求高人批改一篇作文。。感激不尽。。。

lingxiao2012

原题：It is easier for people in the past to identify which type of career or job has a secure or successful future.

Inthe past, lots of famous people achieve success in their era, such as BillGates and Steve Jobs. With the exposition of knowledge in modern society,admittedly, we need to acquire more skills and analyze the situation morecarefully when it comes to choosing a job, but if it means more difficulty oreven impossibility for people to have a bright future also need to discuss.

 Thejob or career which one person will participate in the future has a strongrelation with their education, their major in university. In the past, astudent graduated from high school may choose a major aimlessly, owing to lessinformation can we obtain before. If the major he had chosen doesn’t fit his personality,the student won’t have motivation or desire to fulfill his dream.  In contrast, students now are bombarded withvarious tools which can help them evaluate themselves and find their advantagesand disadvantages. For example, we can take some test online which come frompsychological experiment.
On the other hand, in modern society, more and more jobs are createdbecause of development of science and technology. For instance, after theinvention of computer, tremendous companies have been established and employeeshad more choice. As far as I am concerned, my mom is a bookkeeper, if there isno computer or such advanced technology, I wouldn’t choose accounting as mymajor. It is because computer programs can facilitate data control and reduces lotsof manual works, so I can concentrate more on other field I am good at, such asfinancial management.
I concede that we may have higher risks and face more competitors inour career, such as fluctuations of market and fierce contend for certainoccupation, which lead to some challenges for our future. However, when lookedfrom a different perspective, this also means more maturation formed through theseobstacles, which is better for an individual’s success in the long run.