笨鸟先飞#2 满分TOEFL独立写作深度解析， 你也能做到！

jojoonepiece

前些天在成绩出炉后，半夜快马加鞭写了一篇感恩+经验贴，主要内容是罗列自己32天暴力复习法三个阶段的一些细节，链接如下
http://forum.chasedream.com/TOEFL_iBT/thread-764797-1-1.html

针对一些CDer想在独立写作赢得高分的愿望，今晚再开一帖：笨鸟先飞#2。 如果大家对别的方面也有疑惑，我会争取时间针对性地继续“笨鸟先飞”系列（口语除外，自觉没话语权，不敢误人子弟）

综合写作此贴暂不赘言，我的理解，它其实是考查“速记”的能力，加上自己修改过的模版。我自己所用的模版在上一贴已放上，感谢judgex.

正文 （为防沉贴，以求只言片语对大家有所启发，所以需回复可见，诸多不便，望包涵）
首先看OG对于5分作文的要求（还是那句话，一开始就以5分的评分标准来构建自己的写作，最后成绩即使有些许落差也绝对不低。）

5分标准
An essay at this level largely accomplishes all of the following:
Effectively addresses the topic and task

Is well organized （不是说firstly,secondly,last but not least, 就代表well organized,而是要看紧接这些词你具体要讲的内容。）and well developed, using clearly appropriate explanations,
exemplifications, and/or details （每讲一个Point,都要深度挖掘它。不要浪费你的每一个point,而是要充分的利用，用例子支撑）

Displays unity (其实就是上面的well-organized，让整个篇章有整体性，而不是思路便秘的东拼西凑各种Points，unity需要progression+coherence才能达成), progression(深度挖掘每一个point) , and coherence（各个points之间要有不断提升高度的层次感，或者不断深入的递进感）

Displays consistent facility in the use of language, demonstrating syntactic variety, appropriate word choice, and idiomaticity, though it may have minor
lexical or grammatical errors （用词多样性，比如你要解释A很重要，这里“重要”就是你文章的主题词，会高频出现。一开始用significant,接下来用vital,然后of great significance, essential, supreme, predominant,这样就在你的Points内容上不断提升高度的同时，所用的主题词也有意识地用越来越高级的词来表达。那怎么收集这些词呢？背阅读单词镇魂表喽。像“重要”，“多样”，“复杂”镇魂表中都有很多同义词，每天选几个来背，给自己一个月的坚持，就行了。这也都是很琐碎的东西，但你没意识去做就永远无法习得。p.s.镇魂表在toefl版有，我上个贴的附件压缩包"word"里面也有。）

当然打字也得练快点，我在CD看过人说过若要28以上，独立写作一般都是450以上。我无从考证，但自己觉得要深度挖掘你的points，其实也真的需要多一些字数来实现。我平时练习都是争取480以上字数（当然要保证别太多 typos）。最后在考场超常发挥打了590字，自己都被吓着（本人打字以前很慢的）

ets的话，我重新总结一下，即
1）一开始就要明确表明你的态度。在简单引入后，就直接表态（本人没有能力写那种“不同情况不同态度”的分类讨论高度牛文，所以一直是从头到尾一种态度）
2）每个point(即每一段）都要把这个point深度利用，压榨每一个point的价值，用杜撰的例子来撑场，这样就实现评分标准中的progession.
3）各个point(各段之间),要体现有相关的层次感，可以是并列（如家长对儿女的成长中扮演的角色，可以分成“幼儿”，“青少年”，“进社会后”，“自己成家育女”，这样几个以成长为轴线的points);也可以是层层递进的层次感（如originality的影响，可以分为“个人成长”，“家庭”，“domestic的经济，文化”，“international context",逐渐放大范围）。这样就实现coherence.
有了2）和3），progession+coherence=unity
4）主题词不重复，而是多样性地用词。同时不要敲错词。
5）不要总是用长句。我通常都是两句短句+一句长句的形式。不然总是长句，谁都受不了。同时，为了内容的深入而增加字数，千万不要为了增加字数而增加字数。能用一个词表达不要用两个，托福不喜欢没效率的表达。比如The fact is 而不要用It is well-documented the fact that,这样属于shit talking。你大可在内容的挖掘上大做文章，无需着墨于这些无内容的短语。毕竟雅思那一套在toefl是水土不服的）

接下来我用一篇在复习到大概第15天时写的文章，来解释如何融汇ets的标准。（仓促间找不到临考前写的比较好的作文，等找到再贴上。但接下来这篇因为也是有意识地根据ETS的标准来写的，而后来我的写作也是按照这一篇作为基本模版，它属于我的1.0版本，所以就贴上来献丑，望包涵。）


题目是Should high schools provide student specialized knowledge of a certain subject, or a variety of knowledge?

