deanlone的作文贴

deanlone

10月18日do you agree that the best way for parents to make the children learn about responsibility is to have children care for an animal?
望拍砖

In this day and age, there is little doubt that the responsibility is the most crucial ingredient in supporting the family and the world. It is really vital for parents to have their children learn to be responsible. Parents can achieve this goal in several ways, including making children do some housework—washing bowls or sweeping the floor, permitting children to take care of the pets, or inspiring children to concern their siblings. As each coin has two sides, these methods all have respective positive and negative aspects. To be sure, making children care for a pet is a good way to educate them to know about the responsibility, but I firmly believe this way is not the best.

It is no exaggerate to say that the realization of the value of hard work is the first step of cultivate responsibility. Assisting parents to do some chores can help children understand the significance of manual labor and become matured earlier, and thus children will learn take on. There is no better illustration than the example of my friend Leon, who was appreciated by everyone around him because of his strong sense of responsibility. And he attributes his responsibility to his experience in his young age—sharing responsibility relating to the family.
Thus, only one who learn to share burden from family can be a responsible and respectable person.

Contrast with taking care of pets, concerning siblings will be better and more direct for children to learn about the duty and responsibility. The most essential element in developing responsibility is communication, which is lacking in when children get on with animals. When children taking care of their siblings, through communicating, they can comprehend what their siblings need and know how to get along well. It offers a concrete instance of my older sister, who is the person I adore most. In my young age, so busy were my parents that my older sister had to take care of me. Now she has become such a responsible person that she always share responsibility relate to me, to her friends or her family.

Admittedly, taking care of pets really contribute to the cultivation of responsibility. However, we hardly make sure that every child can get along with the pets. Children don’t know the aggression of animals and are unaware of their actions, which maybe dangerous signals to animals, so sometimes they may provoke the animals without intention, bringing unimaginable tragedy. As can be seen in the figures provided by Peking, 3765 children were hurt by the pets in their respect home last year. Without the guarantee of the children’s safety, using pets to cultivate responsibility will be meaningless.  

Considering all the factors above, we could safely arrived at the conclusion that although making children take care of animals is a good method to help children cultivate responsibility, there are several better ways to guide the children

deanlone

10.19
Do you agree or disagree? It is better to work with your own computer and telephone at your home than work in your company's office.

With the burgeoning of the technology in few decades, now people can keep contact with each other via the Web, and only a computer or a telephone is required. Recently there are an increasing proportion of people who argue that working at home, with the help of Internet and mobile phone, can offer greater freedom and make the employees become more efficiency than working in the office. At first glance, the argument appears to be somewhat convincing, but close inspection reveals that it isn’t compelling as it stands, for the reason that it overlooks the disadvantages of this working pattern and the advantages of the alternative.

To begin with, it is known to us that inertia is the greatest enemy of humanity. Without the supervision of the superior, seldom of employees are likely to work effectively and consciously. At home, where provides us lots of freedom, we can do anything besides work, browsing the Web or chatting with fiends by phone. In contrast, in the office, workers are supposed to work responsible and carefully and have no energy to do something else. There is no better illustration than the example of my friend Leon, who chose to work at home last year and then back to the office now. In the initial time when he worked at home, he boasted that working at home really provide him a more comfortable working environment and a greater freedom to set his own working schedule. However, after several months, he was required to return to the office due to his bad job performance. Just as every coin has two sides, this new working style also is no exception.

Further, although a proportion of employees, who have strong self-consciousness,   can keep on working efficient at home, they also may encounter problems because of the lack of face-to-face communication. In this age of fast communication via MSN or telephone, face-to-face communication seems to be an obsolete and dispensable way, but it really play an essential role in doing business and teamwork. For example, in the teamwork, we are supposed to communicate with our colleagues whenever necessary, and the gesture and the facial expression are so important that may determine the performance of the work seriously. However, we can hardly seize these moments by means of Internet or the mobile phone. Obviously, because of the positive aspect of face-to-face communication, working in the office still is the priority choice.

