ISSUE 12 （政府应送穷孩子去上学）~~求您PIA

yzy0704

（现在写作，尽量避免开头长篇大论，力求开门见山。。虽然努力规避，但是文中依然有凑字数现象。。希望批评指正）

With the society developing more and more rapidly, the education is also becoming much more crucial. However, at the same time, the cost of education is also growing much more, so that there are many children not able to enter the schools. In my view, the countries should help those poor children to get into the schools if these countries have enough financial ability.

As we all know, education is a kind of power which push the society, as well as the civilization, the policy, and the economy to improve. The primary education is very important. A little child should be educated in his or her early age, knowing things better about the world. Then the high school education is also crucial. In this period, children would learn about lots of subjects, and they will find which of the subjects they are fond of. This period will guide a student to his or her probably further. What’s more, the college education is much more important. Students’ learn about useful skills, taking them as tools which could be used in their works after some years. So from these reasons we know that education is so important that a country should pay much attention on it, and to support those poor students is a kind of liability of a country.

What’s more, the money those countries paid for the education will soon be paid back in another form. For example, when the students receiving financial support enter the enterprises, they will make products for the country, then adding to the social treasure. So supplying students to go to school is just like a kind of investment, and the money will paid back much more than before.

However, this could happen only in the situation that the country has the ability to support such a big expense on the education. For example, in the American and Europe, governments have the ability to spend a lot of money on the education, because these countries are developed countries, owning a lot of funds. And the population in these countries is not very big. However, in some countries, such as China, India and Brazil, these countries do have much money, but the amount of people in these countries is so large that these countries could not able to send such many students to schools. What’s more, those poorer countries, such as countries in the Africa, as well as those countries in war, such as countries in the western Asia, have taken a lot of money on the food and other things, not able to support the education.

So from the arguments issued above, I think when a country is able to support poor students to schools, the country ought to do it, because it is its liability. But if a country’s economy is not strong enough to do so, these countries should pay more attention to the financial development.

周花生

来学习的。。。

竹林中人

there are many children not able to enter the schools？这个表达有问题吧
pay much attention on it  介词用错
receiving financial support 这里用完成时态比较好
the的用法，需要注意，文中大部分都不必要的，因为the表示特指，而文中大都是泛指
比如the education，the就可以不要的

竹林中人

amount of people，amount一般不用做可数名词的数量吧，要么是不可数的，要么是抽象的名词，比如钱，比如说任务量等

竹林中人

What’s more, those poorer countries, such as countries in the Africa, as well as those countries in war, such as countries in the western Asia,这里觉得有必要修改下，很别扭的说
the financial development金融发展？
这个题目，除了谈必要性、可行性还有点，就是是否有其他选择，而你谈的第二点个人觉得没什么必要

竹林中人

总体感觉进步还是蛮大的，语言不再拖泥带水的，思路也很明晰，加油！

yzy0704

谢谢斑竹~~~以后注意措辞，努力避免用那些模棱两可的长句子。。谢谢！！