woshimind的作文贴 跪求狠hen's批!!!!

woshimind

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
It is not necessary for university students to attend classes as long as they can pass their examinations.

Learning is a long journey. A growing number of students have more assignments to do such as math parts preparation of GMAT and other preparation . Students can allot this time when attending those grasped courses to other things they focus on as time is money. Universities cannot take into the fact consideration that actually back up my perspective that students have no need to learn what they have grasped as long as they can pass their examinations.
 First and foremost, students have felt ever stressed than before. More and more things and courses have been assigned by their teachers. Sometimes they have not completed assignments  until the end of night . Actually, students can manage their time more wisely and effectively if they can not attend those courses as long as they can pass their examinations. For instance,students are not willing to attend the physic lecture by professor Micah as they are more interested in extracurricular or disliking the teacher’s way he instructs ,which can bring them more happiness and points. Students feel no aspiration if they are forced to attend classes they do not pay attention to .something can be done more significantly if someone are willing to do.
In addition, some students have great persevrance to study this course well and can pass final examinations by their own. For those students, , they may decide to allot time they would otherwise spend on the class and spend the time doing other study as they may think the lecture material is so easy to them. These students can do other things they find them challenging and can obtain sense of achievement the time they go through a important task. More importantly, students should do most important assignments or tasks especially at the busiest and most pressure-filled times of the semester.
Admittedly, students those who think them ne need to attend classes may miss opportunity to make friends in class since friends can be a source of self-esteem, affection, and good times in some sense. Apart from this, they also may recognise a potential teacher who can present boring materials in a clear and humorous manner that students cannot help finding them very interesting. However, we cannot deny the fact that students would rather doing most importany things rather than going to attend the lecture that they have one hundred confidence to pass final examination.

woshimind

sunchou

2.24 独立 修改
Learning is a long journey（感觉很舒服）. A growing number of students have more assignments to do such as math parts preparation of GMAT and other preparation . Students can allot this time when attending those grasped courses to other things they focus on as time is money. Universities cannot take into the fact consideration that actually back up my perspective that students have no need to learn what they have grasped as long as they can pass their examinations.
First and foremost, students have felt ever（more） stressed than before. More and more things and courses have been assigned by their teachers. Sometimes they have not completed assignments  until the end of night . Actually, students can manage their time more wisely and effectively if they can not attend those courses as long as they can pass their examinations. For instance,students are not willing to attend the physic lecture by professor Micah as they are more interested in extracurricular or disliking（dislike，当然这要看你并列什么了） the teacher’s way he instructs ,which can bring them more happiness and points（感觉这里的which可能产生歧义）. Students feel no aspiration if they are forced to attend classes they do not pay attention to .something can be done more significantly if someone are willing to do.
In addition, some students have great persevrance to study this course well and can pass final examinations by their own. For those students, , they may decide to allot time they would otherwise spend on the class and spend the time doing other study as they may think the lecture material is so easy to them. These students can do other things they find them challenging and can obtain sense of achievement the time they go through a important task. More importantly, students should do most important assignments or tasks especially at the busiest and most pressure-filled times of the semester.
Admittedly, students those who think them ne need to attend classes may miss opportunity to make friends in class（这句话漏了什么单词吧） since friends can be a source of self-esteem, affection, and good times in some sense. Apart from this, they also may recognise a potential teacher who can present boring materials in a clear and humorous manner that students cannot help finding them very interesting. However, we cannot deny the fact that students would rather doing most importany（important） things rather than going to attend the lecture that they have one hundred confidence to pass final examination.

