[求助]TWE077

dengzi

下面是我的习作，有些短，可是总觉得没什么好说得了，还请牛人们指教。

Despite the fact that majority hold the opinion that boys and girls should attend separate schools. But to be frank, I cannot agree with them. There are numerous why boys and girls should attend same schools, and I would explore only a few of the most important ones here.

The main reason for my propensity for boys and girls should attend same schools is that they can study from each other in the same school. It is surely that boys and girls are not same genetically. Boys usually are good at mathematics and logics. And girls usually are good at linguistics and art. When they attend the same school, they can study from each other and improve their skills on other aspects.

Another reason why I disagree with the above statement is that I believe that girls and boys should study how to get along with each other from their childhood. We cannot deny that boys and girls have physical difference. They are attractive to another gender and fight for each other. Usually boys are more aggressive than girls. And girls are more sensitive and careful than boys. So they should study how to solve these differences and get along with each other when they are in the same school and live together everyday.

Furthermore, boys and girls can make more friends, especially the friends on another gender, when they are in the same school. Boys can learn about more interesting thing from girls, such as fashion and music. And girls can also learn about football and computers from boys. They all can get many benefits from this friendship. It also can improve their social skills.

While it is true that the argument I disagree hold a little bit of water, I think that boys and girls should still attend same schools.

guandream

以下是引用dengzi在2004-10-29 5:44:00的发言：

下面是我的习作，有些短，可是总觉得没什么好说得了，还请牛人们指教。

Despite the fact that (the) majority hold the opinion that boys and girls should attend separate schools. But to be frank, I cannot agree with them. There are numerous reasons why boys and girls should attend same schools, and I would explore only a few of the most important ones here.

the introduction is ok, but you can do better.

The main reason for my propensity for boys and girls should attend same schools is that they can study from each other in the same school. It is surely that boys and girls are not same genetically. Boys usually are good at mathematics and logics.(,) And girls usually are good at linguistics and art. When they attend the same school, they can study from each other and improve their skills on other aspects.

Another reason why I disagree with the above statement is that I believe that girls and boys should study how to get along with each other from their childhood. We cannot deny that boys and girls have physical difference. They are attractive to attract each another gender and fight for each other. Usually boys are more aggressive than girls. And girls are more sensitive and careful than boys. So they should study how to solve these differences and get along with each other when they are in the same school and live together everyday.

Furthermore, boys and girls can make more friends, especially the friends on another gender, when they are in the same school. Boys can learn about more interesting thing from girls, such as fashion and music. And girls can also learn about football and computers from boys. They all can get many benefits from this friendship. It also can improve their social skills.

While it is true that the argument I disagree hold a little bit of water, I think that boys and girls should still attend same schools.

the conclusion is a little big  weak. in fact, you can put the conclusion with the last point you present together.

this topic is not easy, but you do a good job. your language is good, but the three supporting points seems similar to me.

friend_friend

看了一下,正如楼上guandream指出,三段论据没有本质不同,都是在说互相学习.论据没有能够展开,也没有进一步解释.这可能也是你觉得没有什么可写的原因. 这几天,看过几篇作文,似乎propensity这个词很流行啊.当在使用一个不是很熟悉的词时,要去词典里查查,这个词到底什么意思,看十个例句,看看这个词怎么用的.我猜想这个词大概是哪个模板里推荐的吧.正确的用法,不要怕因为太简单了,阅圈人看了会觉得千篇一律, 有套模板嫌疑. 相反,如果十几个人都用了一个看似有深度,却都没用对的词,他/她才会大大怀疑,是不是互相抄袭啊?

建议在论证的展开上再加强一点工夫.下面是我试改了一下的, 用词尽量限定在1000的词汇量以内.供你参考,也欢迎大家指正.

Despite the popular claim that boys and girls should attend separate schools, I hold an opposite view. My opinion does not just come from my personal attitude; on the contrary, it is supported by numerous sound reasons. I would explore only a few of these reasons since listing them all might use up my paper.

The most obvious reason for boys and girls to go to the same school is that they can learn strong points from each other. Boys and girls are born in difference. Because of this genetic difference, it is believed that boys are usually good at mathematics and logic, while girls are more talent in linguistics and arts. By attending the same school, boys and girls do school work in class and play games on campus together, and they learn the merits from each other and board their vision of knowledge. Hence, both of them are benefited from the time and experience they spend together.

