深水猫的作文贴 作文21分的渣滓准备二战，新人，求狠批，本人系小M...

lihaolan

It’s widely acknowledged that gentle and polite behavior is one of the most basic disciplines of social etiquette, and people who always perform wildly are tent（tend）to be evaluated(regarded更适合) as a disgusting or even hazardous individual.However, it’s（ is it ）really the case? The information I’ve collected from my own experience leads me to believe that “impolite person” are sometimes denigrated.

First and foremost, according to the psychologists, individuals, especially adolescents, tend to perform aggressive or even impolite, to their families, friends or dates in order to release unpleasant emotions, and this behavior is claimed to be one of the most effective ways to avoid future violent conflicts. As this theory goes, the negative emotions, which are repressed consciously, will no fade but accumulate until the final explosion. We all have heard about this sort of news, which tells a modest and industrious officer unexpectedly conducted a violent crime, while a wild and jobless young man is finally demonstrated to be integrity. Everyone who is under pressure needs an outlet and some slightly rude behaviors can avert future crimes.表达上连词使用多样化，and不适于经常用

Furthermore, in some situations, certain impolite behavior is an approach to demonstrate close relationship. The （this） phenomenon is prevalent in many cultures. An employee tent（tends）to perform more politely and cautiously when communicates with superiors instead of his friends. A recent research conducted by Boson University indicates that a large percentage of the subjects claim that they （改成human）have the inclination to conduct some impolite behaviors, such as speaking rudely, only along with the most intimate friends. So next time, when a widely acknowledged gentleman begins to perform impolite with you, a wonderful friendship is probably around the corner.

However, too many impolite behaviors may demolish your social image. Most of people are tent(incline) to have unpleasant association with someone who frequently disrupt the most basic rules and regulations. As an example, the majority of us are reluctant to contact with someone who always drives recklessly or jump a queue. Furthermore, children with parents who regularly perform improper are more likely to be involved in juvenile delinquency.(最好再论述中心。因为题目是问有没有一个合适的理由对于conduct rudely)

From what has been discussed above, it’s irrational to reach the conclusion that all impolite behavior should be criticized, while the education about etiquette among adolescents should not be ignored

楼主想说的是tend 不是tent。。。这要注意。文章很多地方都错了。Tend用太多可以变换，are prone to，incline，have a tendency of。。多样化表达

作者语法没有什么问题，用词也挺不错的，就是注意一些小错误，积累固定搭配。文章破题最好是3段支持，一段辩证，但是也需要分题目讨论

深水猫

2.19 独立
It’s a growing tendency for universities and institutes to place more emphasis on the improvement of student’s diet quality while ignore basic facility that are indispensable for social activities. However, this viewpoint is now being question by growing number of educational experts. For my part, it’s equally important to improve both the social activities facility and the diet quality, as the following reasons.

First and foremost, interpersonal skill is one of the most fundamental abilities that the university should impart their students, in order to put them in favorable positions in future job market. And the social activities, which demand finical and political support from campus authorities, is the most effective and accessible approach to achieve this goal. As an example, when I was in high school, my classmate and I organized an art club, where all students can participate in and give a talk about their favorite art works. In the process, the students can cultivate both interpersonal and organizing ability, for they have organized and participated in the activities by themselves.

Furthermore, social activities are also a measure to alleviate pressure of students. It’s widely acknowledged that students are facing many sorts of stress from school work, peer pressure and depressed job market. As a result, social activities, such as parties and group sports are likely to be the only available approach to vent. According to a recent research conducted by Boston University, large percent of the subjects, a group of university students who suffer from depression, feel a great relief after a series of social activities. Consequently, any university that is concerned with the student’s psychological soundness should spare no effort to support social activities.

However, the significance of health diet, which contributes directly to student’s physical fitness shouldn’t be ignored. No matter what kind of activities, including the academic and social ones, are based on physical fitness. For example, I just cannot imagine a student who is out of health could perform brilliant in class or parties. Consequently, the expenditure of health diet cannot be curtailed for any reasons. Any university, who is blind to this point, will pay a heavy price.

From what has been discussed above, I’m firmly convinced that support for social activities and health diet are identically essential for students, and it’s strongly recommended for university to pay more attention to both side

sunchou

It’s a growing tendency for universities and institutes to place more emphasis on the improvement of student’s(students') diet quality while ignore basic facility(facilities) that are indispensable for social activities. However, this viewpoint is now being question（questioned） by a growing number of educational experts(edunatinists). For my part, it’s equally important to improve both the social activities facility and the diet quality, as the following reasons(?这句话不完整).
First and foremost, interpersonal skill is one of the most fundamental abilities that the university should impart their students, in order to put them in favorable positions in future job market. And the social activities, which demand finical（financial） and political support from campus authorities, is(are) the most effective and accessible approach to achieve this goal. As an example, when I was in high school, my classmate and I organized an art club, where all students can participate in and give a talk(speech) about their favorite art works. In the process, the students can cultivate both interpersonal and organizing ability, for(for好像不是很正式吧) they have organized and participated in the activities by themselves.