总结：行文思路还是比较流畅的，理由充分，语法什么的都基本没有问题。
但是感觉太多长句了！！！各种从句更在后面，我感觉可以适当加上一些简单精炼的短句。

woshimind

Health is over wealth.doing sports can not only bring us much recreation but also keep our body in a good condition. For my part, i like to doing jogging everyevening because i feel very stressed through a whole day work and study. In this case, i would rather choose to do physical exercises rather than choosing watching a movie or reading an interesting book.
First and foremost,doing exercises in my community fitness club can make us make friends who have a liked hobby to me, which is very beneficial to development of future carrer. We can take our garden community fitness club ,as an illustration. I had never playing sports games when i was going to elementary school and i always choose to reading some magazine at home to seek a little pleasure the time when i got frastrated and tired in life .however, recently i am willing to choose to do exercises positively together with my buddy who was acquianted to me last time in the fitness club. I must not meet my friend , who can give me much encouragement when i am not energitic ,unless i often go to my community club. Sometimes he wakes me up to remind me to morning reading of english. You see, how pleasant and helpful it is since i am acquianted with my friend in sports club !
Moreover, doing exercises regularly can enhance our social skills and promote  development physically,morally, intellectually and aesthetically.apart from these, doing physical activities teach us some communicating arts, which may, in turn, influence habit behavior.this is high compared to those are reading a book or watching a movie alone. There is an old saying goes that a good habit can reap a good personality, a good personality can reap a good fortune. For instance, our students should actively participate in and play sports games as a team as it can motivate team-spirit building and happiness sharing with other members and as a result of enjoying a higher level of excitement and satisfaction. On the contrary, reading a book or watching a movie is a solitary experience involving a little interaction with others , which is so tedious.
Finally, exercises help people utilize their leisure time more constructively. People gain motor skills and other relevant traits like strength, flexibility and coordination. On the other hand, some books and programs on television end up making the viewers imitate bad habits which they see from the actors or read in the books. Since these groups of people lack time to release their stress, the chances of them developing bad habits is very high compared to those who engage in sports and exercises.
In a nutshell, doing exercises is much more beneficial than watching a movie or reading a book. Our bodies require regular exercises to make us remain active and healthy. A fit person is more productive in the workplace since he can effectively accomplish responsibilities, and can also be more relaxed after work because he is more actively involved with the nature or other people around him.

woshimind

Whether to work longer hours for three days in a week or to work shorter hours for five days in a week is a difficult decision, because each option has its own advantages and disadvantages. I would rather work longer hours three days a week.
First, working longer hours three days a week gives me four continued days for traveling. In fact, with four full days, it is easier for me to visit the famous sites of neighboring countries, such as India or Singapore. For example, last month I went to Kyoto, a city which is full of ancient and historical sites. Even though I stayed there for only four days, its dazzling array of ancient temples and exquisite gardens catched me.
Having a four day weekend that allows me to travel more often is a perfect plan for me. With only three working days in a week, traveling and learning about other cultures is just satisfactory. Working longer hours for three days in a week also helps me find four uninterrupted days to attend classes. In fact, with a schedule requiring five working days a week, it is difficult for me to arrange time to take courses. For example, I went to a drama workshop in Tokyo last year. It took me three continuous days to finish the workshop course. If I had to work five days a week, it would have been impossible for me to attend the workshop. Undoubtedly, a three-day work schedule has its obvious advantages.
Admittedly, many people believe that working shorter hours five days a week is a better option. First, if they work shorter hours during a day, they have more time to exercise daily. Second, shorter working hours during the day means a lighter workload and less stressful life. However, as a young man in my early twenties, I am very confident in my own health, because no matter how tired I am after work, I still make myself go jogging for twenty minutes in order to keep a good shape.
Therefore, when it comes to choosing between working longer hours three days a week and working shorter hours five days a week, I definitely choose the former without hesitation. This kind of work can help me to live a desiring life.

