希望有人能指点下我的作文 看看顶多能多少分儿 还有5天考了><语言感觉好差劲和单一

wxc1125

现在的人没以前人快乐


    In the long history of human, happiness is something that everyone craves for, whether in the past or now. People can hardly reach consensus what true happiness is till today. On the other hand, the way people used to reach happiness differs from individual to individual. Hence, as for me, I think it is hard to judge whether people now are less happy and less satisfied than people in the past.
    In the first place, satisfaction of happiness differs from poor to rich, male to female, young to elder. My mother may feel happy if she buys a beautiful dress she likes. My father, in contrast, perhaps thinks watching a football game is the happiest thing. I will feel satisfied with playing computer game for one hour. However, my grandparents may become happy when all family members are accompanying with them. A piece of bread might satisfy a person under starvation. But a billionaire can not taste happiness even when he lives in a luxury villa. To make my demonstration more proudly and comprehensively, I would like to compare my parents and me. They always talk about their childhood with deep emotion. Without considering study, they always played hide and seek after school with many children came from neighborhood. Also, two cents pocket money can make them satisfied. As for students nowadays, due to big stress coming from study, we can hardly enjoy the playing time. But high score is another source of happiness. In this sense, we can’t easily say that people now are less happy and less satisfied than people in the past, or vice versa.
     More importantly, we can not imagine the true life condition in the past. What we learnt is just from books and television. Though they don’t have advanced technology, they have blue sky full of sunshine; they can enjoy the idyllic life more comfortably; they can breathe the fresh air and taste the clean food without pollution. In this occasion, I suppose they may feel happy and satisfied. However, without the medical care, the average life-span of people in the past is only 45 years old, which is 2/3 of today’s. What’s more, without convenient transportation, people would spend more than a week on traveling to the destination. Under this situation, I do not consider they are happier than people nowadays. Therefore, before we compare the happiness of people in the past with that of nowadays, we should put every possible condition into a nutshell to analyze.
     Admittedly, under no circumstance can we deny the significantly positive correlation between the happiness and pressure. Regarding the pressure in people’s lives nowadays, the thing I most want to mention is the ceaselessly increasing price of housing, which have been skyrocketing while our salaries have not increased much. But pressure alone can not decide people’s whole happiness. The advanced technology, the improved life standard and diversity of clothes and shoes all play important roles in gaining happiness.
Obviously, all the evidence confirms an undoubted conclusion that it is hard to judge whether people now are less happy and less satisfied than people in the past.

wxc1125

谢谢各位呀~我一直写不出好句子 只能举好多例子- -然后怕拿低分 道理论证我几乎写不出 因为本身中文议论文我都写不好。总是想不出话来 干巴巴的。

wxc1125

求帮忙啊~~~

HerringtonD

嗯，如果不介意的话，可以修改的地方其实很多的

至少，一开头的 on the other hand, hence,等连接词，都应该修改

wxc1125

嗯，如果不介意的话，可以修改的地方其实很多的

至少，一开头的 on the other hand, hence,等连接词，都应该修改

-- by 会员 HerringtonD (2012/8/14 16:12:52)

那是不是写的很差啊？

HerringtonD

我个人感觉toefl作文的话，内容层面上没什么改的必要了（5天内改起来太麻烦了，边际收益太低）
但是连接词的用法可以好好看看，毕竟托福是考语言的啊
还有字数上到600以上的话，基本就可以高分的ww

wxc1125

我个人感觉toefl作文的话，内容层面上没什么改的必要了（5天内改起来太麻烦了，边际收益太低）
但是连接词的用法可以好好看看，毕竟托福是考语言的啊
还有字数上到600以上的话，基本就可以高分的ww

-- by 会员 HerringtonD (2012/8/14 17:07:54)

好啊 谢谢了 我一直以为连接词随便用用就好。。。没在意都。。那句型什么的呢？反正我有几个同学跟我说 就简单点儿 举例子。。然后就26了。。。我也不知道 哎