d0gzi 狗子狗子最后一周作文贴……把我拍晕吧……

huluhulufei

Do you still remember how happy you used to be in kindergarten when learning is still a fun process where As are not the ultimate goal? Do you still remember you and other kids do mathematics and write simple prose or poems for parents just because you want to instead of for grades? Do you still remember how you feel when your name did(前后时态一致，kindergarten的地方用现在时，到了高中就过去时了) not appear at the top on the rank list posted on the wall of your high school front gate? If you do, you must have noticed the disadvantages of grading in students’ learning process in today’s society.排比，观点明确，不错

First, it seems that teachers tend to abuse strict mark principles（什么意思？滥用什么？换一种说法： teachers tend to highlight the significance of marks…） to such an enormous extent that it rather than encourage students, starts to devastate students’ interest to learn. According to a survey conducted by Peking University, the most well-known and outstanding university in China, 91.7% middle school and 99.8% high school students are ranked for every single test and examination. If this is the case, on no account will students still learn for fun or the passion for knowledge anymore (此处理由没有说，应该强调一下学生为了考高分而获得的痛苦，不然前后的因果关系只有中国学生能看明白，老美觉得没啥). Everyone（+who） attends school just(换成：is with the aim) to beat others. When asked what she would do after the university-entrance examination in China, my 17 year-old-cousin simply replied, “Burn all the books”.
感觉楼主的观点有些偏激，还是先正面阐述一下student的burden，然后后面那个例子最好换一下，感觉老外看到这个烧书的状况不能理解，把人家吓着了。。换一种方式更好。
Apart from ruining the fun for studying, grading criteria are quite slippery for many subjects where answers are far more complicated than right or wrong. Therefore, the assertive grading may kill students’ potential cruelly. This varies from writing part for Chinese, drawing, music, art appreciation as well as other subjects involving novelty and creativity. How could teachers access students drawing skills? Is a student who is able to draw a more straight line much better than one who can not? When Van Gogh was alive, there was no one in this world could appreciate his painting. Because of the cruel and inhuman marking and ranking system, maybe another Van Gogh is killed during his youth. 感觉楼主语言好激动啊。。这种设问的方式能不能换一种说法？理论的部分能不能平和地说出来呢？

Of course, grading can motivate students to some extent, as it can help students to position themselves and set further goals. However, when taking students’ interests, passion for knowledge and potential in to consideration, its disadvantages outweighs its merits.



整体感觉没有上一篇好，主要是说话方式的问题，能不能理性地平和地说呢？语言也少许注意一下，尤其是动词的用法~~

d0gzi

谢谢HULU~~~~~~~~~~~：）
受教啦 > <

loveluyuanbai

改的有点晚 不好意思哈！不过好像有人给你改过了。。。

sang824

The article argues that ethonol fuel is not a good replacement for gasoline by providing several reasons, while the listening material considers those reasons as unconvincing and invalid.

First, according to the lecturer, the use of ethanol fuel will help to solve global warming, one of the environmental problems caused by the use of gasoline. When corns and sugar canes, the source of ethanol fuel grown, they absorb carbon dioxide as part of nutrition, which helps to remove carbon dioxide from atmosphere. This contradicts the idea in the passage.这个要写的

Second, the professor points out the use of ethonol fuel does not necessarily reduce food source for animals. It is possible to make ethanol from cellulose, which is the main opponent for the parts that are not eaten by animals. This point directly contradicts the assertion made in the passage.同上段

Third, although it is true that the present relatively low price of ethanol is because of tax subsides provided by the government, this subsides will not be always needed. In the future, when more people start to buy ethanol, production will increase and finally lead to a drop in prize. According to the data, if the number of customers becomes three times greater, the price will drop 40%. Therefore, the professor contradicts with the idea made in the article.

听力问题不大，细节都听清了，好棒
但是reading的内容不能只用idea,assertion带过啊，还是要说一下..