lihaolan

我作文写成六号的了。。。。--你将就改下把==

lihaolan

Whether to work longer hours for three days in a week or to work shorter hours for five days in a week is a difficult decision, because each option has its own advantages and disadvantages. I would rather work longer hours three days a week.
First, working longer hours three days a week gives me four continued days for traveling. In fact, with four full days, it is easier for me to visit the famous sites of neighboring countries, such as India or Singapore. For example, last month I went to Kyoto, a city which is full of ancient and historical sites. Even though I stayed there for only four days, its dazzling array of ancient temples and exquisite gardens catched(caught) me.
Having a four day weekend that allows me to travel more often is a perfect plan for me. (开头直接摆出本段论点。Enables me to take courses in leisure time)With only three working days in a week, traveling and learning about other cultures is just satisfactory. Working longer hours for three days in a week also helps me find four uninterrupted days to attend classes. In fact, with a schedule requiring five working days a week, it is difficult for me to arrange time to take courses. For example, I went to a drama workshop in Tokyo last year. It took me three continuous days to finish the workshop course. If I had to work five days a week, it would have been impossible for me to attend the workshop. Undoubtedly, a three-day work schedule has its obvious advantages.
Admittedly, many people believe that working shorter hours five days a week is a better option. First, if they work shorter hours during a day, they have more time to exercise daily. Second, shorter working hours during the day means a lighter workload and less stressful life. However, as a young man in my early twenties, I am very confident in my own health, because no matter how tired I am after work, I still make myself go jogging for twenty minutes in order to keep a good shape.
Therefore, when it comes to choosing between working longer hours three days a week and working shorter hours five days a week, I definitely choose the former without hesitation. This kind of work can help me to live a desiring life.

文章语法没什么问题，就是举例的问题，最好举例举自身的例子指举一次，要不然会审美疲劳。分论点最好多加一段，充实下文章。还有，enjoyable。题眼最好在文章中体现，traveling给你怎么样的感觉， taking course。。。

woshimind

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Most people often let others make decisions for them rather than
make decisions by themselves.

Making decisions by ourselves is honest. Letting other people make decisions for us is not well as depending ourselves as our own life road belongs to ourselves ,which ,of course, can give us full confidence to say yes or no to ourselves. Hence i strongly believe advantages of making decisions by ourselves outweigh having other friends make decisions for us.
To start with, only through determining some choice by ourselves can we obtain a satisfactory result. We can take Minhong Yu ,who is the CEO of New Oriental English,as an illustration. He started his business by instructing students in a small classroom. Apart from teaching,he even distribute advertised fliers to every near living community in Beijing although he may feel tired in the day even rain and snow is pouring outside. Unfortunately, he cannot go smoothly in running a class no matter how he worked hard in that year. However,god is always giving presents to those who are prepare fully for some goal. To be laughed by others, to be abandoned by the world, to be defeated by successful classmates is to become a priceless assets to her because he still holds on a decision he had made no matter how the circumstance is changed. In the end, he successfully run a English-teaching school in Beijing by sticking to his own sound decision as an famous saying goes that one’s achievement is accreditted to their own determination and great executive power. I cannot agree with this saying, by Minhong Yu, any more.
More importantly,we can get more happiness by ourselves. For instance, i always view many photo putted on the webside that related to intriduction of some places of interests when i plan to travel through some cities. Compared to those beautiful pictures in the internet, i am willing to catch many beautiful moments by myself as this way can not only bring me sense of on the way but also leaving us many unforgettable moment by my own photos. You cannot access to those sense of hardworking unless you don’t decide something by yourselves. So you can see how important and meaningful making decisions by yourselves is!
Finally, modern world comes with the revolution of human rights.most people can listen to theri own heart and then make wise decision freely.
These reasons make me choose a road by ourselves rathen than let others make decisions for ourselves.

深水猫

Making decisions by ourselves is honest. Letting other people make decisions for us is not (as)well as depending ourselves as(,since) our own life road belongs to ourselves (可能把你的句意曲解了，不过我没有很懂),which ,of course, can give us full confidence to say yes or no to ourselves. Hence i strongly believe（that） advantages of making decisions by ourselves outweigh having other friends make decisions for us.
To start with, only through determining(determine 和choice 搭配不合适吧，好像只有make 可以) some choice（s） by ourselves can we obtain a satisfactory result. We can take Minhong Yu ,who is the CEO of New Oriental English,as an illustration. He started his business by instructing students in a small classroom. Apart from teaching,he even distribute advertised fliers to every near living community (nearby)in Beijing
although he may feel tired in the day even rain and snow is pouring outside. Unfortunately, he cannot go smoothly in running a class no matter how he worked hard in that year(industrious he worked ). However,god is always giving presents to those who are prepare fully for some goal(s). To be laughed by others, to be abandoned by the world, to be defeated by successful classmates is to(,all this experience) become a priceless assets to her because he still holds on a decision he had made no matter how the circumstance is changed. In the end, he successfully run a English-teaching school in Beijing by sticking to his own sound decision (. Just)as an(a) famous saying goes that(,) one’s achievement is accreditted to their own determination and great executive power. I cannot agree with this saying, by Minhong Yu, any more.
More importantly,we can get more happiness by ourselves. For instance, i always view(browse) many photo putted on the webside(websites) that related to introduction of some places of interests(tourists attractions) when i plan to travel through some cities. Compared to those beautiful pictures in the internet, i am willing to catch many beautiful moments by myself as this way can not only bring(s) me sense of on the way but also leaving(leaves) us many unforgettable moment by my own photos. You cannot access to those sense of hardworking unless you don’t decide something by yourselves. So you can see how important and meaningful making decisions by yourselves is(are)!
Finally, modern world comes with the revolution of human rights.most people can listen to their(their) own heart and then make wise decision freely.
These reasons make me choose a road by ourselves rathen(rather) than let others make decisions for ourselves(me).