Admittedly, working at home can benefits employees a lot, providing comfortable working conditions, allowing work with familiar computers and avoiding the constantly inspection of boss. However, there is no guarantee that every people have the highly consciousness to work alone earnestly at home. For me, working at home will destroy me because of my idleness and worse behave. But it may be a good choice for a novelist, who needs a distinctive environment to creation.

Taking into account all these factors, we could safely come to the conclusion that whether you fit the new working style depends on your consciousness, and the lazy had better to working in office.

AnthonySummer

10月18日do you agree that the best way for parents to make the children learn about responsibility is to have children care for an animal?

望拍砖



In this day and age, there is little doubt that the responsibility is the most crucial ingredient in supporting the family and the world. It is really vital for parents to have their children learn to be responsible. Parents can achieve this goal in several ways, including making children do some housework—washing bowls or sweeping the floor, permitting children to take care of the pets, or inspiring children to concern their siblings. As each coin has two sides, these methods all have respective positive and negative aspects. To be sure, making children care for a pet is a good way to educate them to know about the responsibility, but I firmly believe this way is not the best.



It is notexaggerating to say that the realization of the value of hard work is the first step of cultivating responsibility. Assisting parents to do some chores can help children understand the significance of manual labor and become matured earlier, and thus children will learn to take on. There is no better illustration than the example of my friend Leon, who was appreciated by everyone around him because of his strong sense of responsibility. And he attributes his responsibility to his experience in his young age—sharing responsibility relating to the family.

Thus, only one who learns to share the burdenofthe family can be a responsible and respectable person.



Contrast with taking care of pets, concerning siblings will be better and more direct for children to learn about the duty and responsibility. The most essential element in developing responsibility is communication, which is lacking in when children get on with animals. When children taking care of their siblings, through communicating, they can comprehend what their siblings need and know how to get along well. It offers a concrete instance of my older sister, who is the person I adore most. In my young age, so busy were my parents (前半段感觉有些混乱) My parents are very busy) that my older sister had to take care of me. Now she has become such a responsible person that she always shares responsibility relates to me, to her friends or her family.



Admittedly, (加个主语，因为你后面另起一句了） taking care of pets really contributes to the cultivation of responsibility. However, we hardly make sure that every child can get along with the pets. Children don't know the aggression of animals and are unaware of their actions, which maybe dangerous signals to animals.（句号）（不要So） sometimes they may provoke the animals without intention, bringing unimaginable tragedy. As （主语）can be seen in the figures provided by Peking, 3765 children were hurt by the pets in their respect home last year. （last year 放在Peking后面）Without the guarantee of the children's safety, using pets to cultivate responsibility will be meaningless. （有些句子可以省略主语是因为后面出现了，可是你这两句话都没主语啊）



Considering all the factors above, we could safely arrived at the conclusion that although making children take care of animals is a good method to help children cultivate responsibility, there are several better ways to guide the children



整体写的不错，结构和列子都聚得很好，就是有时描述的不清楚，加油吧！

dreamcece

蓝色为意见或建议高亮为精彩绿色为总结红色为错误

Do you agree or disagree? It is better to work with your own computer and telephone at your home than work in your company's office.

With the burgeoning of the technology in few decades, now people can keep contact with each other via the Web, and only a computer or a telephone is required. Recently there are is an increasing proportion of people who argue that working at home, with the help of Internet and mobile phone, can offer greater freedom and make the employees become more efficiency than working in the office. At first glance, the argument appears to be somewhat convincing, but close inspection reveals that it isn’t compelling as it stands, for the reason that it overlooks the disadvantages of this working pattern and the advantages of the alternative. 第一段有效表达太少

To begin with, it is known to us that inertia is the greatest enemy of humanity. Without the supervision of the superior, seldom of employees are likely to work effectively and consciously. 分论点明确At home, where provides us lots of freedom, we can do anything everything besides work, browsing the Web or chatting with fiends by phone. In contrast, in the office, workers are supposed to work responsible responsibly and carefully and have no energy to do something else. There is no better illustration than the example of my friend Leon, who chose to work at home last year and then back to the office now. In the initial time when he worked at home, he boasted that working at home really provide him a more comfortable working environment and a greater freedom to set his own working schedule. However, after several months, he was required to return to the office due to his bad job performance 如果能再具体说这个bad performance是direct related to working at home 就更好了。 这个例子如果就两句话有些单薄，而且最后的bad performance可能有其他原因造成呢，所以不太有说服力. Just as every coin has two sides, this new working style also is no exception.

