新人报道，求大神牛牛们前来 指导，狠拍！！！

king0115

第一次写托福作文，求指导！

(1)    Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
It is not necessary for university students to attend classes as long as they can pass their examinations.


Have you ever worked with classmates? Have you ever learned how to be responsible person? Have you ever had a wonderful college life? If you have never had such experience, you would never know the importance of attend classes are the best part of your college life. Hence, in my opinion, I agree with the statement that students should attend classes even they can pass their examinations. My positions are based on a deep and fundamental analysis as discussed below.


To begin with, it can be easily proved that going to class gives students a chance to lean. If students do not attend classes, they will lose those opportunities to get more knowledge. For instance, professors usually provide additional knowledge to us in class, who teach me. Sometime professor arrange discussion between students so they could be able to explain their view about that particular topic. Students have to present seminar turn by turn, so by explaining any topic they can be more clear about that topic and if some students have doubt, student have to be ready to reply them so he or she trying to learn more and more. What’s more, Teacher can explain some topic by presenting documentary films so students can remember more clearly about that topic. Students who skip classes, however, will miss these opportunities to increase their knowledge.


In addition, another equally important aspect is that going class student can learn how to be responsible. Sometime students having assignment, they have to be alert to complete it till deadline. So they can learn to be punctual which will help in future job.


There are so many advantages like students can get more knowledge from professors, student can learn how to work with classmates and students would be responsible as well. And if students are not going to attend classes than they have knowledge only from books they don’t have chance to learn more from teacher and different qualities which they can get from classes.  To sum up, according to what I have discussed before, I reinforce my standpoint to choose students should be required to attend classes as my final choice.

berylbilee

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
It is not necessary for university students to attend classes as long as they can pass their examinations.


Have you ever worked with classmates? Have you ever learned how to be a responsible person? Have you ever had a wonderful college life? If you have never had such experience, you would never know the importance of attend classes are the best part of your college life.(主语不是attending classes哦~） Hence, in my opinion, I agree with the statement that students should attend classes even they can pass their examinations. My positions are （position指的是一个观点 position is）  based on a deep and fundamental analysis as discussed below.


To begin with, it can be easily proved that going to class gives students a chance to lean（learn）. If students do not attend classes, they will lose those opportunities to get more knowledge. For instance, professors usually provide additional knowledge to us in class, who teach me. Sometime professor arrange discussion between（for） students so（so that或者so前面加个逗号吧) they could be able to explain their view about that particular topic. Students have to present seminar turn by turn, so by explaining any topic they can be more clear about that topic and if some students have doubt, student(they) have to be ready to reply them so he or she trying to learn more and more( could get more undertandable knowledge). What’s more, Teacher can explain some topic(topics) by presenting documentary films so students can remember more clearly about that topic. Students who skip classes, however, will miss these opportunities to increase their knowledge.


In addition, another equally important aspect is that by going to class student can learn how to be responsible. Sometime students having assignment, they have to be alert to complete it till deadline. So they can learn to be punctual which will help in future job.


There are so many advantages like students can get more knowledge from professors, student can learn how to work with classmates and students would be responsible as well. And if students are not going to attend classes than(then) they have knowledge only from books.they don’t have a chance to learn more from teacher and different qualities(learn quality 不太妥）which they can get from classes. To sum up, according to what I have discussed before, I reinforce my standpoint to choose students should be required to attend classes （if it is necessary 和 if it is necessary to require还是有区别的)as my final choice.

注意so使用率太高了吧。therefore, thus, due to..都可以替换。还有不知道是不是笔误，很多句子结构很乱，比如一个句子完整了但紧接着另一个完整的句子，没有标点...句式有点单调了。通常是首尾然后加三段论证的~ 加油。

king0115

谢谢批改到现在我才发现这篇文章中 so 太多了~~加油

king0115

2.26 独立
今天这个话题刚开始的写的时候感觉蛮好写的，但是写着写着发现没东西说了~~~~求大神指导怎么增加字数啊？？？

Due to rapid growth of information technology, all aspects of our lives are being changed. Many people believe that people must work in the office. However, I don't think their point hold water. This is a very hasty decision, which we made lightly. Hence, in my opinion, I agree with the statement that working at home is better than in the office. To substantiate my standpoint, a deep and fundamental analysis is listed below.

To begin with, working at home is time-saving. According to a recent research on the Internet, nearly 70 percent of people spend more than one hour on the way to their offices. For example,my brother who lives far from his office, it costs her nearly two hours driving to work everyday. That is to say, most of people, when working from home, need not get up so early in the morning, be apprehensive about reaching the office on time. They can even spend more time on relax or sharing joys with their families. Actually, when people are not under pressure, they can focus more on their tasks and increase their productivity.

In addition, we are hearing a lot about protecting our environment. I think that work at home can be a great way to protect our nature. When people work from home, they need not use any means of transportation. Therefore, the number of cars on the street will be reduced, and less gas will be emitted into the atmosphere.

However, working from home can have disadvantages. A married employee working from home can be interrupted by his family. For example, his wife may ask him to do homework while he is preparing himself for an important meeting or his dog may bark too much while he is on the phone.

