以下是引用superdaisy在2004-11-3的发言：162.Some famous athletes and entertainers earn millions of dollars every year.Do you think these people deserve such high salaries?Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. It is not an amazing thing to hear that a famous football star earned 3,000,000 dollars this year.That is just what he deserves. (有点突忽其来, 首段只有主题句一句.不完整且单薄) A star would never get a good pay if he/she was not popular with the public.Then why he/she is more popular than others?I bet that everyone could get a high salary if he/she is excellent enough in his/her occupation.Take Backstreet Boys for an example,they have a good sense of music and their records are acclaimed by fans all over the world,so it is not hard to imagine their high salaries. (各句子之间跳跃性比较大, 缺乏衔接. 如BACKSTREET BOYS有好的乐感, 所以就应该挣大钱吗?) Also,we could easily tell that most of the famous athletes and entertainers got a high pay only for a period of time,usually when they were at a young age,the most precious period in one's life. (有观点,没例子或说明) Furthermore,these pivotal figures are always much busier than others.Having freedom and secrets exists almost only in their imagination.We can say nothing but feel sorry to Diana's death.How lucky we are able to walk in a street freely whenever we want to. (例子不合适, Diana既不是体育明星,也不是娱乐界人物.她挣不挣工资我就不知道了.) Yes,in my point of view,some famous athletes and entertainers earn much more than others because of their excellent presentation,donation of youth,loss of private space,and huge pressure.So ,you can see,money is fair,because it is not so easy to be earned,no matter who you are. (相对其它几段来说, 结尾算是不错的. 但口语话倾向较重, 要注意培养一点ACADEMIC的味道. 在用词用句上还要加强.) 马上要考试了，目前还没有找到自己的模版，写得实在是太慢了，希望大家帮帮我。谢谢。 总体感觉, 因为对字句的把握能力还较弱. 所以表达意思也比较不连贯性. 各段落都有展开不够的问题. 不知道你所谓的"自己的模板"是什么意思, CD上贴有很多不错的文章, 可以好好体会一下.
不知道怎么改, 干脆东施效颦, 学蛙蛙写样板. 把你这个题目重写一遍. 在班上匆匆而就, 希望大家帮助修改.
One of the many attractive things of being a famous athletes or a movie star is that they make much more money than general people in other career. Some people adore and admire those famous entertainers; however, there are some who feel jealous and complain that a popular star does not deserve such a high salary as millions dollars. I don’t want argue who, an athlete or a scientist, make more contribution to the human society. I just want to have people think why those famous stars earn such high salaries.
Michael Jordan earned 30 million dollars a year not because of his boss’s generosity. He earned this money with his genius basketball skills; He earned this money because his boss earned more from the audiences who were entertained by Michael’s excellent performance in the games. Moreover, the audiences enjoyed watching Michael’s performance not because he is one of their relatives. They went to stadiums to watch the Flying Man’s eminent skills which have them wholly immersed in the beauty of sports. As the example of Michael Jordan has proved, the reason that famous athletes or entertainers earn high salaries is the expertise they showed for their specialties.
To be an expert in any field is not easy, and to be one of the top ones is more difficult. This rule is more true for those who pursue an athletic or entertaining career. Tens of thousands people take sports as a career, only hundreds of them get the chance to go to Olympic game every four years. And only few, if not none, among those who go to Olympics may win the metals and become famous. In a movie, there are hundreds of actors and actress playing for various roles. How many of them could be remembered and become stars? I would say, that every penny the stars earned is from their sweat. Even the risk alone, which they take in the athletic or entertaining career, makes them more worthy of high salaries.
This hasn’t count the athletes’ and entertainers’ short career life in. The world of sports and entertainment shows no sympathy to anyone who once built or is building it. When an athlete is getting old, when he cannot be faster, higher, and better anymore, he will be abandoned ruthlessly by his boss, his team, his once fans, and the whole athletic world. In the world of entertainment, last year’s super star may have to disclose his or her own privacy to catch more eyeballs this year. Actually, if we distribute the high salaries those famous stars earn into a 30 year period, which is a very typical length for a general career, we will find the money they earn is not as high as we imagined.
There is no such an existing thing which is really unreasonable, especially when this thing concerns money. People pay money for the things they feel worth it. Employers pay the salaries to those employees who produce more value. Considering the hard work the athletes and entertainers have paid, and the risks they have taken, I think they absolutely deserve the high salaries they earn, if they don’t deserve more.
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发表于 2004-11-3 00:00:00
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