Further, although a proportion of employees, who have strong self-consciousness,   can keep on working efficient at home, they also may encounter problems because of the lack of face-to-face communication.分论点相互印证，层层递进 In this age of fast communication via MSN or telephone, face-to-face communication seems to be an obsolete and dispensable way, but it really play an essential role in doing business and teamwork. For example, in the teamwork, we are supposed to communicate with our colleagues whenever necessary, and the gesture and the facial expression are so important that may determine the performance of the work seriously. However, we can hardly seize these moments by means of Internet or the mobile phone. Obviously, because of the positive aspect of face-to-face communication, working in the office still is the priority choice.

Admittedly, working at home can benefits employees a lot, providing comfortable working conditions, allowing work with familiar computers and avoiding the constantly inspection of boss. However, there is no guarantee that every people have the highly consciousness to work alone earnestly at home. 前面的让步不错，但是这一段的分论点是这一句吧，抽出来看感觉和第一个论点有重复的地方。For me, working at home will destroy me because of my idleness and worse behave. But it may be a good choice for a novelist, who needs a distinctive environment to creation.

Taking into account all these factors, we could safely come to the conclusion that whether you fit the new working style depends on your consciousness, and the lazy had better to working in office.
总的来说，楼主的表达很流畅，仅有一些小的错误和表意不清的地方。
全文结构清晰，前两个论点十分有效。
比较可惜的是第三段有点狗尾续貂的感觉，可能是时间不够的原因？
建议：第一段增加有效信息，不要打那么长的模板，说清楚你的论点就好了。
嗯，加油吧！

deanlone

10.20
Some people claim that if we have an opportunity to take a secure job, we should take it right away, while others think we should wait for a satisfying job, which do you prefer?

With the improving of the quality of people’s life, everyone now have a stringent requirement for the selection of job. People now are seeking a satisfying job that not only offer high pay but also can fulfill their ambition. However, just as the supply not always meets the demand, merely a small proportion of people can acquire an ideal job. So for most of us, should we waiting for a satisfying job, which is out of reach in a short time, instead of accepting a sound one? The answer is obvious because waiting tends to mean undermining and passive struggling.

To begin with, there is no conflict between working in a stable job and seeking the opportunity to jump to the ideal job. A stable job won’t be a hinder for you to find a better one. Just make use of the time after work, we can also learn more and apply to the satisfied job. George Soros, the famous hedge fund manager, started his career as a trainee in Singh's and Fred orchid. He using spare time to get touch with other famous companies and finally fulfill his career. Every job opportunity maybe a key to your career, so don’t despise any job you can get.

Further, our life is a process of consuming, so there is no time for us to squander. In addition, waiting always bring us negative feeling and undermine our passion. There is no better illustration than my brother Leon, who dreams to be a trader in Goldman all the time. Being above taking the job of investment counselor or accountant, he opted to stay at home and learn the knowledge what a trader needs. Unfortunately, the longer he sitting at home, the more passive he seems to be. When I visited Leon last month, he was no long the ambitious person I was acquainted with but the one who was moping around home. Apparently, only working, no matter on a steady job or an unsatisfied job, can spur us to chase our content job.

Most importantly, facing the increasingly fierce competition in this society, we need the accumulation of the working experience to stand out from the crowd. Thus, a secure and stable job is the best choice for undergraduate to accumulate working experience and adapt to the society.  For me, who is a undergraduate and aspired to be a fund manager, after graduation the only option is to take a practical job relate to fund investment that can offer me the fundamental skills and necessary experience, needed in the future. Thus, everything can’t be accomplished in one move, and only we grasp any opportunity but waiting can guide us to our ideal job.

