新人来报道，一战511，谢谢大家帮忙改作文~~~

lihaolan

16 April 「Today」Independent Writing：Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?Nowadays, neighbors depend on each other less than the people in the past.



Almost for sure that we like to face with problems by ourselves in some cases, but the part of people may hold the view that we are becoming closer and closer not only in neighborhoods but also around the world, which is result（resulted） from our developing technology. So, do you ever feel your close neighborhood will never come back, since people live separately and become more and more independent. Well, at least for me, the answer is yes.（逻辑混乱开头。。人们喜欢自己解决问题，但是有些人说邻里关系更密切了因为科技发展。。。（这没有对比）因此，你有想过你的邻居会一去不复返么，（因此。和前面有什么因果么。。。）是的至少对我是这样。（有点没有逻辑。你因此可以换成however，前面对比在想想））

To begin with, as the increasing height of our building, there will be a lot neighboring problems that we have to deal with, so maybe that’s why we always put it away and try to make things by ourselves.（这句和这段关系有点突兀。你可以直接说邻居少才有可能互相依赖。）In the past, we depend （过去式）on each other, help each other, but one premise for this case is that there are only a few neighbors of us. For example, when I was young,my family lived in a only two-story building, every person in this building is（时态） familiar with another people, we eat（时态） together and share suffering and happiness, it’s nice to keep a harmony atmosphere with our neighbors. But now, the building we live in at least have（has） one hundred people, well, do you really want to encounter them one by one?（、。。你可以表述清晰点。因为邻居过多了现在，无法跟每个邻居互相depend。）

In addition, we are too busy to solve these stuff because everyone have（has） their （his or her）own work to do. In modern life, the meaning of home is to provide us a place to take a rest. After a busy day in the company or school, all I want to is to enjoy entertainment and relax myself but not chat with my neighbors. By holding this viewpoint, we （are）apart from each other,and finally make our neighborhoods（relation） such different from the past.

Last but not the least, it is the technology that makes us （become）stranger than in the past. Those people who think technology makes us closer cannot see what the intrinsic effect the technology bring（brings） to us. Admittedly, science makes us convenient to keep touch with friends and partners, but it is ridiculous to utilize computer to hold our neighbors together. If we all shut up our door and contact with each other by computer, we cannot see people’s real affection.（又有点混乱论证的。。电脑网络提供更多选择，所以人们不会再和邻居交往。就可以了。你论证有点混乱。）

All in all, for the reasons least（listed） above, we have to admit that we do not depend on neighbors like in the past. However, it is not mean we should not depend on each other,neighborhoods give us chance to sense emotion of people, and also improve our communication skills（最后一句。。可以不要。再总结下全文。）
是论证的问题。不是跑题。你分论点还好。或者说思路没问题。论证的问题。
还有时态语法

scartter

谢谢改作文的亲！！！^^

19 April「Today」Independent Writing：Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?Teachers' performance should be evaluted by students rather than by other teachers.


With the vigorous development of education, evaluating teachers’ performance is becoming an effective way to assess the level of education in a school. So,people hopes to figure out the best method to judge teacher’s teaching skills. For one thing, other teachers’ judgment is undoubted a broader assessment from different perspective; For another thing, feedback from students is also play a vital role when we evaluating teachers’ performance. As for me, students’ feedback is certainly a more significant consideration in this case.

To be gin with,Education is aim at students but not others. As the people who benefit most from education directly, the voice from students cannot be ignored. Take a example of mine to illustrate it, when I was in the high school,once my math teacher introduced a chemistry teacher for us, who is she favored of most. However, we students actually were not accustom to the teaching style of her, thus we got a very bad average grade at the test. Just as the saying goes, there are a thousand of hamlets in a thousand people’s eyes, teachers’ opinion cannot represent that in students. Accordingly, we cannot emphasize the importance of students’ feedback too much.

In addition,assessment from other teachers may be embrace a little bias then result in unfair in this case. There is no denying that teachers are always good friends, the idea will mixed with their merit in life or characters they behave, but which is with little matter in evaluating teaching skills. Also considering the instance above, the reason why my math teacher take the chemistry teacher for good is they are intimate friends in life. As a consequence, by involving other teachers’ thought into consideration, we will involving tendency too.

