TWE103,第一篇，请大家费心指点！！

katie_shi

103 In your opinion, what is the most important characteristic (for example, honesty, intelligence, a sense of humor) that a person can have to be successful in life? Use specific reasons and examples from your experience to explain your answer. When you write your answer, you are not limited to the examples listed in the prompt.

When confronted with various questions, different people make their own choice. An analysis of these questions will definitely help us understand the society better. One of such intriguing issues is what is the most important characteristic for a person to be successful? In my opinion the cooperation is the most essential personal trait for one to be successful, no matter in social or in economic region.

To begin with, the first and foremost reason to develop my opinion is one's energy is limited. He cannot command all kinds of technologies, information and skills to accomplish his assignment. For example, a designer in an electronic product company has to collect information from the sale department to know the demand of customers and he also has to consult with the engineer about the security and possibility of his design. It will stiffen the creativity of the designer if the salesmen and the engineers reluctant to cooperate with him. In this aspect cooperative is very important for the success.

Next, diversified jobs and increasing complexity of a project call for cooperation. With the development of economic and technology, we have to cooperate with others in all kinds of areas. For example, programmers work in teams to develop products according to the specifications and deadlines; scientists and researchers must collaborate to establish common goals and coordinate efforts; even a teacher must coordinate activities with administrators and other teachers.

In addition, an environment of cooperation fosters greater creativity, productivity and, ultimately the success. A cooperative person can improve the communication and congeniality, encourage other people to discover common goal and the best way to achieve them.

There may be some objections immediately that some other characteristics such as honesty, intelligence or a sense of humor is  more important for a person to be successful in life. I agree such personalities are necessary, but after a careful comparison, the cooperation is the most striking characteristics today.

As what have been discussed above, which often correlated with each other to generate an integrant whole, and thus become more convincing than any one of them. I will safely arrive my conclusion that cooperation is the most essential personal trait for a person to be successful in social or in economic region.

[此贴子已经被作者于2004-10-23 8:57:40编辑过]

soaring

以下是引用katie_shi在2004-10-23 2:45:00的发言：

103 In your opinion, what is the most important characteristic (for example, honesty, intelligence, a sense of humor) that a person can have to be successful in life? Use specific reasons and examples from your experience to explain your answer. When you write your answer, you are not limited to the examples listed in the prompt.

When confronted with various questions, different people make their own choice. （读起来不上口，要different到底，ie:different people make different choices,虽然都这么写） An analysis of these questions will definitely help us understand the society better. One of such intriguing issues is what is the most important characteristic for a person to be successful?（标点错误，“.”） In my opinion the cooperation is the most essential personal trait for one to be successful, no matter in social or in economic region.

To begin with, the first and foremost reason （明显有凑字数的嫌疑，to begin with 和first and foremost语意重复）to develop my opinion is （that) one's energy is limited. He cannot command all kinds of technologies, information and skills to accomplish his assignment.（这句里的command to有点问题。另外，cannot太武断，建议改成maynot or couldnot） For example, a designer in an electronic product company has to collect information from the sale department to know the demand of customers and he also has to consult with the engineer about the security and possibility of his design. It will stiffen (这个词用得好~！好形象哦）the creativity of the designer if the salesmen and the engineers reluctant to cooperate with him. In this aspect cooperative is very important for the success.（这个地方用Therefore、Thus等表因果的词来说一个结果比较好)

Next, diversified (diverse就可以了）jobs and increasing complexity of a project call for cooperation. With the development of economic and technology, we have to cooperate with others in all kinds of areas. For example, programmers work in teams to develop products according to the specifications and deadlines; scientists and researchers must collaborate to establish common goals and coordinate efforts; even a teacher must coordinate activities with administrators and other teachers.

In addition, an environment of cooperation fosters greater creativity, productivity and, ultimately the success. A cooperative person can improve the communication and congeniality, encourage other people to discover common goal and the best way to achieve them. (语法问题，goal and them do not agree with each other, Be careful)

There may be some objections immediately that some other characteristics such as honesty, intelligence or a sense of humor is  more important for a person to be successful in life. (个人觉得这些不是objections,只是另一些别人可能认为重要的characters,所以用承让的语气好些，Addmitedly,...) I agree (that) such personalities are necessary (to some extend) , but (however,这个伟大词汇怎么能不用呢？) after a careful comparison, (谁认为？给各主语好些，i.e.: I hold the opinion that ) the cooperation is the most striking characteristics today.

