jgasoshmu2005的写作贴-独立.Jan18

jgasoshmu2005

一大把年纪了再站托福写作,呵呵.谢谢大家的帮助!

jgasoshmu2005

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement:
Young people now are more willing to help others than those in thepast.

Helping perople is alway considered as one if the top merits in almost every religion. However, givven the fact that there are more and more immoral atitude all over current sociaty, there are less and less people willing to give their hand to others whoever needs. Therefore, I have to say pitfully that young people are not as friendly as before with respect to helpping other individuals.

Somehow it is an unpersuasive reality that numerous notorious criminal cases happens nowdays and we may not be possible imagine at old times. Along with the rapidly fgowing human population, the resource per capital become less and less, one of the direct reaction from that is that human beings care more for themselves than ever before. They would estimate meticulously between gains and loss for whatever they need to do. This immortal value has been prevalent and it effcts young people tremendously through various medias including television, radio and internet.

There are also some excuses for young people to appear more selfish due to higher pressure in current life. The world reqires young people have more skills and knowledges than it did before. In order to have a decent job, great pay-checks, you ought to approach higher education and work harder. All the efforts acquire time, energy as well as financial supprot. Literally they are swamped by those difficulties every second in their own life, how come can they offer a free hand to someone else? not realistic at all.

It is sad to admit this merit has been faded a long time. Nevertheless, it hasn't been totally diminished at all. We can always hear the news occationally that shred the lights on our hope. For instance, there was a collision accident and two vechicles were stuck in the ditch beside the road. Many cars stopped and tried to help injured people out. No one left until the ambulence arrived and drove patients to the hospital. It cheers us and leaves us a lot of confidence that still a few of people are willing to share their hands.

Generally speaking, I disagree with the statement and hold the point that young people are more selfish and reluctant to stand for someone else than before. But gratefully, not everyone in this world goes like that. Why not we start to smile and try to offer something for people around us. It is a long way to go, but it is faithful.

jgasoshmu2005

总是不知道该写什么，感觉没话可说．不知道大家有没有什么brain-storm的关于idea的东西可以分享的？谢谢！

e23lzh

Helping other is alway considered as one if the topmerits in almost every religion. However, given the fact that there are more and more[LZ1] immoral attitudesall over current society[LZ2] , there areless and less people willing to give their hand to others whoever needs.Therefore, I have to say pitifully that young people are not as friendly asbefore with respect to helping[LZ3] otherindividuals.

Somehow it is an unpersuasive[LZ4] reality thatnumerous notorious criminal cases happens nowadays and we may not be possibleimagine at old times. Along with the soaring [LZ5] humanpopulation, the resource per capita become less and less, one of the direct resultsfrom that is that human beings care more about themselves than ever before.They would estimate meticulously between gains and loss for whatever they needto do. This immortalvalue[LZ6] has beenprevalent and it affects young people tremendously through various medias includingtelevision, radio and Internet.

There are also some excuses[LZ7] for youngpeople to appear more selfishness/to be selfish due to higher pressure incurrent life. The world reqires young people have more skills and knowledgethan it did before. In order to have a decent job, great paychecks, they[LZ8] ought to approach [LZ9] highereducation and work harder. All the efforts acquire time, energy as well as financialsupprot.[LZ10] Literally they are swamped by those difficultiesevery second in their own life, how come can they offer a free hand to someoneelse? not realistic at all.

It is sad to admit this merit has faded since a long timeago. Nevertheless, it hasn't been totally diminished at all. We can always hearthe news occasionally that shred the lights on our hope. For instance, therewas a collision accident and two vehicles were stuck in the ditch beside theroad. Many cars stopped and tried to help injured people out. No one left untilthe ambulence arrived and drove patients to the hospital. It cheers us andleaves us a lot of confidence that still a few of people are willing to sharetheir hands.

Generally speaking, I disagree with the statement and hold the point that young peopleare more selfish[LZ11] and reluctant to stand for someone else thanbefore. But gratefully, not everyone in this world goes like that. Why not westart to smile and try to offer something for people around us. It is a longway to go, but it is faithful.


