渣渣作文求狠批

yyjfantasy

  4.3 独立
      Perhaps no issue istalked about as commonly as environmental protection throughout the world. Nowadays,as more and more gasoline and electricity is being consumed each year in largequantity, in reference to the comparatively limited amount of the total power, thetopic whether increasing prices of the gasoline and electricity is the onlyeffective way to encourage energy conservation has raised to a heated debate. Inmy point of view, the only answer is definitely no. I deem that a careful review of the energyindustry and the consumption of the energy will reveal the answer.(不知道这样的模板好不好，本来只需要这段最后两句话就行了，前面分析的那些无非是把题目换了个说法。我也是渣渣，不知道老美会不会发觉这样的，还是只要字数越多越好)

    On top of my standpoint, thoseproponents for the increase in price probably don't consider other possibleingredients for encouraging energy conservation. That is other methods can alsoplay an essentially important role in supporting the energy conservation.Therecould be other possibility that  the former proposed method doesn'twork at all. For example, the increasing price in our town in recent years doesnot coincide with a decrease in consumption of those energy.Virtually,the pastseveral years has seen rapidly increasing amount of cars on the road,which seem(seems) never affected by the increase of  price.

    In addition, as mentioned above, toincrease the number of programme in the TV and radio about the necessity and urgency for energyconservation might actually(既是might又有actually,到底语气是坚定的还是犹疑的呢。。？) work.It is a favourable way for peopleto realize how their extremely large consumption of energy  isindirectly damaging the balance of the environment and what they can do tocompensate for the loss.Those programs could encourage people to entirely turndown the electricity equipment or（and） to go outby car only when necessary. As we know, what people think will largely affecttheir behavior. So settinga concept of always saving energy and protecting the environment around canbe,if not better,as efficient as increasing the price.

   Further more,increasing the priceof certain energy might actually damage the welfare of a large portion ofpeople.As is clear to see,the policy of increasing price is apt to limit theuse for the rich,who must continue their life style,due to the comparativelylow cost for them.While the majority of middle-classes are not thatfortunate,who have to think twice before using those convenience facility,likecars and air conditions. For example, a person may take on several buses for 3hours to a destination to save money,which,otherwise,could be reached withinone and a half hour by car.So such policy is bound to affect the life level ofmid-class people.
   
   After my analysis,the realeffectiveness of the former policy, the merit of its alternative,and thepotential detriment it could cause are all compelling justifications for theuncertainty of increasing the price.If the government are to insist thepolicy,more research have to be done to demonstrate its superiority.

one的这篇作文我虽然看起来改得不算多，但是读了好久好久、、好多的大长句，真的有种透不过气来的感觉、、语法不错，至少渣渣我觉得挺好的，就是没有了长短句结合，显得有些刻板。当然one 的词汇还是很丰富滴~~向你学习！
另外希望注意以后标点符号后加一个空格。一个小小的格式问题~~~

lihaolan

one9037476 发表于 2013-4-4 18:33
4.4独立   
   Perhaps no issue is talked about as commonly as decision making throughout the worl ...

4.4独立
Perhaps no issue is talked about（is being discussed） as commonly as decision making throughout the world.As everyone has to make numerous decisions through out(throuhgout) the life,the topic concerning whether independent decision or advice from someone else is better（题目是说一个现象，和better有点区别因为说大部分人是不是让别人替他们做决定，和这样行为好不好还是有区别的） has raised to a heated debate since a long time ago.In my point of view,I recommends that it's more favorable to make our own choices independently at least for most people.And a review of the affairs can make the answer more clear.

On top of my argument,no one knows you better than yourself does.Thus only you can consider the affairs solely and entirely from you r own perspective.Others can not always figure out your thought,your real situation in analysis of your matter,which nevertheless,requires taking all the possible factors into consideration.For example,when I was about to attend the university and confused about what to major in.My parents both strongly recommends（时态） me to choose international finance,which,in their sight,is a guarantee of future career prospect.However,my interest virtually lies in E-business,you never know how crazy I have been about shopping online and its mechanism（无连词不能变成一个句子和前面）.Fortunately,in light of my insistence,finally my parents gave in and we achieve consensus（时态） that I was able to follow my own engagement in choosing my profession.I could not imagine how frustrated I would be every day in my university career if I let my parents make the decision for me .

