e23lzh的写作贴

e23lzh

1.21 健康

It is said that health, both mental and physical, is the prerequisite for everything else. Without a robust body and an open mind, one can hardly lead a happy life. Bearing that in mind, people nowadays gradually come to realize the significance of health, and this kind of awareness, from my perspective, enables maintaining health to be an easier job than that of the past to some extent.

It is self-evident that with the more advanced technologies and equipment we possess today, staying health has become easier and approachable to everyone. Some new machines that can help people to workout scientifically were invented in the past few years, and thanks to the improvement of productivity, the prices for them are relatively low. I bought a new version of running machine the other day. Different from other running machines, this one could tell you the best distance you run according to your exercise history and it can upload your records online automatically and get some food advice using the cloud technology, making exercising more measurable and scientific.

Besides, the propagation of keeping health everywhere raises the awareness of the public and encourages people to form a healthy lifestyle. This point is best illustrated by the example of my university. In the past, most of the lectures held on our spare time focused on some cut-edge technologies or entrepreneurship. Now, however, the number of lectures on the health topic is on the constant rising, and these lectures attract more and more audience. I attended two of them and what the lecturer said really inspired me.

From the above discussion, it is reasonable to believe that staying health today is far easier than that of the past. For one perspective, new technologies help people to exercise and build up efficiently and easily. For another, the propagation of health helps people to form an awareness of the importance of healthy lifestyle. Therefore, if possible, why not take actions today and go healthy?

e23lzh

555555

artemisan

黄色的是好词，蓝色的是我觉得值得我学习的，红色是我不确定和修改的
1.21 健康

It is said that health, both mental and physical, is the prerequisite for everything else. Without a robust body and an open mind, one can hardly lead a happy life. Bearing that in mind, people nowadays gradually come to realize the significance of health, and this kind of awareness, from my perspective, enables maintaining health to be an easier job than that of the past to some extent.

It is self-evident that with the more advanced technologies and equipment we possess today, staying health has become easier and approachable to everyone. Some new machines that can help people to workout scientifically were invented in the past few years, and thanks to the improvement of productivity, the prices for them are relatively low. I bought a new version of running machine the other day. Different from other running machines, this one could tell you the best distance you run according to your exercise history and it can upload your records online automatically and get some food advice using the cloud technology, making exercising(exercise) more measurable and scientific.（用自己的例子说明，GOOD!）

Besides, the propagation of keeping health everywhere raises the awareness of the public and encourages people to form a healthy lifestyle. This point is best illustrated by the example of my university. In the past, most of the lectures held on our spare time focused on some cut-edge technologies(尖端技术？) or entrepreneurship. Now, however, the number of lectures on the health topic is on the constant rising, and these lectures attract more and more audience. I attended two of them and what the lecturer said really inspired me. （用自己的例子说明，GOOD!）

From the above discussion, it is reasonable to believe that staying health today is far easier than that of the past. For one perspective, new technologies help people to exercise and build up efficiently and easily. For another, the propagation of health idea helps people to form an awareness（be aware我个人觉得这个比较简单一点）of the importance of healthy lifestyle. Therefore, if possible, why not take actions today and go healthy?


话说……你的作文写得很好呀……那你这样的水平到底拿了多少分呢？

perfectends

说明：红色--错误；绿色--赞的词汇或表达；蓝色--建议。

It is said that health, both mental and physical, is the prerequisite for everything else. Without a robust body and an open mind, one can hardly lead a happy life. Bearing that in mind,nowadays，people gradually come to realize the significance of health, and this kind of awareness, from my perspective, enables maintaining health to be an easier job than that of the past to some extent.

It is self-evident that with the more advanced technologies and equipment we possess today, staying health has become easier and approachable to everyone. Some new machines that can help people to workout scientifically were invented in the past few years, and thanks to the improvement of productivity, the prices for them are relatively low. I bought a new version of running machine the other day. Different from other running machines, this one could tell you the best distance you run according to your exercise history and it can upload your records online automatically and get some food advice using the cloud technology, making exercising more measurable and scientific.