All in all, what our career need is progression but waiting, which won’t take any change to our life. So never take any job lightly or give it away too quickly.

deanlone

5.10.21
If you need to discuss upsetting or controversial problems with others, you will use e-mail or text messaging, OR use the telephone or voice-messaging.

With the burgeoning of the Internet in the few decades, the methods, by which people communicate, are no longer constrained to face-to-face. The advent of the Internet and the mobile phone, which we are now using in everyday life, make it possible for people to keep contact even if they are far away. By the time people encounter some disputable issues, they will send an e-mail or make a call to seek help. As opposed to generally accepted view, I believe that among these channels is the written form a better choice for people to discuss the controversial problems. My point can be greatly substantiated by the following reasons.

To begin with, so sensitive I am that I tend to regard any tiny expression and nonverbal behavior as embodying special meaning. Even a glimpse of something can bother me for a long time. When I must communicate about something upsetting or controversial, I like to use e-mails or text messages so that I am not bothered by people’s reactions. If I cannot see how others are responding, I can remain focused on the problem and stay in the best condition to solve it.

Further, compared with a phone call, which maybe interference other’s private life unintentionally, an e-mail tends to be a more suitable and friendly way to ask for help. You may have experienced such a situation that while in the library, classroom and the dinner your phone disturbs you. For example, last Friday as I ran into a really intricate problem in the process of modeling, I called my processor soon, and this is how the tragedy begins: after several phone rings, eventually my processor answered the phone, but he said in a quite low vice that his was in a seminar and would ring back after; at that time I felt actually embarrassed and sorry.  Thus, if we don’t want to interrupt others, we had better mail them first when we encounter problems.

Most importantly, the vexed questions are supposed to be so difficult to be state clearly and logically that sometimes people will make some confused via the phone. When people talk about upsetting and controversial issues, they are easily excited and then easily become involved in arguments However, mailing provides us a better avenue towards presenting a whole scale of the problem, for the reason that we have adequate time to explain the problem explicitly. There is no better illustration than my friend Leon, who always turns to me for help once he falls into problems. But every time he phoned me to discuss about the problems, I just hardly understand him due to his poor ability of expression. Finally, we will choose to use mailing to solve the questions. Obviously, mailing is the most appropriate method to discuss the problems.

All in all, after taking the reasons listed above into consideration, the advantages of mailing can never be exaggerated.

kiddy72

Some people claim that if we have an opportunity to take a secure job, we should take it right away, while others think we should wait for a satisfying job, which do you prefer?

With the improving of the quality of people’s life, everyone now have a stringent requirement for the selection of job. People now are seeking a satisfying job that not only offer high pay but also can fulfill their ambition. However, just as the supply not always meets the demand, merely a small proportion of people can acquire an ideal job. So for most of us, should we waitingwait for a satisfying job, which is out of reach in a short time, instead of accepting a sound one? The answer is obvious because waiting tends to mean undermining and passive struggling.

To begin with, there is no conflict between working in a stable job and seeking the opportunity to jump to the ideal job. A stable job won’t be a hinder for you to find a better one. Just makemaking use of the time after work, we can also learn more and apply to the satisfied job. George Soros, the famous hedge fund manager, started his career as a trainee in Singh's and Fred orchid. He usingused spare time to get touch with other famous companies and finally fulfilled his career. Every job opportunity maybemay be a key to your career, so don’t despise any job you can get.

Further, our life is a process of consuming, so there is no time for us to squander. In addition, waiting always brings us negative feeling and undermines our passion. There is no better illustration than my brother Leon, who dreams to be a trader in Goldman all the time. Being above taking the job of investment counselor or accountant, he opted to stay at home and learn the knowledge what a trader needs. Unfortunately, the longer he sittingsat at home, the more passive he seemsseemed to be. When I visited Leon last month, he was no long the ambitious person I was acquainted with but the one who was moping around home. Apparently, only working, no matter on a steady job or an unsatisfied job, can spur us to chase our content job.