In addition,the advice from others can serve a salutary function to offer reference for making decisions of our own,but is something you can entirely adopted（少了个not）.Because no one but you are to responsible for the decision you make.One simply decision you make currently can have a far-reaching effect on your life several years ago（现在决定对几年前有用？）.Thus,it's highly necessary for you to think twice and analyze your choice rationally.

Last but no least,independent thinking can be a necessity to survive the complicated world.Perhaps since we were primary school students we have been told not to follow what others say or do,but differentiate right from wrong by ourselves and form our own mature thought instead.Admittedly,despite the majority of the favorable advice from our friends,there do exists some poor suggestion which might take us into trouble from several people.If we never make our own decision and merely follow what others says,the result can be destructive and unimaginable.

After my ruminating all the factors,our deeper knowledge of ourselves,the necessity to take respondence for the decision and the fact that not all the suggestions are valuable are all compelling justifications for the superiority for most people to depend on themselves in decision making.That;s a wise way to live on earth.
就是扣紧中心吧。题目说是不是大部分人让别人做决定。应该把自己做决定的有益 影响大部分人自己做决定这点点出来。要不然就有点偏题。个人觉得。anyway！fighting其他挺好就是时态注意

one9037476

lihaolan 发表于 2013-4-5 11:18
4.4独立
Perhaps no issue is talked about（is being discussed） as commonly as decisi ...

"应该把自己做决定的有益 影响大部分人自己做决定这点点出来。"这个是什么意思啊，求助

lihaolan

one9037476 发表于 2013-4-5 14:43
"应该把自己做决定的有益 影响大部分人自己做决定这点点出来。"这个是什么意思啊，求助 ...

你主要写的是自己做决定的好处！联系下题目因此大部分人都自己做决定这个事实

one9037476

lihaolan 发表于 2013-4-5 16:01
你主要写的是自己做决定的好处！联系下题目因此大部分人都自己做决定这个事实 ...

有道理，，，字数你妹。。。。。

one9037476

4.5独立
   Perhaps no issue is talked about as commonly as national welfare by people throughout the world.As nowadays people tend to care more about their deserved welfare as well as how the government spend the annual revenue,topic concerning whether the public need to pay for the public transportation has raised a heated debate.In my point view,either to pay or not to pay has several merits and demerits,but after taking all the elements into consideration I think every citizen should burden on at least some of the payment for public transportation.

    On top of my argument,the free public transportation can lead to unintended consequences like inefficiency in the utilization of the public resources,which,in turns,can lead to energy waste in large quantity.For example,under the free policy,someone might even take on a bus to a destination within several-minute walk,or to take on a bus from the initial station to the destination and then travel back.Both the above two phenomenon can make the buses even crowded and burn extra fuels,which,otherwise,could be exploit to make electricity for people.

   In addition,the free policy could lay a heavy burden on the national finance.Under the alternative policy,the government might only need to compensate for the gap between total cost and tickets revenue,but if the free policy is undertaken,everything changes.The government would  have to pay  for the substantially unnecessary travel of people in the country, hence vastly decrease education and public health expenditure,a phenomenon disgusted by almost everyone..

   Last but not the least,virtually,the government could revise the policy to adapt it to the national conditions.For instance,the government can offer a fund to  people who use public transportation within certain times,That is, if the certain time is 100, people merely have to pay tickets after they enjoy public transportation for more than 100 times.That way, people will not be motivated to take a free ride for no purpose, nor will tremendous burden be add to the government finance.

   After my ruminating all the factors,the comparatively low efficiency and the high burden added to the government are both compelling reasons for the superiority of charging for public transportation,.To solve the dilemma,the government can replace entirely free policy to one that funds people only conditionally.Unless a strong awareness of environmental protection and energy saving are rooted in people's heart and our comprehensive national strength is strong enough,can we consider applying a total free policy on public transportation for welfare.

lihaolan

Perhaps no issue is talked about as commonly as national welfare by people throughout the world.As nowadays people tend to care more about their deserved welfare as well as how the government spend the annual revenue,topic concerning whether the public need to pay for the public transportation has raised a heated debate.In my point view,either to pay or not to pay has several merits and demerits,but after taking all the elements into consideration I think every citizen should burden on（去掉） at least some of the payment for public transportation.

On top of my argument,the free public transportation can lead to unintended consequences like inefficiency in the utilization of the public resources,which,in turns,can lead to energy waste in large quantity.For example,under the free policy,someone might even take on a bus to a destination within several-minute walk,or to take on a bus（不要） from the initial station to the destination and then travel back.Both the above two phenomenons can make the buses even crowded and burn extra fuels,which,otherwise,could be exploit（exploited） to make electricity for people.