Besides, the propagation of keeping health everywhere raises the awareness of the public and encourages people to form a healthy lifestyle. This point is best illustrated by the example of my university. In the past, most of the lectures held on our spare time focused on some cutting-edge technologies or entrepreneurship. Now, however, the number of lectures on the health topic is on the constant rising, and these lectures attract more and more audience.I attended two of them and what the lecturer said really inspired me.

From the above discussion, it is reasonable to believe that staying health today is far easier than that of the past. For one perspective, new technologies help people to exercise and build up efficiently and easily. For another, the propagation of health helps people to form an awareness of the importance of healthy lifestyle. Therefore, if possible, why not take actions today and go healthy?

听闻群里有人喊救兵批改，前来参观了。整体行文很流畅，选词造句都比较流畅，也有一些高分词汇，我把超高分的在绿色高亮基础上又underline了。
cutting-edge是前沿的，这个单词刚在群里问过，帮我重拾这词汇了，但是大家不确定后面加techonology是否前面用cut-edge正确，我感觉是错的就改了，如果不对还请斧正，谢谢！

e23lzh

哇，非常感动啊。我google了一下，cutting edge是个名词，我当成adj了。应该是不需要加technology的。
谢谢了

perfectends

哇，非常感动啊。我google了一下，cutting edge是个名词，我当成adj了。应该是不需要加technology的。
谢谢了

-- by 会员 e23lzh (2013/1/23 23:44:10)

不用谢。共同提高，呵呵，帮我重拾一个词汇~

perfectends

话说……你的作文写得很好呀……那你这样的水平到底拿了多少分呢？

-- by 会员 artemisan (2013/1/22 23:52:19)

看到回报CD的帖子了，是满分，满分啊，我内牛满面。。。给我几分吧~

e23lzh

2014.3.21 独立写作 A\D Teaching is a harder work in the past than today.

The current world is fast changing, and so is teaching. Yesterday, teachers still used chalks and blackboards, while today, however, they heavily rely on electronic aids like keynotes. Although many believe that the changes make teaching more easily than ever, I, nevertheless, deem that it is far more difficult to teach today.

It is commonsensical that the information explosion has made students today increasingly hard to satisfy, since they could learn more from other sources other than from teachers, which makes teachings seemingly dispensable. One of my best and most erudite friend is a typical bad student in my teacher's eyes. Instead of listening to lessons, he spends his course hours on reading and thinking about some deeper problems on the subject. He also learns online via MOOC. Due to his extensive learning, he sometimes could even come up with questions that our teachers fail to provide a proper answer, which makes our teachers quite embarrassed. Once, when I visited my teacher in his office, he told me:" you kids today are more smart than we used to be, and therefore I need to prepare more for the class."

Moreover, the experiences of some successful dropouts like Bill Gates and Steve Jobs also inspired students nowadays not to follow the teachers' instructions. I read a news story the other day, saying that a school child, whose idol is Steve Jobs, believing that he could learn a lot better and become a second Jobs without teachers, never handed in homework on time. At the same time, as Winston Churchill said "I am always willing to learn, but I am not willing to be taught", students today prefer learn by themselves, making teachers difficult to manage the learning pace of the whole class.

As it stands, for one perspective, students could learn from other sources besides teachers, and for another, many young people begin to follow the examples of some successful dropouts against their teachers. Therefore, it is crystal clear that teaching today is far more difficult than ever.

qq2228757

写得很精彩~也感谢你帮我改的那么认真和仔细，真的给了我很多建议，我会回去好好反思一下，争取下次有进步！

牛奶泡小猫

弱弱问一句 楼主考试时独立写作能写多少字？我看到有人说550左右就能拿满分。。。我打字也不快，所以望楼主指教啊