As what have been discussed above, which often correlated with each other to generate an integrant whole, and thus become more convincing than any one of them. I will safely arrive my conclusion that cooperation is the most essential personal trait for a person to be successful in social or in economic region.(这句模版以前偶也用，不过建议字数够了就不要在结尾再凑了：））

指出几点问题：

1.MM要注意语法，这个小错误是不能忽视的，主谓语要前后一致，单复数要一致~

2.有些词汇要注意变化，如For example,第一次用了，第二次就可以换，最起码可以换成For instance,还有，Take ... as an example; A case concerns ... is ... 等等，不要全用一个~

3.太武断的词要避免，也就是说，can & could,may很明显用could,may好，委婉，ETS的风格。我们在做阅读的时候就能发现ETS是喜欢用may的，是很委婉的，他们问问题的时候，会所，which of the following, if true, is....,所以，我们在写TWE的时候，要“投其所好”，尽量保持一致~

4.结构问题：一般是开头，原因，原因，原因，让步，结尾。当然，MM的结构没什么问题~

5.字数问题：建议不要有明显的凑字倾向，虽然ETS很看重字数，但是对于凑字，印象总是不大好的吧~

偶一下子写了这么多，希望MM有所提高~~~

Good luck~!

[此贴子已经被作者于2004-10-24 12:05:14编辑过]

pengstone

建议MM修改一下,再贴上来给大家评评

katie_shi

严重感谢soaring_2004 MM的指点和鼓励 ，一定继续努力！！

When confronted with various questions, different people make different choice according to their experience. An analysis of these questions will help us understand the society better. One of such intriguing issues is what is the most important characteristic for a person to be successful. In my opinion cooperation is the most essential personal trait for one to be successful, no matter in social or in economic region.

To begin with, the most important reason to support my choice is that one's energy is limited. He may not grasp all kinds of technologies, information and skills necessary to accomplish his assignment. For example, a designer in an electronic product company, he has to collect information from the sale department to know the demand of customers, he also has to consult with the engineer about the security and possibility of his design. It will stiffen the creativity of the designer if the salesmen and the engineers are reluctant to cooperate with him. Thus cooperative is very important for the success.

Next, increasing diversion and interrelation of a job calls for cooperation. With the development of economic and technology, we have to cooperate with others in various arenas. For instance, programmers work in teams to develop products according to the specifications and deadlines, scientists and researchers must collaborate to establish common goals and coordinate efforts, even teacher must coordinate activities with administers and other teachers.

In addition, an environment of cooperation usually leads to creativity, productivity and, ultimately the success. A cooperative person will improve the communication and congeniality in his team; encourages other people to discover common goal and the best way to achieve it.

To sum up, due to the above mentioned reasons, cooperation will greatly foster the opportunity to be successful. Even though there may be some other personality traits satisfying, cooperation is proved here to be ponderous necessary. Therefore, I will safely reach my conclusion that cooperation is the most essential personal trait for a person to be successful in social or in economic region nowadays.

请再次多多指点，我现在写一个东东一般要60分钟，有什么方法可以提高速度啊！

[此贴子已经被作者于2004-10-24 9:23:16编辑过]

soaring

楼主不错啊~鼓励鼓励~~~

PS：偶上次改错一个地方，Next, increasing diversion and interrelation of a job calls for cooperation.偶上次说把call改成calls，偶自己错了，不好意思不好意思，这个地方主语偶搞错了~~！！还是call~~已经纠正过来了~

关于速度问题：

第一就是要多背。背什么？这个是老掉牙的问题，但偶还是强调，多背ETS公布的六分范文，看人家的句式，连接词。记多了，自然些的时候就不愁了。正所谓“熟读唐诗三百首，不会作诗也会吟”啊~另外，可以适当的背一些新概念，偶曾经推荐过几篇的，楼主看看下面的连接吧

第二就是要多总结。这一次为什么写起来得心应手？是自己的例子充足还是论证充分？看看自己错了哪些，比如语法，单词（这个不能小看，考试时写不出单词最急人了~！）偶觉得，写十篇还不如把一篇好好彻底的总结总结~~

第三，还是要一定程度的练习。偶不主张写很多，但是每个类别最好挑一两篇来写写，便于有个印象，还要控制速度，开始不限时，连几篇熟悉以后就限时吧~

最后，熟悉题库~~

good luck~~~~~~~~~~~

soaring

NCE的链接：

http://forum.chasedream.com/dispbbs.asp?boardID=68&ID=67867&page=2