Last but not the least,even though we can see there are many advantages if we deal with evaluation with other teachers indeed, I also perceive that the consequence will be unclear since the factors, which impact the judgment, of teachers are different from students’. Aside from bias, those teachers who do the evaluation may hold the view that the content of a class is of great value, whereas students contend that the way teacher raise the knowledge is more essential. Various as they are, can we still weighing feedback from teachers more from students?

All in all, for the reasons listed above, an intact and cohesive evaluation of teachers should be brought by students rather than other teachers.

scartter

都没有人改吗。。。今天的亲能帮我把昨天的改了吗。。。谢谢。。。

Independent Writing：Do you agree or disagree with the following statement:Young people should try different jobs before they decide which job or career they will do in a long term.


We always long to find a job that the most suitable and promising for us, but what if we cannot figure it out directly? So,there is a raising issue about whether youth should dabble in different jobs before they determine which job they will do in a long term or not. Absolutely, when it comes to me, I choose try different fields before we decide what is the most career that we want to do.

     To begin with, our vivid knowledge setting make us more fit in the final job. As we know, with the rigorous development of technology, almost none of the project can be divided into a separate subject, embracing a large range of specialized knowledge will cultivate us into a synthetic elite. For example, one of the famous economists john Nash who is also a excellent mathematician, with the learning background of mathematics, he found the game theory, which also enable him receive the Nobel Prize. Thus we can see, possess distinct learning experience makes us qualified to a certain job.

     In addition, not all people can find the lifelong career belong to them as quick as expected. Why are we always complain about our current job? Of course the reason is finding a suitable job is not an easy thing. Since we lack of a clear cognition of our career plan, it is necessary and inevitable that we do take detours in our life. Take a friend of mine as an example, now he is a successful journalist, but before that, he ever worked in a technology company as electronic engineer, it is the job as engineer that makes him aware of he does not like it. So he decide to change to a totally different field--as a journalist. Finally, it turns out that he figure out his own career and distinguish himself. Accordingly, a lot of difficulties we should overcome before reaching lifelong job.

     Last but not the least, only when we come through such lots of setbacks before get the final job can we treasure it as the lifelong career. Every frustration we suffered will become the life wealth. Also learn from my friend, now he tell me the job in technology company makes him cherish to be a journalist. Therefore, maybe that’s why we think sunshine comes after the storm.

     All in all, according to the reasons listed above, I hold the view that trying diverse job can be a wise decision.

sherlock1992

奇怪，最近怎么人这么少呢？不会T都过了，在准备G吧？一阵紧迫感啊~~~中午帮你该，亲~

sherlock1992

scartter 发表于 2013-4-19 13:58
谢谢改作文的亲！！！^^

19 April「Today」Independent Writing：Do you agree or disagree with the foll ...

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?Teachers' performance should be evaluted by students rather than by other teachers.

With the vigorous development of education, evaluating teachers’ performance is becoming an effective way to assess the level of education in a school. So,people hopes(hope) to figure out the best method to judge teacher’s teaching skills. For one thing, other teachers’ judgment is undoubted(undoubtedly) a broader assessment from different perspective(perspectives); For another thing, feedbacks from students is also play(also play) a vital role when we evaluating teachers’ performance. As for me, students’ feedback is certainly a more significant consideration in this case.

To begin with,Education is aimed at students but not others. As the people who benefit most from education directly, the voice from students cannot be ignored. Take a example of mine to illustrate it, when I was in the high school,once my math teacher introduced a chemistry teacher for us, who is the teacher she favored of most. However, we students actually were not accustomed to the teaching style of her, thus we got a very bad average grade at the test. Just as the saying goes, there are a thousand of hamlets in a thousand people’s eyes, teachers’ opinion cannot represent that in students. Accordingly, we cannot emphasize the importance of students’ feedback too much.（感觉这个句子不利于对于主题的论证）

In addition,assessments from other teachers may be(maybe) embrace a little bias then result in unfair situation in this case. There is no denying that teachers are always good friends, the idea will be mixed with their merit in life or characters they behave, but(去掉） which is with little matter in evaluating teaching skills. Also considering the instance above, the reason why my math teacher takes the chemistry teacher for good is they are intimate friends in life. As a consequence, by involving other teachers’ thought into consideration, we will involving(involve) tendency too.

Last but not the(去掉） least,even though we can see there are many advantages if we deal with evaluation with other teachers indeed, I also perceive that the consequence will be unclear since the factors, which impact the judgment, of teachers are different from students’.(since the factors, which impact the judgment of teachers, are different from students') Aside from bias, those teachers who do the evaluation may hold the view that the content of a class is of great value, whereas students contend that the way teacher raise the knowledge (这种用法感觉不太合适）is more essential. Various as they are, can we (we can)still weighing(weigh) feedback from teachers more from students?