Furthermore, social activities are also a measure to alleviate pressure of students. It’s widely acknowledged that students are facing many sorts of stress from school work, peer pressure and depressed job market. As a result, social activities, such as parties and group sports are likely to be the only available approach to vent. According to a recent research conducted by Boston University, large percent of the subjects, a group of university students who suffer from depression, feel a great relief after a series of social activities(这里用过去时好点). Consequently, any university that is concerned with the student’s psychological soundness should spare no effort（efforts） to support social activities.

However, the significance of health(healthy) diet, which contributes directly to student’s physical fitness shouldn’t be ignored. No matter what kind of activities, including the academic and social ones, are based on physical fitness. For example, I just cannot imagine a student who is out of health(out of condition) could perform brilliant(brilliantly) in class or parties. Consequently, the expenditure of health(healthy) diet cannot be curtailed for any reasons. Any university, who is blind to this point, will pay a heavy price.

From(according to 可能要好点) what has been discussed above, I’m firmly convinced that support for social activities and health diet are identically essential for students, and it’s strongly recommended for the university to pay more attention to both side（sides）

总结：
按照文章的整体规划来看，结构是很清楚的，逻辑联系也是很紧密的。
但是我觉得有些简单的单词和语法错误需要避免，同时也要尽量使用书面语言，避免口语词汇的出现。还有一个小小的疑问：这种文章可以说两个都支持吗？感觉一般都只说支持一个吧。。。。。

深水猫

还有一个小小的疑问：这种文章可以说两个都支持吗？感觉一般都只说支持一个吧。。。。。

-- by 会员 sunchou (2013/2/20 13:45:27)

似乎曾经见过有人这样写。。。我也不是很确定。。。能不用就不用吧。。。

深水猫

2.21 独立
The majority of us might have heard about the viewpoint hold by some sociologists that young people today are becoming indifferent and reluctant to give assistances to others. However, is it really the case? The information I have collected over recent years leads to me believe that young people today are more likely to help others than in the past.

First and foremost, along with the dramatically progress in social productivity and living quality of citizens, juniors now are more competent to help others than in the past. Here is a case in point. When I was a child, it was a formidable task for my parents each month to make ends meet. For that reason, my allowance is so finite that it’s almost impossible for me to help other impoverished people. Oppositely, as the society move forward, juniors today possess much more resource as well as enough abilities so that they are capable of helping others.

What’s more, there is growing number of volunteer organizations that engage in planning, organizing and executing commonweal activities, which are able to guide juniors to help others. According to a recent survey conducted by Boston University among university graduates, the majority of the subjects claimed that they have participated in at least one volunteer activity organized by school or government during their student life. Consequently, with effective guidance, juniors today enjoy more opportunities to help others than in the past.

Finally, the education juniors acquired now tends to place more emphasis on the concept that we are responsible to help others in need. Furthermore, polices and public media are also conveying this perspective, which has been  instilled into the moral value of juniors effectively. As an example, curriculum of primary school today contains several courses that are related to moral value, the course are absent in the primary-level education several decades ago. Therefore, along with appropriate education, juniors today are more self-conscious to help others.

From what has been discussed above, we can safely draw the conclusion that juniors today are more willing to assist others than in the past, and it’s strongly recommended that government take proper measures to encourage citizens to help mutually.

深水猫

2.25 独立
Students can get as many benefits from organization or club activities as they can get from their academic studies.

There’s a growing tendency for educational experts to equate the significance of social activities, such as organization or club, with that of academic studies. Nothing, a handful of them even maintain, is more essential than social activities for juniors who are yearning for some achievements in further career. However, is it really the case? The information I have collected over last few years leads me to believe that we tend to overestimate the roles that social activities play.

First and foremost, the benefits that students acquire from social activities differ from what they obtain from academic studies. Consequently, it’s irrational to expect the students to become a fully-educated adult merely through social activities. Here is a case in point. When I was in my first year of high-school, my friends and I launched a spinning club, which possess me so much time and energy that I had less time to study. Although I benefit a lot from the organization, the deficiency on academic knowledge cannot be wiped out. Therefore, we just cannot simply replace academic studies with social activities, because they are equally vital for students’ developments.

What’s more, the basic knowledge and skills they acquire from academic studies are the foundation for successful social activities. As an example, if a student wants to organize a club or a party, the knowledge from management, business or even psychology class are all favorable in order to plan, organize and execute the activity triumphantly. Consequently, academic studies and social activities can assist mutually, and anyone who wants to realize his ambitions cannot be blind to both sides.

