be replaced by any otherperson.
Following others’ step are（is） doomed to failure（fall）. Why Isaid this because when you copy a person(assume he is a man) ,you finallybecome another him(和上面存在同样问题，而且你应该是模仿或者学习一个人的行为，而不是去copy 一个人，人是不能copy这个词的，那是克隆).Let ussuppose that you are totally same as him. He now take（takes） his position, enjoy(s) his fame and life. You, however, wantall things he had. You want to replace him, but you don’t have any moreadvantages than he has because you are absolutely same as him. So why could youreplace him as you want? If you want to do successful things beyond what hedoes, just show your own characters, advantages and wisdom to others to showthat you are unique and you won’t be replaced.（这一段的论证感觉逻辑混乱，想到什么说什么的感觉，没有说到点子上）
Now we have another question. If we don’t want to be same as others, howdo we be characteristic? Let us take Steven Jobs as example. When people talkabout Steven, they always said that he is a genius, he is creative, （至少举三个例子再用and so on）and so on .Well, I think it is the creativity of Stevemade him unusual. The creativity let(s) Steve lead the Apple’s group developed theIOS system which undeniable created a new world of mobile phone. Beingcreativity means that you could think different with others. These differentopinions you hold could compose your own characteristics. That is, when youhave own unique character, you will be obvious in crowd and can be recognizedrapidly, which could lead to succeed.
In a conclusion, we need to be creative that makes us different from others. Uniqueis always distinct with common people, which makes him or her have（has） more opportunities to achieve goal. There are so manyguys for us to learn from, such as Steven Jobs Bill Gates, etc.(你只举了一个人的例子，不要用这种表示等等的符号) The common things they had is unique. It seems to becontradictory, but it is the truth, the truth to be success. Let us stand outand chase our dreams.

1.      标点符号后面要空格

2.      基本功不扎实，词性有点分不清楚，三单形式基本都写错了，遣词造句中出现了一些错误，句子也都是最简单的句子，语义也不太连贯。

3.      单次使用的重复率高，其实感觉你很多句子也是在不停重复，没有递进。

这上面三个问题已经让你整篇文章看上去不舒服了，最基本的一些错误一定要尽量少犯，然后再去提升自己的文章，加油！