kim 的作文本 占座。希望狠批啊。这次的有点超字数。。。。

kimfeng

Do you agree or disagree with the followingstatement?

Your job has greater happiness than yoursocial life.

Have you ever bored with daily worklife, doing roughly same job without any exciting moment? Have you eversacrifice your social activities due to the additional work that is to befinished by the end of this day, only for those small earnings to support yourfamily’s expenditure? I reckon that nearly everyone who has worked will experiencethese kinds of situations. Therefore we cannot say that job has greaterhappiness than our social life.

First and foremost, we must know themeaning of the word-----happiness. In the dictionary, I find that it is explainedin this way-----happiness is a mental or emotional state of well-being characterizedby positive or pleasant emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy.So we can see that if we want to state that the job has greater happiness thansocial life, we must give some proof to support that people can acquire morejoy in jobs instead of in social activities. But I think this condition isseldom in our everyday life. Because the aim for almost everyone to work is to earnenough money to live and to participate in the world’s all kinds of allocationsto avoid getting rid of by the society. So, the job must throw a lot of stresson us. In this way, how can we feel happy, how can we feel relaxed, anotherkind of happiness, and how can we have time to contact our friends and do thingswhich relate to our hobbies? So, how can you say that job has greater happinessthan social life?

Second, I want to further illustrate onhow the jobs relate to our life and why they cannot bring us happiness. Modernpeople are willing to spend two third and even more of their time on theircareers however it is not rare to see that most of them do not enjoy the workfor many reasons. Some of them failed to get the position of their dream jobsand have to choose their current jobs, some people although are doing the jobthey like, are suffering from the time working with the colleagues whom theycannot get along well with or not easy to be cooperated. Some people work nineand even more hours a day and frequently are demanded to work overtime howevertheir salaries can only afford their daily expenses...For those people, job cannotserve as a function of providing happiness, working hours may be painfulsometimes, and perhaps the only reason they never quit is that they need theiremployers to pay them so that they can afford their children’s education or thewhole families’ medical treatment. So, my conclusion is that most jobs aretaken by various reasons except one’s own joy.

To some extent, it is not exaggerationto say that the happiest and the most satisfied moment for every employee areat the end of each month because workers can be paid at that time. However, itdoes not necessarily mean it is the job itself that brings them such happinessand the sense of satisfaction and I think people feel happy after they are paidbecause they know that the economic foundation is the precondition of sociallife and only by that they can have enjoyable time, spend the night withfriends in bars to let off some steam, drive to the neighboring city to watch aNBA game, go to gymnasium to do sports with friends, invite a friend and hisgirlfriend to have a double date in a fancy restaurant...Happiness isconsiderably easier to get through social activities and maybe for most ofpeople their job only serve as a function of providing them strong economicfoundation to have social life.

perfectends

亲，看图片~

perfectends

我建议你先去看看小分队占座贴里推荐的那个十天托福作文，另外还有慎小什么的（第三个字不认识）那个十天托福作文（本版有，你搜搜帖子）。你最大问题逻辑不清，还有wordy，整体structure看看这两本十天，就明白了。

kimfeng

perfectends 发表于 2013-5-7 16:30
我建议你先去看看小分队占座贴里推荐的那个十天托福作文，另外还有慎小什么的（第三个字不认识）那个十天托 ...

好的谢谢。我去看看到时候。

kimfeng

5.8号独立写作 占座

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?

Students can get as many benefits from organization or club activities as they can get from their academic studies.
With the developing of technology, the increasing necessity of knowledgeable people, and the prompting focus on the education, people nowadays often think highly of academic studies and even sometimes encourage students give up organization or club activities to keep more time on study. I’m afraid I can’t agree on this statement for several reasons below:
First and foremost, I hold the view that we can acquire from same knowledge on how to be a real person. In the courses, text books, and teachers, we acknowledge a lot of information about morals and ethics from them. But I believe that all of these principals can be also attained from organization or club activities. Morals we all know are defined as a total of manners to adjust relationships among people. Furthermore, the aim of forming concept of morals in people concludes three points: one is to help people differentiate kindness from evil, another is to assist people to make sense what is honor and shame, and the final is to let people understand the definition of justice and injustice. Then let me think one common situation happened in activities. We always make a lot of friends during activities. Imagine that if one of them always destroys others’ lives because of his or her jealous or do some bad things, can you still want to make friends with him or her? Will you hope to become a person like he or she, disliked by all people? Will you want to expose his or her illegal manners? I think everyone can make a right choice. So I think we can get as many benefits from activities as from academic studies.
Second, I’m convinced that many skills learned from books must be practiced in reality. As an old saying goes, Wit once bought is worth twice taught. I think this sentence shows the importance of experience from life and activity. Imagine that if one person is always reading books and don’t go out to exercise him or herself, the knowledge belongs to the people who write the book not the people who read it, because without practice in reality the knowledge is forever abstract somehow. And if this knowledge we get from activities like visiting the museums, traveling outside, and having a internship, the thing we learn is belongs to us for experiencing it by ourselves. Therefore, I prefer spend time to study from all kinds of activities.
Admittedly, academic studies are important to some extent and many vital accesses to schools and companies and students’ prominent task is hard-working on their academy. However, we cannot deny the importance of organization and club activities. Even sometimes the advantage from these activities outweighs the advantage from study.
谢谢parterner同学的批改

sherlock1992

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?

Students can get as many benefits from organization or club activities as they can get from their academic studies.
With the developing(development更合适） of technology, the increasing necessity of knowledgeable people, and the prompting(prompt本身可以作adj.) focus on the education, people nowadays often think highly of academic studies and even sometimes encourage students to give up organization or club activities to keep more time on study. I’m afraid I can’t agree on this statement for several reasons below:
First and foremost, I hold the view that we can acquire(vt.后面不能加from) from same knowledge on how to be a real person. In the courses, text books, and from teachers, we acknowledge(意思很不通，直接用learn吧） a lot of information about morals and ethics from them(from them多余）. But I believe that all of these principals can be also attained from organization or club activities. Morals we all know are defined as a total of manners to adjust relationships among people. Furthermore, the aim of forming concept of morals in people concludes three points: one is to help people differentiate kindness from evil, another is to assist people to (assist sb. with/in sth)make sense of what is honor and shame, and the final is to let people understand the definition of justice and injustice. Then let me(us) think(consider) one common situation happened in activities. We always make a lot of friends during activities. Imagine that if one of them always destroys others’ lives because of his or her jealous or do some bad things, can you still want to make friends with him or her? Will you hope to become a person like he or she, disliked by all people? Will you want to expose his or her illegal manners? I think everyone can make a right choice. So I think we can get as many benefits from activities as from academic studies.
Second, I’m convinced that many skills learned from books must be practiced in reality. As an old saying goes, Wit once bought is worth twice taught. I think this sentence shows the importance of experience from life and activity. Imagine that if one person is always reading books and don’t go out to exercise him or herself, the knowledge belongs to the people who write the book not the people who read it, because without practice in reality the knowledge is forever abstract somehow. And if this knowledge we get from activities like visiting the museums, traveling outside, and having a internship, the thing we learn is(去掉） belongs to us for experiencing it by ourselves. Therefore, I prefer spend time to study from all kinds of activities.
Admittedly, academic studies are important to some extent and many vital accesses to schools and companies and students’ prominent task is hard-working on their academy. However, we cannot deny the importance of organization and club activities. Even sometimes the advantage from these activities outweighs the advantage from study.
谢谢parterner同学的批改
感觉有些固定搭配掌握的不是太好，最好在清晰一下逻辑，加油！