Finally, with regard to students who domain in theoretical realms, what they acquire from social activities, such as interpersonal skills and organizational ability will not actually put them in a favorable position in future career. According to latest data from Boston University, the majority of its graduates who major in theoretical disciplines such as astronomy or physics chose to become professors or researchers and stayed in university for their further researches. In consideration of this sort of students, the skills that can be obtained from social activities are of less value than academic studies.

From what has been discussed above, we can safely draw the conclusion that academic studies are more fundamental than social activities for students, and it is unreasonable for university lay too much emphasis on social activities while overlook the significance of academic studies.

深水猫

2.27独立

The best way to learn a foreign country is to read newspaper and magazines from that country.
What is the best way to learn a foreign country? This is an issue that is widely concerned by both government leaders and average citizens. The print media, such as newspaper and magazines, used to be the optimal choice, however, along with the progress in society and technology, a series of problems expose, and the traditional media are bond to be substituted by novel intermediates eventually. My reasons are listed below:

First of all, the print media, along with their long history, have built up a subtle but stable relationship with the government, this relationship, however, is restraining the newspapers and magazines’ ability to cover things objective and balanced. As we all know, during the election campaign, the print media are one of the principle battlefields for all candidates. The leading newspapers, such as the New York Times, decide where they stand and selectively cover positive information of single Party they support. Consequently, the political inclination of the print media makes it unreliable for presenting an authentic image of a country.

What’s more, since the profits of a newspaper or magazine are mainly determined by its circulation, it is prone to blow things out of proportion to attract readers. In addition, some print media even produce gossip artificially, because the scandals and rumors are relatively amusing than serious current affairs. One of the typical cases is the recent series of scandals from BBC, whose journalists were accused to fabricate news and mislead the public. Therefore, many citizens are losing confidence for printed media and turning to other intermediates.

Finally, even without trust crisis, the print press is no longer the best choice for us since the cutting-edged information technology has provided us refreshing option, the electronic media. The print press is constrained by several inborn drawbacks as it originated. As an example, even the daily newspapers have publishing intervals, meaning that the news on it is not the latest one actually. Oppositely, the electronic media, which are able to be renewed at any time and access via portable terminals, such as smart phone, have totally gotten rid of this problem and even cost free. Consequently, it is handier and thriftier to learn the foreign news by electronic media rather than the traditional ones.

From what has been discussed above, we can safely draw the conclusion that the printed media, such as newspaper and magazines are not the best option to learn about foreign countries for its existing problems.

改变

红色错误或建议 高亮精彩
The best way to learn a foreign country is to read newspaper and magazines from thatcountry.

What is thebest way to learn a foreign country? This is an issue that is widely concernedby both government leaders and average citizens（很好的用法啊 学习了）. The printmedia, such as newspaper and magazines, used to be the optimal choice,however, along with the progress in（of） society and technology, a series of problems expose, andthe traditional media are bond（bound） to be substituted by novel intermediates(这个用法没有查到 感觉media更保险一点吧) eventually. My reasons are listed below:

First of all, the printmedia, along with their long history, have built up a subtle but stable relationship with the government,this relationship, however, is restraining the newspapers and magazines’ability to cover（release） things objective and balanced.(观点犀利) As we all know, during the election campaign,the print media are one ofthe principle battlefields for all candidates. The leading newspapers,such as the New York Times, decidewhere they stand and selectively cover positive information of single Partythey support. Consequently, the political inclination of the print media makes it unreliable forpresenting an authentic image of a country.
（这一段写的真的太好了）
What’s more, since theprofits of a newspaper or magazine are mainly determined by its circulation, it is prone to blow things outof proportion to attract readers.（这个好 我上网查这个词的用法 第一条就是这个意思） In addition, some print media even produce gossip artificially,because the scandals andrumors are relatively amusing than serious current affairs. One of thetypical cases is the recent series of scandals from BBC, whose journalists wereaccused to fabricate newsand mislead the public. Therefore, many citizens are losing confidence for（介词应该是in 吧） printed media and turning to otherintermediates.

Finally, even without trust crisis（强。。。。。）, the print press is no longer the best choice for us sincethe cutting-edged(Cutting-Edge就行)informationtechnology has provided us（with） refreshing option, the electronic media. The print pressis constrained by severalinborn drawbacks as it originated. As an example, even the daily newspapers havepublishing intervals, meaning that the news on it is not the latest oneactually. Oppositely, theelectronic media, which are able to be renewed at any time and access viaportable terminals, such as smart phone, have totally gotten rid of thisproblem and even cost free. Consequently, it is handier and thriftier to learn the foreignnews by electronic media rather than the traditional ones.

From what has beendiscussed above, we can safely draw the conclusion that the printed media, suchas newspaper and magazines are not the best option to learn about foreigncountries for its existing problems.