The second, maybe more important reason to support that boys and girls should not be schooled separately is, that it is important for girls and boys to learn how to get along with the opposite sex since their childhood. Although there are still some jobs which are more suitable for a certain gender, most of today’s careers are not exclusive to either male or female. It cannot be avoided to communicate with and cooperate with the people with an opposite sex, no only in work, but also in daily life. Since they have to learn how to get along with each other finally, why don’t let them learn that as early as possible?

Those who insist that boys and girls should attend separate school may have their points. They may argue that boys and girls are naturally curious to the opposite sex but they are too young to know how to deal with their curiosity appropriately. This kind of worries is understandable; however, separating boys and girls is not a reasonable method to relieve the worries. Actually, the more secret you make a thing, the more curious people feel about it. So the right way to solve the problem is to have them learn the knowledge about the other side rather than separating them from each other.

As we all know, most of our personalities are cultivated at young ages. If there is something we have to learn, we’d better learn it at the first time we get the chance. Indeed, there are some problems caused by having boys and girls attend the same school; however, the way solve the problems is definitely not isolating boys and girls to each other. The reason for this is as simple as that we don’t throw the baby out with the dirty bath water together.

dengzi

以下是引用friend_friend在2004-10-29 11:27:00的发言：

看了一下,正如楼上guandream指出,三段论据没有本质不同,都是在说互相学习.论据没有能够展开,也没有进一步解释.这可能也是你觉得没有什么可写的原因. 这几天,看过几篇作文,似乎propensity这个词很流行啊.当在使用一个不是很熟悉的词时,要去词典里查查,这个词到底什么意思,看十个例句,看看这个词怎么用的.我猜想这个词大概是哪个模板里推荐的吧.正确的用法,不要怕因为太简单了,阅圈人看了会觉得千篇一律, 有套模板嫌疑. 相反,如果十几个人都用了一个看似有深度,却都没用对的词,他/她才会大大怀疑,是不是互相抄袭啊?

建议在论证的展开上再加强一点工夫.下面是我试改了一下的, 用词尽量限定在1000的词汇量以内.供你参考,也欢迎大家指正.

Despite the popular claim that boys and girls should attend separate schools, I hold an opposite view. My opinion does not just come from my personal attitude; on the contrary, it is supported by numerous sound reasons. I would explore only a few of these reasons since listing them all might use up my paper.

The most obvious reason for boys and girls to go to the same school is that they can learn strong points from each other. Boys and girls are born in difference. Because of this genetic difference, it is believed that boys are usually good at mathematics and logic, while girls (are)have? more talent in linguistics and arts. By attending the same school, boys and girls do school work in class and play games on campus together, and they learn the merits from each other and (board)enlarge? their vision of knowledge. Hence, both of them are benefited from the time and experience they spend together.

The second, maybe more important reason to support that boys and girls should not be schooled separately is, that it is important for girls and boys to learn how to get along with the opposite sex since their childhood. Although there are still some jobs which are more suitable for a certain gender, most of today’s careers are not exclusive to either male or female. It cannot be avoided to communicate with and cooperate with the people with an opposite sex, no only in work, but also in daily life. Since they have to learn how to get along with each other finally, why don’t let them learn that as early as possible?

Those who insist that boys and girls should attend separate school may have their points. They may argue that boys and girls are naturally curious to the opposite sex but they are too young to know how to deal with their curiosity appropriately. This kind of worries is understandable; however, separating boys and girls is not a reasonable method to relieve the worries. Actually, the more secret you make a thing, the more curious people feel about it. So the right way to solve the problem is to have them learn the knowledge about the other side rather than separating them from each other.

As we all know, most of our personalities are cultivated at young ages. If there is something we have to learn, we’d better learn it at the first time we get the chance. Indeed, there are some problems caused by having boys and girls attend the same school; however, the way solve the problems is definitely not isolating boys and girls to each other. The reason for this is as simple as that we don’t throw the baby out with the dirty bath water together.

确实写得比我好多了，谢谢，深有感触。不过结尾这样写是不是有点不明确？

friend_friend

谢改正

soaring

多谢~！