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twe022/018-恳请修改-向6份冲刺!

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楼主
发表于 2004-10-31 11:00:00 | 只看该作者

twe022/018-恳请修改-向6份冲刺!




There is a controversy in our society that what characteristics are most important and therefore favored by most of us. In my point of view, honesty and respecting others are the two key attributes in this changing and competitive world. In the following discussion, I would like to reason and present examples to support my point of view.






Honesty is the cornerstone of the social prosperity and the rule of modern business behaviors. On the one hand, every one will feel be threatened by others in a society having credit crisis. And these countries or societies will decline eventually. One the other hand, honesty, or credit, make the business activities more efficient. Taking the credit card system as an example, both individuals and companies take great advantages of that, because transactions are much faster and safer. However, all these advantages are based on the ground of honesty.






Respecting others plays a significant role in the diverse modern society. Due to the increasing impacts that economy globalization and information explosion has had on our society, diversity is becoming the trends of our society. There are all kinds of believes, customs and languages, and it is essential for us to respect those who are different from ourselves. This is not only the demand of law in most countries but also the demand of successful business behaviors.






Admittedly, there are some other attributes favored by our society, such humor, which always provides joyful atmosphere and therefore better interpersonal relationships. Nevertheless, the merits of honesty and respecting carry more weight than that of others, because it is obvious that these precious attributes make our society survive and thrive well into the new century.





From what have been discussed above, it is easy to arrive the conclusion that the most critical personalities are honesty and respecting others. In order to cultivate these personalities, we must endeavor to build public consensus to have the mass media, education services and the like to help build our society value system.  


[此贴子已经被作者于2004-10-31 11:05:44编辑过]
沙发
发表于 2004-10-31 12:35:00 | 只看该作者

There is a controversy in our society that (on) what characteristics are most important and therefore favored by most of us. In my point of view, honesty and respecting others (respect to others) (or you may replace "honesty" with "being honesty") are the two key attributes in this changing and competitive world. In the following discussion, I would like to reason and present examples to support my point of view.

Honesty is the cornerstone of the social prosperity and the rule of modern business behaviors. On the one hand, every one will feel be threatened by others in a society having (how about replacing it with "experiencing"?) credit crisis. And these countries or societies will decline eventually. One the other hand, honesty, or credit, make(s) the business activities more efficient. Taking the credit card system as an example, both individuals and companies take great advantages of that, because transactions are much faster and safer. However, all these advantages are based on the ground of honesty.

Respecting others plays a significant role in the diverse modern society. Due to the increasing impacts that economy globalization and information explosion has had on our society, diversity is becoming the trends of our society. There are all kinds of believes, customs and languages, and it is essential for us to respect those who are different from ourselves. This is not only the demand of (the) law in most countries but also the demand (try to use a different word such as "requirment", "prerequisite" etc.) of successful business behaviors.

Admittedly, there are some other attributes favored by our society, such (as) humor, which always provides joyful atmosphere and therefore (redundant, actually, they cannot be used together) better interpersonal relationships. Nevertheless, the merits of honesty and respecting carry more weight than that of others, because it is obvious that these precious attributes make our society survive and thrive well into (in) the new century.

From what have been discussed above, it is easy to arrive the conclusion that the most critical personalities are honesty and respecting others. In order to cultivate these personalities, we must endeavor to build public consensus to have the mass media, education services and the like to help build our society value system.

文章写得很不错. 多注意一下主谓语的数的一致,冠词的合适使用,以及代词的指代.在用词上再讲究一些,变化一些.6分不在话下.

板凳
 楼主| 发表于 2004-11-3 11:47:00 | 只看该作者
有你的鼓励,我要努力!努力!!
地板
 楼主| 发表于 2004-11-3 13:03:00 | 只看该作者

and therefore (redundant, actually, they cannot be used together)

查了,therefore 是副词,应该可以和连词and一起使用

再次谢谢friend_friend 的修改

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