感觉确实文章写的太好了 各种句式 短语 有举例有论证….
自己实力有限 只能改一点语法和笔误了
能给一点技巧么 感觉你用的句子很美式 没有chinenglish的痕迹 而且很多的短语用的真是很到位 我之前都不知道 google一下才发现确实是这种用法。。。。
加油！！

深水猫

It's more important for government to spend money to build art museums and music performance center than to build recreational facilities (such as swimming pool, playgrounds)



What are the most pivotal facilities in a community, which governments should dedicate more money to? This is a question that has caused wide public concerned by both authorities and average citizens. For my part, it’s worthwhile to allocate more capital to recreational facilities, such as swimming pool and playgrounds rather than artistic projects, such as art museums and music performance center. My reasons are listed below.



First of all, differing from artistic projects, a large percent of which are organized by private organizations and profit from ticket revenue, the recreation facilities are conventional supported by governments and cost-free for local residents. Consequently, the public recreational facilities even can’t survive without constant sponsorship. A playground, for example, which is accessible for at least thousands of residents, has various expenditures, such as maintenance fee and staff compensations and very little, if any, income. Therefore, the public recreational facilities are more urgent for financial support.



Furthermore, recreational facilities are an indispensable portion of infrastructure, which are necessary for all residents. The artistic projects, oppositely, are only essential for highly-educated folks, who are relatively minority. According a recent survey conducted by Boston University among families in various income levels, the majority of subjects indicate to have a habit of working out in playgrounds or gyms while only small part visit music performance center regularly. Consequently, since the government are supposed to give the priority to the wide public benefits, it’s more significant to invest capital in recreational facilities.



Finally, recreational facilities play a crucial role in the mental and physical development of minors, which is one of the most essential goals of government leaders. Educator and parents today are beginning to put more premiums on students’ extra-curricular exercise for their physical soundness. Students, who have spend a whole drab day in the classroom need a place to relax and release stress, and the recreational facilities in the community, such as swimming pool and playground, would be the optimal option. When I was a child, it used to be the best moment of a day when I played sports with my friends in the playground. Hence, any government leader, who is concerned about the new generation, shouldn’t be blind to the recreational facilities.



From what has been discussed above, I am fully convinced that recreational facilities are so crucial that every government should hold fast to. It is highly recommended that authorities invest more capital on such programs.

改变

It's moreimportant for government to spend money to build art museums and musicperformance center than to build recreational facilities (such as swimmingpool, playgrounds)



What are the most pivotal facilities in a community, whichgovernments should dedicatemore money to? This is a question that has caused wide public concerned(concern) by both authorities and average citizens. Formy part, it’s worthwhile to allocate more capital to recreational facilities,such as swimming pool and playgrounds rather than artistic projects, such asart museums and music performance center. My reasons are listed below.



First of all, differing from artistic projects, a large percent of which are organizedby private organizations and profit from ticket revenue(and 之后的能够理解到那时好像语法上不太对 make profit by ticket sales), the recreation facilities are conventional supported bygovernments and cost-free for local residents. Consequently, the publicrecreational facilities even can’t survive without constant sponsorship. Aplayground, for example, which is accessible for at least thousands ofresidents, has various expenditures, such as maintenance fee and staffcompensations and (转折了 用个while什么的吧 并且income与 之前的expenditure 不是一类的所以 还是另起一句吧)very little, if any, income. Therefore, the publicrecreational facilities are moreurgent for financial support.



Furthermore, recreational facilities are an indispensable portion of infrastructure,which are necessary for all residents. The artistic projects, oppositely, are only essential forhighly-educated folks, who are relatively minority. According a recentsurvey conducted by Boston University among families in various income levels,the majority of subjects indicate to have a habit of working out in playgroundsor gyms while only small part visit music performance center regularly.Consequently, since thegovernment are supposed to give the priority to the wide public benefits,it’s more significant to invest capital in recreational facilities.



Finally, recreational facilities play a crucial role in themental and physical development of minors, which is one of the most essential goals of governmentleaders. Educator and parents today are beginning to put more premiums onstudents’ extra-curricular exercise for their physical soundness. Students, who have spend a whole drab day in theclassroom （，）need a place to relax and release stress, andthe recreational facilities in the community, such as swimming pool andplayground, would be the optimal option. When I was a child, it used to be thebest moment of a day when I played sports with my friends in the playground.Hence, any government leader, who is concerned about the new generation, shouldn’t be blind to therecreational facilities.



From what has been discussed above, I am fully convincedthat recreational facilities are so crucial that every government should holdfast to. It is highly recommended that authorities invest more capital on suchprograms.

文章总体很好的 有一些小的错误应该是写的比较匆忙造成的 不影响大体的良好的情况

一如既往的清晰的思路 和句法词法的多样性 加油 学习了