TWE008 想冲6分.请各位高手指点不足

Louiswt

TWE008 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Televison has destroyed communication among friends and framily.

Nowadays, televison becomes increasingly essential in our lives. Some people hold an opinion that televison has ruined communication among friends and family. However , from my prespective, I do not agree with that view.

First of all, without relaxed mood, people cannot communicate with others smoothly. And televison can supply much fun to nervous people, in order to make them relaxed. So firece is the social competition that quarrles become more and more, people cannot talk in peace. Televison, a particularily vital media, reduces many family quarrles by providing funny programs. Hasing previaled all over the world for ten years,<Friends>, a popular soap opera in the USA, brings much laugher to people through its humor and active performance. Exerting an influnence if it, people become much happier and the communication becomes much smoother.

Second, televison provides many popular topics to people. In order to impove their lives, achieve their aspiration, they have to keep working without any spare time. So busy are the people that they even have no time to absord other information. Because of lack of subject, people feel bored when they talk to each other. Televison just becomes the bridge between the gaps of people by supplying much important news. People can get some stories from it, maybe the stories do not connect with themselves, but they are excellent topics to talk.

Admittedly, some dissenters may proclaim that many children are so addictive in TV programs that they even have no time to communicate with their family and friends. But in my opinion, all the children are brisky and like watching TV. They are too yound to resist the lure of televison programs. Henec,.parents should give children more conduct.

In summary, given the reasons discussed above, televison play an active role in communicating with others. Not only does it relax people and make the communication smooth, but also providing many topics to general public. In this mean, the point that televison has destroied communication among friends and family just is illusion.

[此贴子已经被作者于2004-11-10 17:48:22编辑过]

soaring

以下是引用Louiswt在2004-11-10 17:44:00的发言：

TWE008 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Televison has destroyed communication among friends and framily.

Nowadays, televison becomes increasingly essential in our lives. Some people hold an opinion that televison has ruined communication among friends and family. However , from my prespective, I do not agree with that view.（开头挺好，简洁明了）

First of all, without relaxed mood, people cannot communicate with others smoothly. And televison can supply much fun to nervous people, in order to make them relaxed. So firece is the social competition that quarrles become more and more（这个地方倒转的很牵强）, people cannot（maynot） talk in peace（Changlish）. Televison, a particularily vital media, reduces many family quarrles by providing funny programs. Hasing previaled(与态问题) all over the world for ten years,<Friends>, a popular soap opera in the USA, brings much laugher（这个地方……不能这么说滴，太中文化了，哪怕用entertain都好！） to people through its humor and active performance. Exerting an influnence if it, people become much happier and the communication becomes much smoother.（这一段逻辑有点不清楚，建议先把television的好处说完了，再举例）

Second, televison provides many popular topics to people. In order to impove their lives, achieve their aspiration, they have to keep working without any spare time. So busy are the people that they even have no time to absord other information. Because of lack of subject, people feel bored （boring）when they talk to each other. Televison just becomes the bridge(provides a bridge) between the gaps of people by supplying much important news. People can get some stories from it, maybe the stories do not connect with themselves, but they are excellent topics to talk.

Admittedly, some dissenters may proclaim that many children are so addictive in TV programs that they even have no time to communicate with their family and friends. But in my opinion, all the children are brisky and like watching TV. They are too yound(拼写错误) to resist the lure of televison programs. Henec,.parents should give children more conduct.

In summary, given the reasons discussed above, televison play an active role in communicating with others. Not only does it relax people and make the communication smooth, but also providing many topics to general public. In this mean, the point that televison has destroied communication among friends and family just is illusion.

文章结构还可以

语言还要提高才行，很多中文化的表达，多看看别人的习作会对自己有好处，置顶区找找看吧

要想得6分，还得下苦功夫

加油~

另外，要注意连接词过渡词的使用，高分词汇~！

[此贴子已经被作者于2004-11-11 15:50:46编辑过]

guandream

Soaring_2004 MM,

great...