(引入段）

There is a long-term debate between the "depth" and "width" （1）of systematic study in regard of students.（2）

This debate can be originated from the question: what is more beneficial to students' academic and

future carrier achievement?（3）

（1）将specialized knowledge 和 a variety of knowledge 用简短的两个对立词来表达，争取从第一刻就抓住评审的眼球，招牌亮点#1

（2）用in regard of 有效率地点明你文章讨论的对象。

（3）用 can be originated from the question，引出自己对题目的个人解读，招牌亮点#2


第二段（阐明态度）

In my perspective, it is unreasonable to target at intensifying a certain academic field before the

acquisition of an extensive range of knowledge.

我喜欢把态度独立作为第二段，显得更加清晰。当然，你也可以加到第一段中，这不是什么原则性问题，纯粹个人喜好。

同时注意，主题词（专门化，多样化）开始体现多样用词

第三段 （first point)

First of all （估计很多人都用first of all啊什么的，我是根本都不用它。反正评审一看就知道下面是你的第一个point,无需写上这句大众句，生生破坏前面经营的亮点）

How can a student possibly knows his interested field of study before establishing a

variety of knowledge framework? (取而代之的，是一个尖锐的反问句，来进一步表明我的态度，亮点#3）

A student can only decide his intensive study of a certain subject after receiving an extensive

variety of courses. These courses are the foundation for the students'

further pursuant. （举例支撑）America does an extremely good job in both providing the "depth"

and "width" of education in a chronological order. In the American high schools, the curriculum are

designed to provide as extensive a framework of courses as possible. Thus, students would have a

"taste" of each academic area, either Science of Arts. During this process, students can

identify the area they are personally interested, such as geography, mathematics, or design.

Then when these students enter the university, they will have a chance to choose the specific

field they would like to intensify according to their preference. In this way, both the "width" and the interested "depth" can be achieved.(到这里，我第一个point深度挖掘完成）

（second point )
Besides,acquiring a variety of knowledge before intensifying into a certain subject also has its profound implication for a certain student's
future carrier path.（开始development）Nowadays, the construction of a sophisticated knowledge framework is still significant.
However, the importance of a wide range of academic knowledge is also surging.In a certain industry, an employee has to cope with problem simultaneously related to many different areas. (举撑支撑）For example, an employee
in the art auction house should not just be sophisticated in aesthetics and the evaluation
of a masterpiece, but also in the principle of accounting and financial management. This tendency is attributed
to the integration and cohesion of different industries in the modern world. Thus, it is advantageous for a certain student
to first acquire a variety of knowledge and then construct a sophisticated knowledge framework.
（至此，第二个point挖掘完成。继续注意主题词多样性）

后面third point, forth point 也是如此这般。

最后段（我一般都是一条路走到黑，没有再填一段讲尽管这一种有它的局限性，但是blabla. Again,纯粹看个人喜好，非原则问题。只是因为现在太多人都加上这段，所以我反而不喜欢。）

Thus, (我直接就用个thus就了事了，不用出镜率极大broadly speaking之类的，毕竟一个词就能表达，不需要用两个，我觉得这是一种写作态度吧）constructing a wide range of knowledge before achieving the "depth" helps a certain student to indentify his or her interested area. Also, it benefits his or her future career by putting the student in an advantageous position. (简单做结即可）



后记（可以直接无视）

尽管上文还有很多不足，但仍衷心希望能给到CDer一些帮助，也算不枉费一番功夫。再次说下，如果有需要，我会尽量抽时间，有针对性地继续“笨鸟先飞”系列。先到这吧。大家加油。
记住，Success is not a event, but a journey.

wangariel

thxxxxx

dongyunting

bluelini

thanks

zhanzhigang

xiexie

1xyy1dm

starcow

thanks a lot

nicole薇

thx

yangshuo89515

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ciancian

结尾好亮