TWE121（准备笔考作文）照模板弄了一篇 请大家改一下， 顺便评个分吧。

dengsida

121 Some people trust their first impressions about a person's character because they believe these judgments are generally correct. Other people do not judge a person's character quickly because they believe first impressions are often wrong. Compare these two attitudes. Which attitude do you agree with? Support your choice with specific examples.

There are some people who trust their first impressions about a person's character because they believe these judgments are generally correct, but others hold the opinion that do not judge a person's character quickly because they believe first impressions are often wrong. If I face with this issue, I would like to prefer the latter one. In the follow discussion, I will give some reasons and evidence to support my selection.

No issue is more important now than the one that people who do not have attractive appearances would loss opportunities in their lives. Numerous examples witness this point. For instance, during the time when I was in high school, one of my classmates, Mary, was an outstanding singer, yet not well-looking. She suffered a lot since she had never won a competition in which people with fascinating externals participated. Mary, instead of obtaining any chances to present and develop her singing skills, had to give up her dream to become a singer. Don’t you think this example quoted above is very persuasive?

Another head and chief reason is that judging people by their external appearances may probably result in the loss of persons with excellent expertise. It is no better illustration that can demonstrate the view. People have been better trained may not possess perfect appearances. If companies select their employees based on the first impressions about a person's character, they would not succeed in choosing the proper individuals to operate and progress the businesses. If you can see that, you can understand it more deeply.

The last reason that I would like to mention is that depending on appearances, one can hardly draw any conclusions about a person. As a result, evaluating people on the first sight can lead to the unfairness, which challenges the moral standards of society.

To sum up, given the reasons discussed above, which sometimes intertwine to form an organic whole and thus become more persuasive, we can safely arrive the conclusion that judging people by the first impression is definitely not correct。

[此贴子已经被作者于2004-12-5 11:02:17编辑过]

hncsxj

以下是引用dengsida在2004-12-4 16:54:00的发言：

121 Some people trust their first impressions about a person's character because they believe these judgments are generally correct. Other people do not judge a person's character quickly because they believe first impressions are often wrong. Compare these two attitudes. Which attitude do you agree with? Support your choice with specific examples.

There are some people who trust their first impressions about a person's character because they believe these judgments are generally correct, but others hold the opinion that do not judge a person's character quickly because they believe first impressions are often wrong. If I face with this issue, I would like to prefer the latter one. In the follow discussion, I will give some reasons and evidence to support my selection.

No issue is more important now than the one that people who do not have attractive appearances would loss opportunities in their lives. (试着将这句意译成中文，觉得有问题）Numerous examples witness this point. For instance, during the time when I was in high school, one of my classmates, Mary, was an outstanding singer, yet not well-looking. She suffered a lot since she had never won a competition in which people with fascinating externals participated. Mary, instead of obtaining any chances to present and develop her singing skills, had to give up her dream to become a singer.（与was an outstanding singer, 有点矛盾？） Don’t you think this example quoted above is very persuasive? （例子是外表与内涵，题目是第一印象，有点区别）

Another head and chief reason is that judging people by their external appearances may probably result in the loss of persons with excellent expertise. It is no better illustration that can demonstrate the view. People have been better trained may not possess perfect appearances. If companies select their employees based on the first impressions about a person's character, they would not succeed in choosing the proper individuals to operate and progress the businesses. If you can see that, you can understand it more deeply.

The last reason that I would like to mention is that depending on appearances, one can hardly draw any conclusions about a person. As a result, evaluating people on the first sight can lead to the unfairness, which challenges the moral standards of society.

To sum up, given the reasons discussed above, which sometimes intertwine to form an organic whole and thus become more persuasive, we can safely arrive the conclusion that judging people by the first impression is definitely not correct。

写得可以，墨板，句式运用熟练，轻松。5分-如果此模板没有被ets记录的话。我去年用它，考场上写得没有你好，5分。试着用些powerful words. 不过，语言虽好，文章逻辑有点弱。但ets不太关心这个。

dengsida

我稍微改了一下第二段请指点

It firstly comes to the fact that the one that people who do not have attractive appearances would loss opportunities in their lives. （我改了一下，是否好些？）Numerous examples witness this point. For instance, during the time when I was in high school, one of my classmates, Mary, has a talent for singing， yet not well-looking. She suffered a lot since she had never won a competition in which people with fascinating externals participated. Mary, instead of obtaining any chances to present and develop her singing skills, had to give up her dream to become a singer. Don’t you think this example quoted above is very persuasive? （例子是外表与内涵，题目是第一印象，有点区别）关于这点，我没什么眉目，请热心人帮我改一下行吗？ 谢谢了。

hncsxj

It is unfair for those people who loss many opportunities due to lack of attractive appearances. 这样好些？I　ａｍ　ｎｏｔ　ｓｕｒｅ