10月机经作文--冲刺29！谢谢围观批改！！

小乌龟吃土豆

10月机经题目：Do you agree with the viewpoint that people are now easier to become educated than in the past? 谢谢各位大侠！！求批改~请不吝赐教！！

Compared with the 19th century, nowadays has witnessed a huge number of changes in many fields. Education is always one of the essential tasks for the governments of various countries to increase their citizen's qualities. Besides, the development of science and technology has made people access to different advanced inventions, such as, multi-media, computers, Internet and so on. What's more, with the world is becoming a global village, it is more and more convenient for people coming from different areas to travel to other places around the whole world. All the improvement mentioned above contribute people to get educated.


Thanks to the governments, more financial supports make it possible for people, both the rich and the poor, both the old and the young, have the opportunity to accept the compulsive education for free and the college education by loan. A social research around the world has claimed that in the past 50 years, more than 5000 colleges and universities have been established, which has led approximately 375 million people to the college education. What a huge number it is! In China, 40 years ago, going to school is the privilege of the rich because of the large amount of tuition and the boys because of the gender discrimination. Since 1984 when China
carried on the new policy of Nine-Year Compulsive Education, the school has been the second major place for every child to stay, studying, playing and preparing for their brighter future. In 2001, China made another educational policy that allows people who are older than 55 to go to college, a policy that offers an opportunity for the old who have lost the chance when they were young and still have the ambitions to study new knowledge.

To get educated could be not only from schooling but also from other accesses, and what people could do is to take advantage of various kinds of medias. Television programs and DVDs play an important role to educate the audience and my favorite programs are Animal World, Discovery and National Geography, which have taught me a lot about the science and nature with the vivid videos on the screen. Meanwhile, Internet is a key to mass of information, from which people could get knowledge by themselves. For example, my father, a fan of photography but without the professional education, usually searches some e-books in the e-library on the internet, and if lucky enough, he can find out the teaching videos from the websites, so now my father becomes the photography expert in my family! Hence, it is not exaggerated to say with the help of science and technology people in the modern time have more open doors to be educated.


As an old saying goes, experience is the best teacher. Nowadays, more convenient transportations and higher life standards lead traveling to be a popular and meaningful way to get people relaxed and educated. Traveling to other places that people are not familiar with can broaden their horizons and pick up fresh things, and traveling to other countries can let people know more about the culture and histories that they hardly learn from text books. For example, when I went to South Korea, I pick up the Korean traditional manners--respecting the old and being patient and polite all the time--which gave me a good lesson for my whole life.

小乌龟吃土豆

为什么没人回复呀，~~~大家共同学习，提点建议总会对我有帮助的呀~~

追梦CY

语言不是太地道
建议多积累好词好句好短语
加油

小乌龟吃土豆

请问 能否举几个例子，哪些语言不地道吗？谢谢

小乌龟吃土豆

语言不是太地道
建议多积累好词好句好短语
加油

-- by 会员 追梦CY (2012/10/11 23:16:07)

请问能否举几个例子，文中哪些语言不地道吗？谢谢

rookie12345678

Compared with the 19th century, nowadays has witnessed a huge number of changes in many fields. Education is always one of the essential tasks for the governments of various countries to increase their citizen's qualities. Besides, the development of science and technology has made people access to different advanced inventions, such as (namely), multi-media, computers, Internet and so on. What's more, with the world is becoming a global village (with the world becoming a global village), it is more and more convenient for people coming from different areas to travel to other places around the whole world. All the improvement mentioned above contribute people to get educated (All the improvement(s) mentioned above contribute to people's better education 引用百科全书 - contribute 1. in/transitive verb：a. give or supply in common with others (donate money or time) b. offer opinion c. provide works for publication 2. be partial cause of something. 个人觉得写成All the improvements mentioned above contribute to the improved quality of education)

Thanks to the governments, more financial supports make it possible for people, both the rich and the poor, both the old and the young, (to) have the opportunity to accept the compulsive education for free and the college education by loan. A social research around the world has claimed that in the past 50 years, more than 5000 colleges and universities have been established, which has led approximately 375 million people to the college education. What a huge number it is! In China, 40 years ago, going to school is (was) the privilege of the rich because of the large amount of tuition and (of) the boys because of the gender discrimination. Since 1984 when China
carried on the new policy of Nine-Year Compulsive Education, the school has been the second major place for every child to stay, studying(study), playing(play) and preparing(prepare) for their brighter future. In 2001, China made another educational policy that allows people who are older than 55 to go to college, a policy that offers an opportunity for the old who have lost the chance when they were young and (but) still have the ambitions to study new knowledge. 这句话也不清楚，为年长者提供了一个机会，一个什么机会？
To get educated could be not only from schooling but also from other accesses, and what people could do is to take advantage of various kinds of medias (media). Television programs and DVDs play an(the) important role(s) to educate the audience and my favorite programs are Animal World, Discovery and National Geography, which have taught me a lot about the science and nature with the vivid videos on the screen. (该句子没有逻辑关系有些像run-on sentence） Meanwhile, Internet is a key to mass of information, from which people could get knowledge by themselves. For example, my father, a fan of photography but without the professional education, usually searches some e-books in the e-library on the internet, and if lucky enough, he can find out the teaching videos from the websites, so now my father becomes the photography expert in my family! (这个句子也看着很不舒服，句子是很长但全是简单句还带有口语，根据英语母语读者的习惯重要的事是要放在前面说而这句说了半天father如何如何终于so了，结果就是becoming the photography expert in family这么短的一个结论)Hence, it is not exaggerated to say with the help of science and technology people in the modern time have more open doors to be educated (door 1.movable panel at entrance. 2.gap forming entrance 3.building or room)


As an old saying goes, experience is the best teacher. Nowadays, more convenient transportations and higher life standards lead traveling to be a popular and meaningful way to get people relaxed and educated. Traveling to other places that people are not familiar with can broaden their horizons and pick up fresh things (这个句子语意比较奇怪，为什么traveling可以pick up fresh things), and traveling to other countries can let people know more about the culture and histories that they hardly learn from text books. For example, when I went to South Korea, I pick(ed) up the Korean traditional manners--respecting the old and being patient and polite all the time--which gave me a good lesson for my whole life.

只看了一些个人认为会影响对文章整体感觉的地方，才疏学浅难免有误，也请斧正。个人一些拙见，整体感觉好像你应该之前有对T作文大量的积累，有很多具体数字并且喜欢举个人例子,但语言上还有提高的空间

小乌龟吃土豆

喔，谢谢你的批改，有些地方很一针见血，自己写的时候，没感觉，别人一改就出问题啦。。。呵呵
关于namely（也就是，即）我想它应该跟的举例是全面的意思等同的内容，但是当无法全部都举完的话，还是such as 好吧
在你建议基础上，我自己要再改改，谢谢你啦~~