starlee的作文贴------求指导，欢迎各位大神来此狠批

brace1016

27号还是我改你的作文哦。你贴上来哦

starlee

27 December
Independent Writing: 教师应不应该每五年上一次课更新知识。
Response:

It is a common phenomenon not only in China, but across the world, for teachers to spend a certain amount of time renewing their knowledge every five years. There is much discussion as to whether this is necessary. At least, I believe that it is not only necessary but also astonishingly crucial for three reasons.

Contenting students’ thirst for knowledge is one of the three reasons, which is also the most vital one. Students are always longing to learn more about something new and fresh, which will help them to foster exploring ability. Then, it is teacher’s responsibility to try their best to satisfy the adolescents’ curiosity. Also, it is the best chance for the students to maximize their ability to open their eyes to the beauty of knowledge. Therefore, teachers have to take courses to enrich themselves every five years. Because of this precondition, teachers will be able to tell the students what they do never hear or comprehend before. The significance of periodical courses for teachers can never be denied.

When students enjoy their happiness from learning, isn’t it necessary that teachers themselves give some considerations to strengthen the job competition in the education field? Apparently, taking courses contributes to the improvement of teacher’s academic ability. Then, more opportunities are given to get promoted owing to superb teaching skill. Meanwhile, teacher will get a raise in wage and bonus due to higher position. Indirectly, teachers are going to have superb confidence and teaching skill to nurture children and youth. Both students and teachers benefit from the program cultivating teacher every five years.

In addition to students and teachers, we would better tend to take the method of teaching into consideration. We can never underestimate how important the teaching methods are. For example, in old days, teacher had no more efficient methods than memorization and demonstration. Nevertheless, today, progress in science and technology has brought us various teaching materials, like computer, radio and projector, which contribute to class participation multimedia and combinations of methods used now and before. Then, this Teachers’ Cultivation Program is a great chance for teachers to have access to learn the principles and methods of the teaching methods that are used for instruction. Surely, it is needed for teachers to take part in the program.

Truth be told, it seems to me that everything associated with taking courses is beneficial. For teachers, I suppose that they should renew their knowledge more frequently, maybe it is better once a year. Therefore, if there is anyone out there who still doubts if the program benefits students, who still wonders if the program benefits teachers, who still questions if the program benefits education methods, this essay is my answer.

brace1016

It is a common phenomenon not only in China, but across the world, for teachers to spend a certain amount of time renewing their knowledge every five years. （这里用定语从句修饰phenomenon怎么样？it is a common phenomenon that teachers----）There is much discussion as to(这个要加入吗，直接whether好点哦，感觉的)whether this is necessary. At least, I believe that it is not only necessary but also astonishingly crucial for three reasons.











Contenting students’ thirst for knowledge is one of the three reasons, which is also the most vital one.（那个啥，你考过GMAT吗？which这样的用法是语法错误的。它修饰的是什么呢？放在这里是修饰reasons了哦） Students are always longing to learn more about something new and fresh, which will help them to foster exploring ability. Then, it is teacher’s responsibility to try their best to satisfy the adolescents’ curiosity. Also, it is the best chance for students to maximize their ability to open their eyes to the beauty of knowledge. Therefore, teachers have to take courses to enrich themselves every five years. Because of this precondition, teachers will be able to tell the students what they do never hear or comprehend before. The significance of periodical courses for teachers can never be denied.











When students enjoy their happiness from learning, isn’t it necessary that teachers themselves give some considerations to strengthen the job competition in the education field? Apparently, taking courses contributes to the improvement of teacher’s academic ability. Then, more opportunities are given to get promoted owing to superb teaching skill. Meanwhile, teacher will get a raise in wage and bonus due to higher position. Indirectly, teachers are going to have superb confidence and teaching skill to nurture children and youth. Both students and teachers benefit from the program cultivating teacher every five years.（感觉你的中心句放在最后了，这段的目的是说更新知识能使老师和学生都获益吧。那个为什么不把中心放在句首呢。这样直接点哦。）











In addition to students and teachers, we would better tend to take the method of teaching into consideration. We can never underestimate how important the teaching methods are. For example, in old days, teacher had no more efficient methods than memorization and demonstration. Nevertheless, today, progress in science and technology has brought us various teaching materials, like computer, radio and projector, which contribute to class participation multimedia and combinations of methods used now and before. Then, this Teachers’ Cultivation Program is a great chance for teachers to have access to learn the principles and methods of the teaching methods that are used for instruction. Surely, it is needed for teachers to take part in the program. 这段论证很好。直接切入主题。











Truth be told, it seems to me that everything associated with taking courses is beneficial. For teachers, I suppose that they should renew their knowledge more frequently, maybe it is better once a year. Therefore, if there is anyone out there who still doubts if the program benefits students, who still wonders if the program benefits teachers, who still questions if the program benefits education methods, this essay is my answer 很好的结尾。排比很强大











感觉功底真的很强大。没有什么拼写的错误。就是逻辑思路要加强。第三段论证上不是很给力。可以变换个说法哦。在1-3-1结构的文章就是要把观点明了。我请教了写作的老师。他们总是跟我讲作文要观点明了和逻辑思路清晰。1-3-1这样的结构就是把每段的中心句抛出来，接着论述，最后举例支撑文章。每段都是总分的结构。跟你分享下这种结构哦。