没有什么太大的问题，有些用词上可以再地道一些，第一段太长第三段太短了，还有就是有些句子太长了，读起来比较吃力，可以分成几个句子，或者用点不定从句什么的。。。加油！

改变

Do you agree ordisagree with the following statement?
Most people often let others make decisions for themrather than
make decisions by themselves.

Making decisions by ourselves is honest(这个honest的用法 不是很确定啊 做可靠的讲？). Lettingother people make decisions for us is not well as depending ourselves as ourown life road belongs to ourselves ,which ,of course, can give us fullconfidence to say yes or no to ourselves（这句话看着很奇怪读了好几遍才懂感觉把这句话的意思分开来说。Which之后的用一个简单句表示。。 另外这两个as的意思不同 所以建议换成since什么的 也能减少重复）. Hence i（I） strongly believe advantages of making decisions by ourselves outweighhaving other friends make decisions for us.(对比出现错误了advantage of outweigh that of 比较好)
To start with, only through determining some choice by ourselves can weobtain a satisfactory result. We can take Minhong Yu ,who is the CEO of NewOriental English,as an illustration. （感觉taking… as an example 或是inllustration更简练 ）He started his business by instructing students in a small classroom.Apart from teaching,he even distribute advertised fliers to every near livingcommunity（every communities around） in Beijing although he may feel tired in the day even rain and snow is pouringoutside. (还是之前的问题 一句话中的内容太多有点让你们读不过来的感觉 建议多使用并列句 减少从句的数量 )Unfortunately, he cannotgo smoothly in running a class no matter how he worked hard（how hard he worked） in that year.However,god is always giving presents to those who are prepare fully for some goal(不确定 用的对不对 在网上搜也没有找到 是固定用法么？). To be laughed by others, to be abandoned by the world, to be defeated bysuccessful classmates （tobe 有目的和将来的意思 不建议这么使用实在是想用这个结构就用being吧）is to become a priceless assets to herbecause he still holds on a decision he had made no matter how the circumstanceis changed（过去时）. In the end, he successfully run a English-teaching school in Beijing bysticking to his own sound decision as an famous saying goes that one’s achievement is accreditted to their own determination and greatexecutive power. I cannot agree（more） with this saying, by Minhong Yu, anymore.
More importantly,we can get more happiness by ourselves. For instance,i(I 之后的省略了) always view many photoputted on the webside that related to intriduction （introduction）of some places of interests when iplan to travel through some cities. Compared to those beautiful pictures in theinternet（比较对象不对。。）, i am willing to catchmany beautiful moments by myself as this way can not only bring mesense of on the way (不明白)but also leaving（leave） us many unforgettable moment by my own photos. You cannot access to thosesense of hardworking unless you don’t decide something by yourselves. So you can see how important andmeaningful making decisions by yourselves is!
Finally, modern world comes with the revolution of human rights.mostpeople can listen to their own heart and then make wise decision freely.
These reasons make me choose a road by ourselves rathen(rather)than let others make decisions for ourselves.

建议多看看范文同时感觉在贴到cd上之前 自己可以先改改一些明显的错误比如让word进行一些拼写检查什么的。。。

加油！