A高频,求轻拍

kenmingli

一直都在写提纲,考前一天才发现没有写过完整的....特意写了5篇高频,下面是其中一篇,求各位大神指教.题目:The following appeared as part of an article in a business magazine."A recent study rating 300 male and female advertising executives according to the average number of hours they sleep per night showed an association between the amount of sleep the executives need and the success of their firms. Of the advertising firms studied, those whose executives reported needing no more than six hours of sleep per night had higher profit margins and faster growth. On the basis of this study, we recommend that businesses hire only people who need less than six hours of sleep per night."


In thisargument, the magazine concludes that businesses should hire only people whoneed less than six hours of sleep per night for a better success. To buttressthis conclusion, the magazine provides us with some evidence that a recentstudy showed that the success of the advertising firms related to theiradvertising executives’ average sleep per night. In addition, he points outthat those whose advertising executives reported needing no more than six hourscan earn more. Furthermore, he contends that it is important to employ thosewho need no more than 6 hour sleeping. At first glance, this conclusion seemsso reasonable with the evidence the author offers, but a deeper examinationreveals that what it bases on is unreliable and the reasoning/assumptiondoesn’t make much sense, which lead it to be a fault conclusion.


First,we have no way to know whether the source of the information of the businessmagazine is statistically reliable. Itseems greatly possible that the study’s sample is not sufficient in size orrepresentative of the overall advertising firms and their advertisingexecutives. For that matter, this study is not strong enough to establish acorrelation/ causation between the margins the firm make and the hours theiradvertising executives need. As a result, without the evidence that thesurvey/study is statistically reliable the author can’t justifiably draw anyconclusion by relying on this study.


Second,even if the information is reliable and the sample is big enough to representoverall advertising firms, the reasoning in the argument still suffers fromseveral flaws. For example, the magazine assumes that all the business shouldonly hire those who need no more than six hours’ sleeping on the basis of thereport indicating that the advertising firms whose advertising executivesneeding less than six hours’ sleeping are able to make more profit. Butobviously, the advertising industry as a specific field of industry can’trepresent the whole business. Even though it can stand for the whole business,its advertising executives are not supposed to be on behalf of all theemployers. Furthermore, the success of firms can’t be only assess from thesuccess and the speed of its growth but also from the consistence of the firmsand the self-development their employees gain, which really counts for thefuture of the firms.

Third,the business magazine only considers information from the company’s side andneglects information from the employees, which should have been as essential asthe margins the firms make in the study. Therefore the conclusion it drew willapparently have a definite tendency that benefit the company instead of theemployees. After all, the business magazine companies make money from offering variousservices for the business firms.

Tosum up, the argument is not so convincing unless can strengthen his argument inthe above-mentioned factors. 1) The sample in the study should be bigger. 2) Thestudy is supposed to involve firms and employees from all over the field ofindustry. 3) The standard of the promotion of firms can be more all-directionrather than only evaluate from the margins and growth. 4) The researchers inthe study should make up of researchers in both businesses and laboringorganizations. Considering all the factors in the argument, the conclusion itdrew will be more persuasive.


感谢各路大神!

kenmingli

出了点问题,重新发一遍
In this argument, the magazine concludes that businesses should hire only people who need less than six hours of sleep per night for a better success. To buttress this conclusion, the magazine provides us with some evidence that a recent study showed that the success of the advertising firms related to their advertising executives’ average sleep per night. In addition, he points out that those whose advertising executives reported needing no more than six hours can earn more. Furthermore, he contends that it is important to employ those who need no more than 6 hour sleeping. At first glance, this conclusion seems so reasonable with the evidence the author offers, but a deeper examination reveals that what it bases on is unreliable and the reasoning/assumption doesn’t make much sense, which lead it to be a fault conclusion.

First, we have no way to know whether the source of the information of the business magazine is statistically reliable. It seems greatly possible that the study’s sample is not sufficient in size or representative of the overall advertising firms and their advertising executives. For that matter, this study is not strong enough to establish a correlation/ causation between the margins the firm make and the hours their advertising executives need. As a result, without the evidence that the survey/study is statistically reliable the author can’t justifiably draw any conclusion by relying on this study.

