glw1900作文贴~~新手请指教！

glw1900

With the accelerating development of the information technology, people nowadays find it much easier to share their work and feelings with others all over the world, raising the problem asking whether the government and corporation should share all their scientific discoveries with other countries.

Taking about this issue, I do believe that the more we government and corporation share things with others, the more we will get the payoff in turn, the view that will be demonstrated and explained in several points and dimensions.

In the first place, there is no denying that only by sharing and communicating with others can we get the rapidest developments and foster the most excellent person. It is universally acknowledged that the amazing progress made by all human beings after 17^th century can partly be attributed to the wider and deeper communications within all over the world. So precious is the habit of sharing that we can never afford to abandon it.

Secondly, the problem of sharing the thoughts and scientific discoveries as the heatedly discussed issue has been controversial since it was raised up. Many people standing on the opposite ground keep arguing that by sharing the most valuable results in science with others will cut down the incentives to invent and discover things in the first place due to the fact that some people may steal the results and put them into use to make huge amount of money without paying the inventor a reasonable payoff. The point of view seems superficially indisputable but totally incomplete to construct the logical chain. The discrepancies would be critically considered and corrected in the follows parts of the article.

Even though I strongly propose to share with others, a concept must be justified---sharing does not mean using by free. I am a student spearing no effort to get my paper published to build up my reputation in scholars. In the papering writing, one has to say very clearly about all the reference he use from other papers. In fact, the importance of this can never be exaggerated. If you wants to make money by using one’s design to make products, you have to pay the inventor, a process that have almost been concluded in all the nations’ law.

At last, I want to reinforce my point of view that it really pays to let the government and corporation share all the scientific discoveries with others under some regulations. Because the easiest principle---the more we share, the more we achieve.

开始练作文，第一次写，错误一定很多，望指教~

AnthonySummer

With the accelerating development of the information technology, people nowadays find it much easier to share their work and feelings with others all over the world, raising the problem asking whether the government and corporation should share all their scientific discoveries with other countries.



Taking about this issue, I do believe that the more (we) ourgovernment and corporation share things with others, the more we will get the payoff in turn, the view that will be demonstrated and explained in several points and dimensions. (小段显得太散了，找个模板练吧！）你也没表达是什么态度。



In the first place, there is no denying that only by sharing and communicating with others can we get the rapidest developments and foster the most excellent person. It is universally acknowledged that the amazing progress made by all human beings after the 17th（17th）century can partly be attributed to the wider and deeper communications within all over the world. So precious （啥意思？这句话没看懂）is the habit of sharing that we can never afford to abandon it.



Secondly, the problem of sharing the thoughts and scientific discoveries as the heatedly discussed issue has been controversial since it was raised up. Many people standing on the opposite ground keep arguing that by sharing the most valuable results in science with others will cut down the incentives to invent and discover things in the first place （主语是啥？有语病，句子很长，看起来也很累）due to the fact that some people may steal the results and put them into use to make huge amount of money without paying the inventor a reasonable payoff. The point of view （你前面只描述了事件，没说view）seems superficially indisputable but totally incomplete to construct the logical chain. The discrepancies would be critically considered and corrected in the follows parts of the article. (楼主为什么还没表态啊？模棱两可的！这可是大忌）



Even though I strongly propose sharing with others, a concept must be justified---sharing does not mean using for free. I am a student speaking no effort to get my paper （没看懂）published to build up my reputation in scholars. In the papering writing, one has to say very clearly about all the reference he uses other papers. In fact, the importance of this can never be exaggerated. If you want to make money by using one's design to make products, you have to pay the inventor, a process that has almost been concluded in all the nations' law. （与主旨是什么关系？没有紧扣主题写）



At last, I want to reinforce my point of view that it really pays to let the government and corporation share all the scientific discoveries with others under some regulations. Because the easiest principle---the more we share, the more we achieve.

建议楼主照着OG重写吧~

glw1900

感谢点评，唉，没想到这么烂，看来我还是别发今天的作文了，我先自己研究研究og吧~