To put all in a nutshell, from my point of view, working at home have more advantages than disadvantages, since it saves our time, increases productivity, and protects our environment.

lihaolan

2.26独立
Due to rapid growth of information technology, all aspects of our lives are being changed. Many people believe that people must work in the office. However, I don't think their point hold water. This is a very hasty decision, which we made lightly.(这里不是decision，应该是conclusion。Which从句有点累赘。说点新的内容，可以说is filled with loopholes) Hence, in my opinion, I agree with the statement that working at home is better than in the office. To substantiate my standpoint, a deep and fundamental analysis is listed below.

To begin with, working at home is time-saving. According to a recent research on the Internet, nearly 70 percent of people spend more than one hour on the way to their offices. For example, my brother who lives far from his office, it costs her（brother。。。her。。。。） nearly two hours driving to work everyday. That is to say, most of people, when working from (at) home, need not get up so early in the morning and be apprehensive about reaching the office on time(late for office). They can even spend more time on relaxing or sharing joys with their families. Actually, when people are not under pressure, they can focus more on their tasks and increase their productivity.(pressure 可以说 contributes to creativity)

In addition, we are hearing a lot about protecting our environment.（in term of environment） I think that working at home can be a great way to(exert positive effect on protecting) protect our nature.（这里可以加一句protect environment 作用。It is widely acknowledged that once human ignore the protection of environment we will pay a heavy price） When people work from(at) home, they need not use any means of transportation. Therefore, the number of cars on the street will be reduced, and less gas will be emitted into the atmosphere.

However, working fromat home can have its disadvantages. A married employee working from home can be interrupted by his family. For example, his wife may ask him to do homework while he is preparing himself for an important meeting or his dog may bark too much while he is on the phone.(你这段就反了productivity。。。前后矛盾这样。。。)

To put all in a nutshell, from my point of view, working at home have（has） more advantages than disadvantages, since it saves our time, increases productivity, and protects our environment.（你文章只用了两段说三段的内容建议三段论分析）

文章的语法有些小问题，动名词，单三，分论点按两方面展开，怎样导致这种好处，这种好处怎么重要。。还有观点不要矛盾。你辩证一下的地方不要真的推翻自己的论证。。。。。

king0115

2.27 独立写作
The best way to learn a foreign country is to read newspaper and magazines from that country.

Many people believe that reading newspapers and magazines is the best way to learn a foreign country. However, I don't think their point hold water. This is a very hasty decision, which we made lightly. Hence, in my opinion, I agree with the statement that searching information on-line may be the best way for us to learn a foreign country. To substantiate my standpoint, a deep and fundamental analysis is listed below.

In the first place, it can be easily proved that the most convenient way of learning about foreign countries is by surfing the Internet. What’s more, there may be no contents relevant to the country you want to learn about in that newspapers and magazines. By inputting several key words, Google could tell you almost everything you wanted. Thus, compared with the Internet, newspapers and magazines seem kind of useless in offering information about foreign countries.

In addition, another equally important aspect is that you cannot find the latest information by reading newspapers and magazines. Because of magazines are usually published monthly, and newspapers are at most published daily. On the contrary, one can surf on the Internet whenever they like, and they will only get relevant information which is constantly being updated.

Last but not least, it is widely acknowledged that a person when he was in childhood, learning about a foreign country from newspapers and magazines seemed ridiculous as he had not been ready to read. The only way could he learn something about a foreign country like America is listening to his parents' daily conversation, or asking them directly about the country if he wanted to know.

To put all in a nutshell, from my point of view, I reinforce my standpoint to choose reading newspapers and magazines is not the best way to learn a foreign country as my final choice.

lihaolan

Many people believe that reading newspapers and magazines is the best way to learn a foreign country. However, I don't think their point holds water. This is a very hasty decision, which we made lightly. Hence, in my opinion, I agree with the statement that searching information on-line may be the best way for us to learn a foreign country. To substantiate my standpoint, a deep and fundamental analysis is listed below.（觉得文章的题目是问你同不同意那个是最好的方式。没有必要自己说。。。最好。可以说there are some better approaches to….）

In the first place, it can be easily proved that the most convenient way of learning about foreign countries is by surfing the Internet. What’s more, there may be no contents relevant to the country you want to learn about in that newspapers and magazines. By inputting several key words, Google could tell you almost everything you wanted. Thus, compared with the Internet, newspapers and magazines seem kind of useless in offering information about foreign countries.

In addition, another equally important aspect is that you cannot find the latest information by reading newspapers and magazines. Because of magazines are usually published monthly, and newspapers are at most published daily. On the contrary, one can surf on the Internet whenever they like, and they will only get relevant information which is constantly being updated.(你可以说外国报纸到达我们手上时候已经过时了。上面的论证不是很有力)

Last but not least, it is widely acknowledged that a person when he was in childhood, learning about a foreign country from newspapers and magazines seemed ridiculous as he had not been ready（able） to read. The only way could he learn something about a foreign country like America is listening to his parents' daily conversation, or asking them directly about the country if he wanted to know.

To put all in a nutshell, from my point of view, I reinforce（hold fast to） my standpoint to（that） choose（choosing） reading newspapers and magazines is not the best way to learn a foreign country as my final choice.

语法没有什么问题。对于模板运用没有定论。最好还是融入自己的风格。还有论证的时候集中在分论点的论述。不要偏离。逻辑性有的还需要加强