总起来说，文章构思和组织还好。细节问题需要注意，比如语法和拼写，建议自己粘贴到word当中来查看一下。感觉很多用词不是你自己用出来的吧，可能查字典了吧，所以有点别扭，还是建议自己写吧，尽管可能词汇略显低级。

文章最大的问题是内容。题目说的是young people（尽管我也觉得在我的文章里面体现young这个层次不太多），而你的文章大部分还是讲的似乎是人类共性的问题。同时，感觉你的文章更多的在批判，而我总感觉这个题目的本意只是议论，而不是批判。这些地方我觉得需要格外注意。
[LZ1]Moreand more / less and less用的频率太高了，不舒服。试试用increasing之类的词



[LZ2]理解无能啊。。


[LZ3]拼写错误太多了，建议把这个文章自己粘贴到word当中去看一下。（好吧，我承认我的拼写错误也挺多的。。。）


[LZ4]我觉得这个地方作者想用的应该是persuasive吧，或者undenialbe


[LZ5]原来的那个词我不知道什么意思，也查不到，就给换了。


[LZ6]这个词组查不到啊


[LZ7]这个词感觉感情色彩不太对吧


[LZ8]这个地方主语要一致


[LZ9]这个词用的理解无能啊


[LZ10]个人觉得是chinglish，而且acquire这个词用的也不对，应该是require


[LZ11]感情色彩

jgasoshmu2005

谢谢修改！　
我确实尝试这用一些不常用的词，最近在背单词，呵呵，想起就用上了．
我写东西最大的问题就是口语化，很多人都告诉过我，但始终没有转过来．可能需要大量阅读才能解决这个问题．
在写的时候我实在不知道写什么，所以写着写着就写歪了，这是个大问题．唉

e23lzh

呃，这个上面的这个更改看得不明显，你看一下我附件里面的哪个.doc吧，那个上面有我所有改的地方，有很清楚的批注

jgasoshmu2005

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement:
Economic growth seems to be more important than environmental concerns.


Since 1980's, evniromental concerns has become one of the hottest issues of the world. Numerous countries realized this problem and started to make efforts in order to minimize the progress of enviromental crisis. Foe instance, in 1970's, more than half of the countries in this planet agreed to limit the emission of dicarbonoxygen and signned a legislation in Tokyo. It is more than obvious that enviromental concerns are far more important than economy growth.

Enviromental crisis has been proven to cause lot of disease to human beings. It can cause genetic mutations. In 2011, the leak of nuclear plant in Japan was one of the examples. The staff working in the planet who didn't escape from inside when the leak occurred were either died right away because of being exposed to outrageous X-ray gauge or discovered lukeymia couple of monthes later for the same reason. Not only that, area within 10 keliometers are flagged as dead-zone and all lifes were evacuated to avoid potential risks of radiation. It will take years to go back to normal.

Some people may argue that nuclear plant leakage are extremely rear. However, there are pollutions happening more and more often and cause thousands of deaths lately. A week ago, there was a fog in Beijing that last for several days. The PM2.5, One of the measures with respect to air quality, was hundreds folded than threshold. Residents were warned to saty at home and close the window to minimiz the chances for respiratoy disease. Such crisis took place occationally in the past couple of years.

Addmittedly, economy is also crucial to this world, especially at current economical recession. Nevertheless, pretecting our planet and have a sustainable economy should always deemed to be top priority. we only have one earth. immagin, where should we live if someday the earth were destroried by our ignorance?

e23lzh

感觉内容有点偏题啊。（其实我自己写的时候也是由偏题的感觉。。很容易就写成了环保文）

jgasoshmu2005

Which way do you think is the best for a student to make new friends?
a. join a sports team,
b. participate in community activities,
c. traveling

Most of time, students make friends among either classmates or roommates. There is no doubt the friendships like these will

be stable and tight because they spend a lot of time together. However, because of the same reason, friends are barely able

to learn something from each other due to such similar life-styles. Meanwhile, There are many ways for students to make

friends like joining a sport team or traveling. From my perspective, Participating in community activities is the best way

to know new people and potential make new friends after.

The biggest superior merit for making friends by attending community activities is that students will have more chances to

contact and know various of different people. Regularly, students stay in school more than 8 hours every day and all they

normally communicate are either other students or teachers. The conversation they possibly have are no more than studies. In

community center, participants are from all kinds of different residents nearby. Through working with each other, no matter

students are willing or not, they will be imbued with information or knowledge they did not even hear before. Such

experience will broaden their vision and thereafter will benefit these young people in the long run.

Other than being exposed to more open atmosphere and know this world much more, trying to learn how to cooperate with some

other people is another advantage students will receive through community activities. In school, students have already

been get used to work independently and separately. Not too much opportunities for them to understand how important to work

as a team. In general, community activities ask more than one attendants, more importantly, they also require proper

designations and incorporation. After getting through such process, students will gain abilities to work with other

individuals very well.

It is undeniable that joining sports team and traveling are great ideas to make friends too. Nevertheless, there are drawbacks on both of them. Everyone has their own schedules and this issue will challenge the idea of playing a game together as a team. Travel requires certain financial supports and it is not affordable for most of students. Above all, the conclusion becomes apparent that participating in community activities is better for students to make friends than other two means.