In addition,the free policy could lay a heavy burden on the national finance.Under the alternative policy,the government might only need to compensate for the gap between total cost and tickets revenue,but if the free policy is undertaken,everything changes.The government would have to pay for the substantially unnecessary travel of people in the country, hence vastly decrease（decreasing） education and public health expenditure,a phenomenon disgusted by almost everyone..

Last but not the least,virtually,the government could revise the policy to adapt it to the national conditions.For instance,the government can offer a fund to people who use public transportation within certain times,That is, if the certain time is 100, people merely have to pay tickets after they enjoy public transportation for more than 100 times.That way, people will not be motivated to take a free ride for no purpose, nor will tremendous burden be add to the government finance.（提出新的方法和公众pay 不pay 还是有点距离。也可以说公众pay 是有你说的政府提供卷的好处。可以进一步分析pay 的好处的。）

After my ruminating all the factors,the comparatively low efficiency and the high burden added to the government are both compelling reasons for the superiority of charging for public transportation,.To solve the dilemma,the government can replace entirely free policy to one that funds people only conditionally.Unless a strong awareness of environmental protection and energy saving are rooted in people's heart and our comprehensive national strength is strong enough,can we consider applying a total free policy on public transportation for welfare.
建议具体化一些有点地方其他挺好

one9037476

4.6独立
    Perhaps no issue is talked about as commonly as the advancement in science and technology throughout the world. As nowadays electronic books have been exploited more and more frequently, the topic concerning whether in twenty years the printed book will encounter extinction has triggered an intense discussion. In my point of view, my answer is definitely no. Because printed books still have some merits that are not shared by the electronic ones and the latter ones also display some critical demerits.

    On top of my argument, the files of electronic books are far from security as a wrong operation like an imprudent deletion probably can cause a destructive consequence.That is, you are nowhere to find your electronic books. Likewise, you can not study on condition that there is no electricity available,an incident which doesn't tend to happen on its counterpart in paper version.For example, on the night just before the big day for the term exam,you were busy preparing for the coming computer science class when the electricity abruptly was cut down. You may imagine the consequence yourself, you could not refer to the review outlines in your computer and hence you could do nothing but wish yourself good luck the next day.

    In addition, long time staring on a certain screen is substantially harmful to your eyes. You must have such an experience, after reading several articles on the electronic screen for hours, you can hardly open your eyes smoothly.If you do this quite often,you can have a tremendous decrease in your eyes sight.In contrast,we tend to read printed books under natural light or lamp,which is beneficial for our eyes.

   Last but not least, printed books usually serve the function of more than offering knowledge. Some books are of high reservation value while others,are likely to have addition meaning for you, like a symbol of friendship, or something else.For example,I attain  a book entitled<A Great Shark> from one of my best friends Jack when I was in high school.He sent the present to me on my 18 old birthday.The book have turned old and the paper have become yellow gradually.But I perish the book so much solely because everytime I catch sight of it or read it, the good old memory of intimacy between us flow to me and inspire me to be courageous in face of the difficulties in life.On the contrary, all the electronic books are highly standard, you can not even make your unique marks onto them. You can only differentiate them through the date you receive them.

   After my ruminating all the elements, the comparatively higher odds to lost electronic books, their great detriments to eyes and the multiple additional functions printed books can serve are all compelling reasons for the necessity of keeping the usage of printed book. Despite of the increasingly high speed at which science technology is developing,printed books will continue playing an significant role in our daily life just as it have done for thousands of years.

viviyl

Perhaps no issue is talked aboutas commonly as the advancement in science and technology throughout the world.As nowadays electronic books have been exploited more and more frequently, thetopic concerning whether in twenty years the printed book will encounterextinction has triggered an intense discussion. In my point of view, my answeris definitely no. Because printed books still have some merits that are notshared by the electronic ones and the latter ones also display some criticaldemerits.

