麻煩請幫我改一下這篇TWE030

farbaby

麻煩請各位給予批評與指教,可以的話,請順便告知這樣的作文大概能拿幾分,感謝^^

30. It has recently been announced that a new high school may be built in your community. Do you support or oppose this plan? Why? Use specific reasons and details in your answer.

     Some people think that it is a wise idea to build a new high school in my community. From my point of view, I support to the plan. There are numerous reasons why I hold the opinion above, and I will explain one of the important ones as follows.

     To begin with, the installation of a high school can benefit the students in my community. The high school here can provide the students another option for filling their enrollments. Therefore, it can bring a venue to offset the pressure of continued education, and reduces teenage delinquency.

     In addition, the high school can bring educational and recreational place. The facilities of the high school can be opened to public access. For example, the library, basketball courts, swimming pool, and the student hall can also allow community residents more educational and recreational choice. Furthermore, the classrooms of the high school can be opened for community education in language, computers, home economics among other vocational skill training, and it is another way to integrate school teaching with community education.

     Last but not least, the high school can improve the general environment around the school. The high school will draw the government’s attention to improve such as the adjacent roadways and car parking. For instance, the fact that stores, eateries, and convenient stores will soon spring up around the school will also prosper the community.

     According to the reasons that I presented above, it is easy to arrive the conclusion that the high school can benefit the students, bring educational and recreational place, and improve the general environment around the school. Therefore, I fully support to the plan that build a new high school in my community.

blackcoffee

     Some people think that it is a wise idea to build a new high school in my community. From my point of view, I support to the plan. There are numerous reasons why I hold the opinion above, and I will explain one of the important ones as follows.

     To begin with, the installation of a high school can benefit to (the students) the people who live in my community. First, the high school here can provide the students another option for filling their enrollments. Therefore, it can bring a venue to offset the pressure of continued education, and reduces teenage delinquency. Second, the children who live in our community can go to the school easy and their parents also need spend more time on sending and bringing their children from school. This will give us more time for other things, when people live in the day which time is money. (不知道加的对不对？ 我感觉这段 有点太短)

     In addition, the high school (can bring) is an educational and recreational place. The facilities of the high school can be opened to public access. For example, the library, basketball courts, swimming pool, and the student hall can also (allow) give community residents more educational and recreational choice. Furthermore, the classrooms of the high school can be opened for community education in language, computers, home economics among other vocational skill training, and it is another way to integrate school teaching with community education.

     Last but not least, the high school (can) will help to improve the general environment around the school. The high school will draw the government’s attention to improve such as the adjacent roadways and car parking. For instance, the fact that stores, eateries, and convenient stores will soon spring up around the school will also prosper the community.

     According to the reasons that I presented above, it is easy to arrive the conclusion that the high school can benefit the (students) people who live in there, (bring) is educational and recreational place, and help to improve the general environment around the school. Therefore, I fully support to the plan that build a new high school in my community.

不知该得对不对，大家互相探讨。Good luck.

pengstone

以下是引用farbaby在2004-11-22 22:39:00的发言：

麻煩請各位給予批評與指教,可以的話,請順便告知這樣的作文大概能拿幾分,感謝^^

     Some people think that it is a wise idea to build a new high school in my community. From my point of view, I support to the plan. There are numerous reasons why I hold the opinion above, and I will explain one of the important ones as follows.

     To begin with, the installation of a high school can benefit the students in my community. The high school here can provide the students(with) another option for filling their enrollments. Therefore, it can bring a venue to offset the pressure of continued education, and reduces teenage delinquency.

     In addition, the high school can bring (add)educational and recreational place. The facilities of the high school can be opened to public access. For example, the library, basketball courts, swimming pool, and the student hall can also allow (bring)community residents more educational and recreational choices. Furthermore, (it's) the classrooms of the high school can be opened for community education in language, computers, home economics among other vocational skill training, and it is another way to integrate (combine)school teaching with community education.

     Last but not least, the high school can improve the general environment around the school. The high school will draw the government’s attention to improve such as the adjacent roadways and car parking. For instance, the fact that stores, eateries, and convenient stores will soon spring up around the school (thus making)will also prosper the community (more prosperous).

     According to the reasons that I presented above, it is easy to arrive the conclusion that the high school can benefit the students, bring educational and recreational place, and improve the general environment around the school. Therefore, I fully support to the plan that build a new high school in my community.