Argue 65 求批改

夜落莺知。

65.When Stanley Park first opened, it was the largest, most heavily used public park in town. It is still the largest park, but it is no longer heavily used. Video cameras mounted(
增长, 上升) in the park's parking lots last month revealed(显示) the park's drop in popularity: the recordings showed an average of only 50 cars per day. In contrast, tiny Carlton Park in the heart of the business district is visited by more than 150 people on a typical weekday. An obvious difference is that Carlton Park, unlike Stanley Park, provides ample(丰富的) seating. Thus, if Stanley Park is ever to be as popular with our citizens as Carlton Park, the town will obviously need to provide more benches, thereby converting(转变) some of the unused open areas into spaces suitable for socializing(使适于社会生活).

Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted.

In this argument, the author consider that if more benches are put into the Stanley Park
, the park is going to attract more people.However, this idea may less likely to achieve its aim.The author makes a lot of assumptions in this argument which is not based on the fact.

The author assumes that less number of cars in Stanley Park
's car park means less people come to play in the park.However, this assumption is less likely to be true.There is no direct relation between the number of cars in the car park and the number of people who come to the park.A number of people may come to Stanley Park on foot, or they may ride their bicycles.This may because more people now live near the park and the distance from their home to the park is so near that there is no need to driver their car.Or perhaps people just want to travel with a friendly way to the environment, since you are never in a hurry when you go to the park.Moreover, a lot of cars in the car park in Carlton Park never means is has more visitors.Since the park is near business district, a number of people just put their cars in the car park of Carlton Park but they go to their work place instead of going to the park.Thus, we could not deduce the number of visitors of a park from the number of cars in its car park.

Besides, the author assumed that the bench is an infector of Carlton Park
to attract more visitors.However, there are a number of other infectors that could bring Carlton Park a large number of visitors.Since Carlton Park is in the business district, the condition of transportation may be more convenient than that of Stanley Park. People would like to come to Carlton Park because it is more easier to get there.Moreover, there may be a nice cafe just next to Carlton Park.People would like to visit Carlton Park after they have a meal in that . Or perhaps the Carlton Park never ask visitors to pay for their tickets, while people who wants to go to Stanley Park have to pay their ticket. A lot of people prefer a free visit so they choose Carlton Park. The author only focuses on the problem of bench but he or she fails to think about other factors that could make a difference.

What is more, the author is assuming that putting more benches is going to help Stanley Park
to attract more visitors.However, this idea may not work. Perhaps the visitors who visit Stanley Park want other things but not the bench.They may in need of more picnic table, a big lawn or more beautiful scenery.Moreover, some people may live far from the Stanley Park and they prefer to visit a park near their home. The author should make sure what are the really need of the customers before making a decision.

To sum up, this argument is full of assumptions and imaginations and not convincing enough.In order to make sure the idea of putting more benches in the Stanley Park
is going to have a good effort, the author should make sure the different condition of the two parks and ask the need of the customers.

竹林中人

In this argument, the author considers that if morebenches are put into the Stanley Park
,the park is going to attract more people. However, this idea may be less likelyto achieve its aim这里加一个连接词就好The author makes a lotof assumptions in this argument which is not based on the fact.

The author assumes that less numberof cars in Stanley Park'scar park means less people come to play in the park. 这个推理的过程你要写出来However,this assumption is less likely to be true. There is no direct relation betweenthe number of cars in the car park and the number of people who come to thepark. A number of people may come to Stanley Park on foot, orthey may ride their bicycles. This may because more people now live near thepark and the distance from their home to the park is so near that there is no needto driver their car. Or perhaps people just want to travel with a friendly wayto the environment, since you are never in a hurry when you go to the park. Moreover,a lot of cars in the car park in Carlton Park never means is has morevisitors？这句话的问题很大哦. Since the park is near business district, anumber of people just put their cars in the car park of Carlton Parkbut they go to their work place instead of going to the park. Thus, we couldnot deduce the number of visitors of a park from the number of cars in its carpark.

Besides, the author assumed that the bench isan infector of Carlton Park
to attract more visitors. However, there are anumber of other infectors that could bring Carlton Parka large number of visitors. Since CarltonPark is in the business district, thecondition of transportation may be more convenient than that of Stanley Park. People would like to come toCarlton Park because it is easier 你竟然可以写出more easier，让我改作文的情何以堪啊/捂脸to getthere. Moreover, there may be a nice cafe just next to Carlton Park.People would like to visit Carlton Park after they have ameal in that . Or perhaps the Carlton Park never ask visitors to pay for their tickets,while people who wants to go to Stanley Park have to pay theirticket. A lot of people prefer a free visit so they choose Carlton Park.The author only focuses on the problem of bench but he or she fails to thinkabout other factors that could make a difference.

What is more, the author is assuming thatputting more benches is going to help Stanley Park to attract more visitors. However, this idea may notwork. Perhaps the visitors who visit Stanley Park want other thingsbut not the bench. They may in need of more picnic table, a big lawn or morebeautiful scenery. Moreover, some people may live far from the Stanley Park and they prefer to visit a parknear their home. The author should make sure what are the really need of thecustomers before making a decision.

To sum up, this argument is full ofassumptions and imaginations and not convincing enough. In order to make surethe idea of putting more benches in the Stanley Park
is going to have a good effort, the author shouldmake sure the different condition of the two parks and ask the need of thecustomers.Argu写好在于三点，1.结构上几个反驳的点能环环相扣，形成逻辑链，因而很有气势，2.论述分析的时候，按照一定的顺序组织，推理分析的过程是最重要的。
3.在指出问题的时候，进行举例说明时越具体越好。希望作者能好好体会下，加油!

夜落莺知。

谢谢版主的批改~
居然又犯低级错误（但愿考试的时候有时间检查。。