搞G战士DB

According to Francis Bacon, one of the most intelligent philosophers in human history, “The only thing we learn from history is that we have never learnt from history.”As far as I am concerned, though well-known Bacon is, his statement is too definite and assertive to be true,（.） and experience, or rather cases of solving problems in the past，can nevertheless provide us with valuable information to deal with present problems, not only for individuals, but also for countries or even （for）the whole world. 这一句太长了！！！要断句啊！！！

开头段很好！

First, cases of solving problems successfully in the past could provide us with a formula, like a formula in mathematics（,） which allows us to handle all problems falling in that(这个that的指代是？用a就行) pattern. According to a survey conducted by Peking University, one of the lead university in China, 89.7% people always find it much easier for them to learn a third language if they have gone through the miserable process of mastering a second language（GOOD!老美就喜欢有具体数字的例子）. The underlining reason（underlying reason） is that people have developed their own unique ways to learn a foreign language by struggling with the second language, and just adopt this technique（skill吧）when learning a third one. More surprisingly, there is an Indian professor in our university who masters eight languages fluently and elegently(elegantly). When asked why(how.然后觉得when asked why这种用法怪怪的，但不知错没错), he simply answered, “It is hard to learn a second language. After that, everything just flows out naturally.”这一段的例子很好，很有说服力。但是例子举完了后，要跟分论点结合起来，否则跟题目就不紧密连接了，你懂我意思。可以加上Thus learning from the past is blah blah…

Even if the previous experience does not turn out to be successful, looking back and learning are still beneficial. Edison knew 1388 ways not to make a bubble. The point is not he failed, but he learnt from the former failure and ruled out 1388 materials not suitable to make a continuously luminous bubble. As a result, he lit up the whole world. (我826考试时也写的这个例子- -)很好的例子，不过这段稍微有点儿短哈。

Apart from individuals, experience and lessons learnt from the past also helpsthe present and the future of a country, or even （of）the whole world. Tense the relationship between China and Japan is, Chinese government is strongly opposed to warfare even if protest of Chinese citizens arises in every single province in China, simply because of the former experience of how much people will（前面是former experience 这儿是will..改成suffered） suffer from war. (这一句的结构把我搞晕了，亲可以跟我讲一下你的想法哈，都不知道怎么给你改。)If each and every country could bear what they have leant（learnt） in the previous war, the world will definitely become a more tranquil and harmonious place.

Of course, there is no definite thing. Over-emphasizing on the past could also restraints our minds and narrows our horizon. However, learning from the past to a modest extent can definitely help us, meaning human race both individually and as a whole, to distinguish right from wrong and conduct work more efficiently.结尾很棒！



亲的作文很棒，开头结尾很赞。我水平有限，找不出什么错误。结构没有问题，整体读下来也很舒服。

提一个建议，亲的例子都很棒，但是每段都是先说分论点，然后举例子，然后就没有然后了……就像我在第二段给的建议一样，说完例子要扯回分论点，跟题目结合起来，让别人知道你举这个例子的目的是什么，你怎样加强了你的论点。

然后是引号的问题，注意一下这种小问题。还有尽量少用过短的简单句，毕竟是书面语。

Such an honor it is to revise your writing. I’ve really learned a lot from you. ^^ 继续加油！

d0gzi

9 19 It is more important to choose friends that have fun with than to choose friends that will help you when you need them.
21:19-9:49   57


Have you ever gone down names of contacts in your phone but could not even find one to talk with? Have you ever waken up during the midnight feeling so desperate but did not know whom to contact? Have you ever got lost in a strange district but had no one to pick you up? If you have had any of those experiences, you must have known the importance of having a real friend, in other words, a friend who will always be there for you whatever happens.

As the saying goes, a friend in need is a friend in deed. A friend who can pull us out of a mire are of enormous importance as they gives us the courage and energy to keep on. On no account could we make it when facing a dilemma without such assistance. According to Nietzsche, an extraordinarily intelligent German philosopher, human beings are poor animals struggling alone in this lonely plant. Though great Nietzsche may be, I am opposed to this particular statement to a certain extent. However terrible and desperate situations could be, I believe the possibility to succeed, because I never fight this lonely life alone. When I first came to University of Macau to study English, I even could not distinguish “think” from “sink”. Local students whose mother tongue are Cantonese declared that they could not understand my English at all, for we are from different regions of China and thus have different accents. It is my friend back home who kept consoling me, assuring me everything will be fine as well as recommending me American TV shows which, by repeatedly watching, helps me to correct a bunch of pronunciation mistakes. I am not arguing friends I made in Macau whom I could go to parties and bars and share joy in life with are not good, yet only that friend could I share all the sorrows and helplessness. Only through the help from that friend could I pick up my dusted sword from the ground again and kept on fighting.

