麻煩請幫我改一下這篇TWE147

farbaby

請大家給予批評及指教,感謝

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147.Your school has received a gift of money. What do you think is the best way for your school to spend this money? Use specific reasons and details to support your choice.

     It has recently announced that our school has received a gift of money. I think that the best way for our school to spend this money is to purchase computers. There are numerous reasons why I support to the opinion above, and I will explain few of the important ones as follows.

     To begin with, using computers is a necessary skill for all students. It is undeniable that the technology revolution has made a dramatic impact on the way we live. Nowadays the society is more complicated than it was before. Some skills such as English and computer science are essential for survival in the competitive world. As a result, our school needs to buy computers to make sure all the students have the opportunities to use computers correctly and practically.

     In addition, computers can provide active teaching ways. Teachers used to teach students with fixed textbooks only consisting of letters and pictures. When it comes to using computers, it brings us to a definitely new way for teaching. For example, teachers can show a variety of sounds, pictures, and video through computers instead of static materials.

     Last but not least, computer is the best search engine for students. If you want to get something new or search something fast, the library is not the only choice anymore. Computers provide an integrated search interface so that students can search from Internet to get the information that they want effectively and efficiently.

     Due to the reasons that I mentioned above, I think that the best way for our school to spend this money is to purchase computers.

potato1117

楼主写的很好，不过我觉得第二、第三个理由段和结尾段可以适当的丰富一下。

guandream

以下是引用farbaby在2004-11-8 3:41:00的发言：

請大家給予批評及指教,感謝

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147.Your school has received a gift of money. What do you think is the best way for your school to spend this money? Use specific reasons and details to support your choice.

     It has recently announced that our school has received a gift of money. I think that the best way for our school to spend this money is to purchase computers. There are numerous reasons why I support to the opinion above, and I will explain few of the important ones as follows.(it souds like a song )

     To begin with, using computers is a necessary skill for all students. It is undeniable that the technology revolution has made a dramatic impact on the way we live. Nowadays the society is more complicated than it was before. Some skills such as English and computer science are essential for survival in the competitive world. As a result, our school needs to buy computers to make sure that all the students can improve their computer skills. have the opportunities to use computers correctly and practically.(according to cohersion, I change this sentence)

     In addition, computers can provide active teaching ways. (this sentence is a little awkward. computers can be used to help teaching in a new way.)Teachers used to teach students with fixed textbooks only consisting of letters and pictures. When it comes to using computers, it brings us to a definitely new way for teaching. For example, teachers can show a variety of sounds, pictures, and video through computers instead of static materials.

     Last but not least, computer is the best search engine for students.(for what/?) If you want to get something new or search something fast, the library is not the only choice anymore. Computers provide an integrated search interface so that students can search from Internet to get the information that they want effectively and efficiently.

     Due to the reasons that I mentioned above, I think that the best way for our school to spend this money is to purchase computers.

you need at least another sentence at your conclusion.

short, but persuasive essay. it is a good one. the introduction need some change in the style. it seem so simple that readers think that the author is  experienced. (or maybe I just wake up, and have different feeling)

farbaby

我又重新修改了一下,希望各位高手能再幫我看看這樣還有什麼地方需要改進?感謝

147.Your school has received a gift of money. What do you think is the best way for your school to spend this money? Use specific reasons and details to support your choice.

     It has recently announced that our school has received a gift of money. From my point of view, I think that the best way for our school to spend this money is to purchase computers. There are three major reasons as follows.

     To begin with, using computers is a necessary skill for all students. It is undeniable that the technology revolution has made a dramatic impact on the way we live. Nowadays the society is more complicated than it was before. Some skills such as English and computer science are essential for survival in the competitive world. As a result, our school needs to buy computers to make sure that all the students can improve their computer skills.

     In addition, computers can be used to help teaching in a new way. Teachers used to teach students with fixed textbooks only consisting of letters and pictures. When it comes to using computers, it brings us to a definitely new way for teaching. For example, teachers can show a variety of sounds, pictures, and video through computers instead of static materials.

     Last but not least, computer is the best searching engine for students collecting information. If you want to get something new or search something fast, the library is not the only choice anymore. Computers provide an integrated search interface so that students can search from Internet to get the information that they want effectively and efficiently.

     According to the reasons that I presented above, purchasing computers can benefit the students, better teaching methods, and provide powerful searching engine. Therefore, I fully suggest that spend this money to purchase computers.

pengstone

以下是引用farbaby在2004-11-23 1:37:00的发言：
我又重新修改了一下,希望各位高手能再幫我看看這樣還有什麼地方需要改進?感謝

147.Your school has received a gift of money. What do you think is the best way for your school to spend this money? Use specific reasons and details to support your choice.

     It has recently announced that our school has received a gift of money. From my point of view, I think that the best way for our school to spend this money is to purchase computers. There are three major reasons as follows.

     To begin with, using computers is a necessary skill for all students. It is undeniable that the technology revolution has made a dramatic impact on the way we live. Nowadays the society is more complicated than it was before. Some skills such as English and computer science are essential for survival in the competitive world. As a result, our school needs to buy computers to make sure that all the students can improve their computer skills. 最好加一个具体的例子，说明学生为什么要学电脑。

     In addition, computers can be used to help teaching in a new way. Teachers used to teach students with fixed textbooks only consisting of letters and pictures. When it comes to using computers, it 两个“it"指代的对象不一致brings us to a definitely new way for teaching. For example, teachers can show a variety of sounds, pictures, and video through computers instead of static materials.

     Last but not least, computer is the best searching engine for students collecting information. If you want to get something new or search something fast, the library is not the only choice anymore. Computers provide an integrated search interface so that students can search from Internet to get the information that they want effectively and efficiently.

     According to the reasons that I presented above, purchasing computers can benefit the students, better teaching methods, and provide powerful searching engine. Therefore, I fully suggest that spend this money to purchase computers.

论述时还要再具体些。

pengstone

以下是引用farbaby在2004-11-23 1:37:00的发言：
我又重新修改了一下,希望各位高手能再幫我看看這樣還有什麼地方需要改進?感謝

147.Your school has received a gift of money. What do you think is the best way for your school to spend this money? Use specific reasons and details to support your choice.

     It has recently announced that our school has received a gift of money. From my point of view, I think that the best way for our school to spend this money is to purchase computers. There are three major reasons as follows.

     To begin with, using computers is a necessary skill for all students. It is undeniable that the technology revolution has made a dramatic impact on the way we live. Nowadays the society is more complicated than it was before. Some skills such as English and computer science are essential for survival in the competitive world. As a result, our school needs to buy computers to make sure that all the students can improve their computer skills. 最好加一个具体的例子，说明学生为什么要学电脑。

     In addition, computers can be used to help teaching in a new way. Teachers used to teach students with fixed textbooks only consisting of letters and pictures. When it comes to using computers, it 两个“it"指代的对象不一致brings us to a definitely new way for teaching. For example, teachers can show a variety of sounds, pictures, and video through computers instead of static materials.

     Last but not least, computer is the best searching engine for students collecting information. If you want to get something new or search something fast, the library is not the only choice anymore. Computers provide an integrated search interface so that students can search from Internet to get the information that they want effectively and efficiently.

     According to the reasons that I presented above, purchasing computers can benefit the students, better teaching methods, and provide powerful searching engine. Therefore, I fully suggest that spend this money to purchase computers.

论述时还要再具体些。