Second, even if the information is reliable and the sample is big enough to represent overall advertising firms, the reasoning in the argument still suffers from several flaws. For example, the magazine assumes that all the business should only hire those who need no more than six hours’ sleeping on the basis of the report indicating that the advertising firms whose advertising executives needing less than six hours’ sleeping are able to make more profit. But obviously, the advertising industry as a specific field of industry can’t represent the whole business. Even though it can stand for the whole business, its advertising executives are not supposed to be on behalf of all the employers. Furthermore, the success of firms can’t be only assess from the success and the speed of its growth but also from the consistence of the firms and the self-development their employees gain, which really counts for the future of the firms.

Third, the business magazine only considers information from the company’s side and neglects information from the employees, which should have been as essential as the margins the firms make in the study. Therefore the conclusion it drew will apparently have a definite tendency that benefit the company instead of the employees. After all, the business magazine companies make money from offering various services for the business firms.

To sum up, the argument is not so convincing unless the magazine can strengthen its argument in the above-mentioned factors. 1) The sample in the study should be bigger. 2) The study is supposed to involve firms and employees from all over the field of industry. 3) The standard of the promotion of firms can be more all-direction rather than only evaluate from the margins and growth. 4) The researchers in the study should make up of researchers in both businesses and laboring organizations. Considering all the factors in the argument, the conclusion it drew will be more persuasive.

竹林中人

In this argument, the magazine concludes thatbusinesses should hire only people who need less than six hours of sleep pernight for a better success. To buttress this conclusion, the magazine provides us with some evidence that a recent study showedthat the success of the advertising firms related to their advertisingexecutives’ average sleep per night. In addition, he points out that thosewhose advertising executives reported needing no more than six hours can earnmore. Furthermore, he contends that it is important to employ those who need nomore than 6 hour sleeping. 建议你能压缩下这几句。At first glance, this conclusion seems so reasonable with the evidencethe author offers, but a deeper examination reveals that what it bases on isunreliable and the reasoning/assumption doesn’t make much sense, which lead itto be a fault conclusion.这句话里面废话太多，其实你只需说下题目中观点因为缺少必要的前提使得其没有说服力。

First, we have no way to know whether the sourceof the information of the business magazine is statistically reliable. It seemsgreatly possible that the study’s sample is not sufficient in size orrepresentative of the overall advertising firms and their advertisingexecutives. For that matter, this study is not strong enough to establish acorrelation/ causation between the margins the firm make and the hours theiradvertising executives need. As a result, without the evidence that thesurvey/study is statistically reliable the author can’t justifiably draw anyconclusion by relying on this study.

Second, even if the information is reliable andthe sample is big enough to represent overall advertising firms, the reasoningin the argument still suffers from several flaws. For example, the magazineassumes that all the business should only hire those who need no more than sixhours’ sleeping on the basis of the report indicating that the advertisingfirms whose advertising executives needing less than six hours’ sleeping areable to make more profit.写到这里的时候，我还以为你要质疑的是睡眠6小时，没想到一下子转移到广告这个行业，如果你要保留后面的，前面的这些就很罗嗦了，如果保留前面的，建议把后面的重写下吧 But obviously, the advertising industry as a specific field ofindustry can’t represent the whole business. Even though it can stand for thewhole business, its advertising executives are not supposed to be on behalf ofall the employers. Furthermore, the success of firms can’t be only assess fromthe success and the speed of its growth but also from the consistence of thefirms and the self-development their employees gain, which really counts forthe future of the firms.

Third, the business magazine only considersinformation from the company’s side and neglects information from theemployees, which should have been as essential as the margins the firms make inthe study. Therefore the conclusion it drew will apparently have a definitetendency that benefit the company instead of the employees. After all, thebusiness magazine companies make money from offering various services for thebusiness firms.这点比较勉强
其实还有可以说的是睡眠少于6小时跟利润之间有什么关系，利润多是否还有其他的原因等

To sum up, the argument is not so convincingunless the magazine can strengthen its argument in the above-mentioned factors.1) The sample in the study should be bigger. 2) The study is supposed toinvolve firms and employees from all over the field of industry. 3) Thestandard of the promotion of firms can be more all-direction rather than onlyevaluate from the margins and growth. 4) The researchers in the study shouldmake up of researchers in both businesses and laboring organizations.Considering all the factors in the argument, the conclusion it drew will be morepersuasive.这段内容过多了，结尾短而有力即可，高度概括下就好

竹林中人

另外Argu尤其要注意题目后面“write a response ……”这一段，这段instruction是要求你要怎么写而不是你按自己的模板或者套路去写