All in all, for the reasons listed above, an intact and cohesive evaluation of teachers should be brought by students rather than other teachers.

总结：1.注意语法 2.某些句型使用要谨慎 3.details要贴合主题。加油！！！

sherlock1992

scartter 发表于 2013-4-21 13:01
都没有人改吗。。。今天的亲能帮我把昨天的改了吗。。。谢谢。。。

Independent Writing：Do you agree or ...

We always long to find a job that is the(去掉）most suitable and promising for us, but what if we cannot figure it out directly? So,there is a raising issue about whether youths should dabble in different jobs before they determine which job they will do in a long term or not.（去掉） Absolutely, when it comes to me, I choose to try different fields before we decide what is the most suitable career that we want to do.

     To begin with, our vivid knowledge settings make us more fit in the final job. As we know, with the rigorous development of technology, almost none of the project can be divided into a separate subject, so embracing a large range of specialized knowledge will cultivate us into a synthetic elite. For example, one of the famous economists john Nash who is also a excellent mathematician,(去掉逗号） with the learning background of mathematics, he(去掉he, 这里found的主语应为JohnNash) found the game theory, which also enable him to receive the Nobel Prize. Thus we can see, possessing distinct learning experiences makes us qualified to a certain job.

     In addition, not all people can find the lifelong career belonging to them as quick as expected. Why are we always complaining about our current job? Of course the reason is finding a suitable job is not an easy thing. Since we lack of a clear cognition of our career plan, it is necessary and inevitable that we do take detours in our life. Take a friend of mine as an example, now he is a successful journalist, but before that, he ever worked in a technology company as electronic engineer, it is the job as engineer that makes him aware of(aware that) he does not like it. So he decide to change to a totally different field--as a journalist. Finally, it turns out that he figures out his own career and distinguishes himself. Accordingly, a lot of difficulties we should overcome before reaching lifelong job.  (这不是句子。。。）

     Last but not the(去掉） least, only when we come through such lots of setbacks before getting the final job can we treasure it as the lifelong career. Every frustration we suffered will become the life wealth. Also learn from my friend,(这种用法不对，learn的主语在哪里，需要用的时态呢？） now he tell me the job in technology company makes him cherish to be a journalist. Therefore, maybe that’s why we think sunshine comes after the storm.

     All in all, according to the reasons listed above, I hold the view that trying diverse job can be a wise decision.

scartter

29 April「Today」Independent Writing：选择稳定性高的工作好还是工资高但很可能失业的工作好？

Have you ever admired the person who have a high salary job but that job filled with risk to lose?Have you ever thought of before if you facing with two optional jobs,the first one is stable but less money than the other risky one,which one do you prefer?Well,if you never had such experience,you would never know the better answer is.But as for me,I would appreciate the risky one.
To begin with,everyone would admit the fact that the youth should have confidence to take risks.It is correctly said that we should try different kinds of jobs before we settle down.Being a college students,I am very agree with this assertion.Let me quote an example of my friend,who told me the experience that he have been through before he find what the job he interested in.My friend ever worked as a translator,which have high salary but the work time is separated and blur,but he feel exciting about it,he convince me that we should try different things before we decide to back to quite.So,how can we abandon the glamour of a risky job?
In addition,A person who has ever thought of this problem,almost for sure he will mention that the payment will attract him to apply the unstable job.It is true that we need to survive in such a society,which have rigorous economical development,money cannot be neglected.Just imagine our life would be like if we have a stable job but the salary is pretty low,we even can’t fulfill our basic living condition.So, why not accept the one with a high money?
Last but not the least,it is also likely that maybe the risky one is what we truly favored.Interesting can help us overcome all kinds of frustration.For instance,take a glance of Bill Gates,who give up his studies in Harvatd university and starting his own career,isn’t it a risky behaviour?Steve Jobs,who can easily switch to another occupation and have a blend life,why is he insist on technology career after he come through a lot of setbacks?Interesting does,it motivate us to take adventures and never say never in our stuff.Therefore,I do agree that we should follow our heart.
To put it in a nutshell,in fact,with all the aspect taken into consideration,I would fairly draw a conclusion that choose a risky job with high salary is better.


谢谢改作文的亲

one9037476

4.29独立。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。