自己写的第一篇独立写作，求指导？谢谢大家

jiangnicong

 前几天才开始准备作文，不知道作文怎么样才叫好？现在对作文的理解几乎没有。今天花时间按照我习惯的套路写了一篇文章，但周围没有老师或高手帮我指导，所以求助大家，看看我的作文，指出我的不足，给出好的建议，感谢各位大牛的帮助了.谢谢！！！ 作文在下面：

35 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Attending a live performance (for example, a play, concert, or sporting event) is more enjoyable than watching the same event on television. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

Nowadays, people mainly relax themselves by attending a live performance or watching the same event on television. Naturally, question comes there that, based on these two ways, which one is more enjoyable?　Aiming at this point, I’d prefer to the live performance as it gives us a real experience, allows us to integrate into that atmosphere as well as a better understanding about the event.
Admittedly, watching the event on television also shows its impressive advantage. With numerous overhead cameras, we can easily catch all the wonderful scenes, while if we attend a live performance by person, however, we may be disturbed by many unexpected influences which might spring from a poor location or some inevitable noise. Nevertheless, although this view is widely held, the information I’ve collected clearly indicate that majority people are still prone to attending a live performance, so why is this? The following reasons might make a perfect justification.
Firstly, as an old saying goes, nothing can be more authentic than a real experience. That’s right a live performance tells us. It’s self-evident that only hands-on experience could give us a real feeling and leave us a deep impression. For example, I always put the memory involving seeing a shocked basketball game into oblivion while branding a hands-on vocal concert in my mind.
What’s more, attending a live performance can integrate us into its atmosphere. Take a soccer game as example, in this passionate field, the crowd roaring and waving like an ocean. Excited fans sing songs together for their favorable team. All of these scenes just put you into craze and mania, integrate you into this shocking situation, you can’t bear to follow their actions just without reason. Especially our team scores a goal, everyone leaps to their feet, this moment, no strangers, but all enjoyment.
Finally, attending a live performance makes you have a better understanding to the event. With a specific concert, you can only get the idea that how sweet and beautiful the singer’s sound and how consummate skills the singer possess from the TV. The only feeling we can express is compliments and admirations. However, when we are in the live performance, we can clearly see the singer’s soulful expression of the eyes, see the tremble of facial muscles, from it, we see the spirit of art, see the real devotion and dedication that is delivered by the musicians. Hands-on experience, we know how the musician present his understanding of the real art, thus to give us a symbol of spirit, of art. Here, supposing we are participating in the concert by TV, what can we get, nothing but for joy. But the joy, we all admit, may not be the source for a forever survival to the art.