    On top of my argument, the files of electronic books are far fromsecurity as a wrong operation like an imprudent deletion probably can cause adestructive consequence. (like后面接句子似乎不太好)That is,you are nowhere to find your electronic books. Likewise, you can not study oncondition that there is no electricity available(Kindle和Ipad啥的不是可以充电么= =), an incident which doesn't tendto happen on its(这里如果指代electronic books就应该用复数) counterpartin paper version. For example, on the night just before the big day for theterm exam, you were busy preparing for the coming computer science class whenthe electricity abruptly was cut down. You may imagine the consequenceyourself, you could not refer to the review outlines in your computer and henceyou could do nothing but wish yourself good luck the next day. (这一段是两个论点么？ Far from security 和 cannot use without electricity, 好像只论证了一个。)

    In addition, long time staring on a certain screen issubstantially harmful to your eyes. You must have such an experience, afterreading several articles on the electronic screen for hours, you can hardlyopen your eyes smoothly. If you do this quite often, you can have a tremendousdecrease in your eyes sight. In contrast, we tend to read printed books undernatural light or lamp, which is beneficial for our eyes.

   Last but not least, printed books usually serve the function ofmore than offering knowledge. Some books are of high reservation value whileothers, are likely to have addition meaning for you, like a symbol of friendship,or something else. For example, I attain(obtained，attain主要是达到的意思)  a book entitled<A GreatShark> from one of my best friends Jack when I was in high school. He sentthe present to me on my 18 old birthday. The book have(has)turned old and the paper have(has) become yellowgradually. But I perish the book so much solely because everytime(every time) I catch sight of it or read it, the goodold memory of intimacy between us flow to me and inspire me to be courageous inface of the difficulties in life. On the contrary, all the electronic books arehighly standard, you can not even make your unique marks onto them. You canonly differentiate them through the date you receive them. (个人觉得这个例子其实跟书的关系不大。。。应该找纸质书的普遍特征，比如具有收藏价值，这样好一点。)

   After my ruminating all the elements, the comparatively higherodds to lost electronic books, their great detriments to eyes and the multipleadditional functions printed books can serve are all compelling reasons for thenecessity of keeping the usage of printed book. Despite of the increasinglyhigh speed at which science technology is developing, printed books will continueplaying an significant role in our daily life just as it(they) have done for thousands of years.
论证还要清晰一点~例子要贴合一点~其他挺好

one9037476

4.9独立
Perhaps no issue is talked about as commonly as scientific development. Nowadays, as our country is becoming more and more powerful both politically and economically, topic concerning whether the government should support the scientific research despite of its seemingly few practical utilization value has triggered an intense discussion. In my point of view, the revenue of our country has not been that abundant and there's still tremendous education and public health expenditure to spend, nevertheless, taking all the elements into consideration, I strongly deem that it's a must to continue scientific research.

   On top of my argument, reflecting those scientific research in the past, we can easily find that many important scientific discovery which we view today is of great importance is meaningless under the specific historical period when they are undertaking. Take NewTon for example,  as is known to all,he set the classical mechanics. It is definitely significant in the current launch of aircrafts and satellites to set them into accurate orbit. However, at that time, his behaviour was viewed by people as something useless,with nothing to do with the secular life. After all, every one was occupied with sorts of affairs and no one cares questions like why apple jumped directly to the earth as it got mature. Hence, I'm confident that it's still worthwhile to seek advance in science as it  probably has magnificent reasonable and feasible application in the near future.

   In addition, there is no denying that the force of science and technology is a critical factor in national comprehensive force. And one of the leader Deng has ever said that "science and technology are the primary productive forces". And you will draw impressive lessons with a simple  reflect on the history of our country in the past several hundred year.For a long term, science and technology are not put into such a critical role by generations of emperors in power. When European scientists are engaged in figuring out the composition elements of a certain chemical, elites in China all are burning themselves in politics or literature.And after merely several hundred years, we were far fell behind other countries in the aspect of science, and clearly we were beaten in  most war against invading countries.

    Further more, indisputably it's of great necessity to combine the piece of efforts of all the government together to make human beings comprehend natural and universe more profound. A recent survey conducted by New York University indicates that when being asked whether they are desirable to shoulder the cost of surfing  the unknown world despite their comparatively low degree of being applicable, the majority give the positive response. Some government officials assume that the other countries’ efforts are enough to look into the unknown. Whereas, if every country think like this, no country is inspired to do so. Thus, every country should burden at least part of the responsibility to make human more scientifically advanced.   
   After my ruminating all the factors, the possible potential application, the urgency to improve our scientific competition force, and the significance of working for the welfare of all human beings are all compelling justifications for the necessity to continue the all the scientific research. As you know, the step foreward of science is endless.