Most importantly, facing the increasingly fierce competition in this society, we need the accumulation of the working experience to stand out from the crowd. Thus, a secure and stable job is the best choice for undergraduate to accumulate working experience and adapt to the society.  For me, who is a undergraduate and aspired to be a fund manager, after graduation the only option is to take a practical job relate to fund investment that can offer me the fundamental skills and necessary experience, needed in the future. Thus, everything can’t be accomplished in one move, and only we grasp any opportunity but waiting can guide us to our ideal job.

All in all, what our career need is progression but waiting, which won’t take any change to our life. So never take any job lightly or give it away too quickly.

词汇句式都非常丰富～好厉害！学习之～就是时态啊神马的小问题注意下
还有个人觉得那个选择稳定的是为了找到ideal job这个理由可能值得斟酌 A or B的时候最好避免说选A是为了以后得到B  因为很多时候貌似也可以说选B是为了以后能得到A 这样的话貌似逻辑不是很缜密 个人意见哈～可以商讨！

deanlone

多谢~~我也觉得自己的逻辑有点不太对，作文老是看的怪怪的

mcs6436288

If you needto discuss upsetting or controversial problems with others, you will use e-mailor text messaging, OR use the telephone or voice-messaging.

 With theburgeoning of the Internet in the few decades, the methods, by which peoplecommunicate, are no longer constrained to face-to-face. The advent of theInternet and the mobile phone, which we are now using in everyday life, make（makes） it possiblefor people to keep contact even if they are far away. By the time（感觉没用对）people encounter some disputable issues, they will send an e-mail or make acall to seek help. As（去掉）opposed to generally accepted view, I believe that among these channels is thewritten form a better choice for people to discuss the controversial problems.My point can be greatly substantiated by the following reasons.

 To beginwith, so sensitive I amthat I tend to regard any tiny expression and nonverbal behavior as embodyingspecial meaning.（as effectivemethods to embody special meaning） Even a glimpse of something can bother me for a long time. When I must communicate about something upsetting orcontroversial, I would liketo use e-mails or text messages so that I am not (would not be) bothered by people’s reactions. If I cannot see how others areresponding, I can remain focused on the problem and stay in the best conditionto solve it.（这句话感觉还是有点问题，请指正）

 Further,compared with a phone call, which maybe interference interfere other’s private life unintentionally, an e-mailtends to be a more suitable and friendly way to ask for help. You may haveexperienced such a situation that while in the library, classroom and the dinner your phonedisturbs you （or dinner yourphone rings and disturbs you.） For example, last Friday as I ran into areally intricate problem in the process of modeling, I called my processor（ 想说professor吧，我愣了半天不知道什么意思） soon, and this is how the tragedy begins: after severalphone rings, eventually my processor answered the phone, but he said in a quitelow vice that his was in a seminar andwould ring back after; atthat time I felt actually embarrassed and sorry.  Thus,（感觉这里不能用thus，逻辑关系不是那么强烈） if we don’t want to interrupt others, we had better mailthem first when we encounter problems.

 Mostimportantly, the（去掉）vexedquestions are supposed to be so difficult to be state clearly and logically that sometimes people will makesome confused via the phone（so + a. todo,不知道还能不能构成so…that的结构，读起来很别扭的。另起一句） When people talk about upsetting and controversial issues,they are easily excited and then easily become involved in arguments. However,mailing provides us a better avenue towards presenting a whole scale of theproblem, for the reasonthat we have adequate time to explain the problem explicitly.（for 直接加+带一大堆修饰，感觉不好，用because of也不好，我感觉还是用because另起一句好） Thereis no better illustration than my friend Leon, who always turns to me for helponce he falls into problems. But every time he phoned me to discuss about the problems, I just hardly understand him dueto his poor ability of expression. Finally, we will chooseto （we cannot but to） use mailingto solve the questions (还是用problems吧，突然变成question有点突兀). Obviously, mailing is the most appropriate method todiscuss the problems.

 All in all, after taking thereasons listed above into consideration, the advantages of mailing can never beexaggerated. Taking的逻辑主语不能是advantages。

deanlone

今天懒了。。。看书积累句子和单词，明天再写作文