Additionally, apart from the enormous benefice and support a friend who can help you when needed brings, the difficulty to find such a friend also makes it important. It is possible and easy to find a friend who can share jokes and joy from you, yet so hard to find someone to cry together. By paying fifty RMB or several dollars and going to any bar, you can always find tons of people who would like to swing, sing, dance, laugh and even scream with you. But when you feel frustrated, none of them can hand you over a single piece of tissue. According to a survey conducted by the Peking University, one of the leading university in China, 79% teenage and 87.6% adults claim that they have plenty friends who could hang out with yet none of them could they confide to or cry with. Almost every single one of the students involved in the survey, however, shows strong desire to have a "real friend", in other words, a friend who they can share sorrowness and sadness with. In this way, the very rareness yet benefice of such kind of friends urges us to find ones to share burdens in our lives with.

Of course, there is no definite thing in this world. It is no denying that we always need humorous and happy figures around us to remind us the meaning of life. However, by taking how rare and valuable a friend who can in fact help you in to account, the importance of finding this kind of friends overweighs having a friendly who merely can joke around.


T-T 为什么每次都写不完呢……

d0gzi

~~~

stefaniewyh

亲啊。。你写的这是21号的独立。。。。。。
我明天写完再帮你改吧。
你19号的还写不？

d0gzi

920 独立

The most important investment of a company is to improve the skills of its employees.
12:51-35
Recently, a survey has been conducted by a university to find out the most worthwhile investment for a company. Opinions vary from company to company and the diversified answers eventually converged into three: better facilities, more plausible advertisements as well as improvement of skills of employees. As far as I am concerned, applying an abundant budge in enhancing abilities of employees is the most important of all three. It is not only favorable, but necessary, for both new and experienced employees.

At the first place, a great amount of budge should be applied on trainings as it can enhance employees’ knowledge and skills in a certain field. For young people who just graduate from universities without plenty knowledge about their future career, this process is necessary for it exposes them with considerable knowledge, theories before they actually take over a new position. Only through this could a newly-recruited employee be prepared and thus qualified for a certain job. When I first obtained a part-time job as a waitress in a Café shop, I got strict trainings as I had not got a similar job before. After being supervised by a week, I could extinguish French toast from normal bread, Latte from espresso, though all of them are alien for Chinese people. Another girl, however, refused to get that training as she was extremely confident due to her previous working experience as a waitress in a Chinese restaurant. She screwed up by failing to distinguish different types of coffee eventually as there were no need to remember all those complicated coffee names in her former working place. This kind of case is not rare; it is just one of many examples I have experienced. No matter how easy the job seems to be, a training period is always necessary and make new employees qualified for the work.

Though important the training is for new employees, it is also of enormous importance for experienced employees who have stayed in the enterprise for years. Along with the rapid development and change of world economy, senior employees should also be given the chance for re-training, which allows them to know how to use the most-updated equipments and catch up with the trend of market. According to statistics, companies constantly providing employees training program profit 76.8% more than those who do not. This definitely indicates how wise an investment is to improve employees’ skills. A company that is blind to the importance of employee training can not afford the huge price.

Of course, more investments in equipments and advertisements are also needed. However, it is the employees who operate those investments and directly communicate with customers attracted by those advertisements. Without a team consisting of full-devoted and experienced employees, never could a company make a large profit and keep developing.

d0gzi

……啊……对不起我写的时候没注意是21号的……

19号的我发了。。。才发现当时日期写成“18号"了……我太晕了不好意思……

现在把20号的发上了~~不好意思啦~~~> <